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Funny Stories
by Ryan Hart
80 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #01-0068; ISBN 1-55212-667-6; US$16.50, C$18.95, EUR13.50, £9.50
An assortment of the funniest jokes and stories collected in three decades.
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about the book about the author sample excerpts catalogue info
About the BookAre you in need of a good laugh? Are you depressed? Or sick? The jokes collected in "Funny Stories" should push your problems out of your mind and tickle your funny bone. Consider this example: An Italian man boasts to his friends: "Last night I covered my wife with fine olive oil, and then we made love. She screamed for 5 minutes." His French friend then says: "Last night I covered my wife with sweet butter. we made fantastic love. She screamed for 15 minutes." The Jewish man relates: "Last night I covered my wife with schmaltz. She screamed for 6 hours!" "Wow! What DID you do?" asked the others. "I wiped my hands on the drapes." "Funny Stories" is a collection of many preposterous little stories like this one, meant to bring chuckles, or better, loud laughter into your day. The jokes were selected for quality and grouped in categories; both of course subject to the taste of the compiler of this little collection, Ryan Hart. Many were illustrated by Anna Ariel for further amusement. |
About the Author and IllustratorRyan Hart and Anna Ariel work together at a Canadian University. Ryan belongs to many different social groups and found over the years that he had an easy time memorizing and retelling jokes. Friends and relatives had encouraged him for years to publish a collection, and tentative steps were taken long ago. But it was not until recently, when Ryan was struck with kidney failure and had to go on dialysis that he decided to finish the book. He found that work on the book and telling the stories tothe nurses helped greatly to deal with the disease-- an experimental proof that laughter is the best medicine. When Anna Ariel saw the first draft of the book, she volunteered her art skills for illustrations. |
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Sample Excerpts
A MATTER OF TASTE
A man eats breakfast in the breakfast room of a small hotel. A second man comes down the stairs, cannot see an empty table, and joins the first man at his table.
First man: "Can I offer you some of my coffee, sir?"
Second man: "No, thank you. I tried that once. Hated it! Never tried again."
After a while, the first man gives it another try.
First man: "Would you like some toast and butter?"
Second man: "No, thank you. I tried that once. Hated it! Never tried again."
Breakfast comes to an end, and the first man lights up a cigar.
First man: "Would you like a cigar, sir?"
Second man: "No, thank you. I tried that once. Hated it! Never tried again."
They sit in silence for a while. Suddenly, a younger man comes down the stairs.
Second man: "That is my son."
First man: "Your only one, right?"
DARWIN'S LAW OF GRAVITATION
One day, Darwin lay under an apple tree in the sun, when suddenly an apple fell off the tree and hit the ground near him. Darwin began to wonder what had brought the apple to the ground, and after some contemplation he came up with what has become known as Darwin's theory of gravitation, namely, that apples used to fly off their trees in all directions, but as only those apples that hit the ground could grow into new apple trees, it eventually came to be that all apples fell right to the ground.
THE OBITUARY
Mr. MacIntire has died, and his widow calls the newspaper to place an obituary. The clerk says over the telephone: "Just let me know the text, and I'll compute the cost for you." "MacIntire died," she says, and nothing else. After a few seconds, the clerk says: "Very well, Madam. But these are only two words. We charge for a minimum of five words, so you might as well add three more words at no extra cost." Mrs. MacIntire thinks of a moment, and then she says: "O.K. `MacIntire died. Boat for sale.' "
