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DOLPHINS' WORLD: Danny DiVinci's Life on Sea

by Sam Melner

275 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #02-0366; ISBN 1-55369-553-4; US$26.00, C$28.64, EUR21.50, £15.00

A fantasy adventure with humour and a love story about a human on a planet where dolphins are the most evolved and dominant species. Orcas and ferocious sharks are also prominent.

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about the book      about the author      sample excerpts      catalogue info

About the Book A lively, engrossing, highly original and imaginative fantasy that has... Adventure Humor A love story in a strange but realistic world. It's about a stand-up comedian who has a near-death experience. Instead of going back to his life on Earth, he is sent to a planet called Sea. There, dolphins are the most evolved and dominant species, ferocious sharks prowl the seas and orcas befriend the humans and dolphins.

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About the Author Dolphins' World is Sam Melner's second novel. He is a former short-lived teacher, and in addition to writing, presently owns a gourmet chocolate company. He spent a year on the Caribbean Island of Grenada, is an ardent sea kayaker, racketball player and certified chocoholic. He lives in Eugene, Oregon.

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Sample Excerpts

There I was, Daniel David DiVinci, known professionally to my small but devoted audiences as Danny DiVinci. Still trying to make it as a 39-year old stand-up comedian.

Was I unhappy? You bet.

Was I depressed? Damn right***

But worst of all... I bombed at my last gig, and the one before that, and the one before that, I could no longer make people laugh. My brand of humour was now obsolete - making jokes about the day's events in the newspaper was my only prop. September 11th took care of that.

* * * * *

I opened Olga's gift to me. It was a handsome wood framed certificate from the Intergalactic Starmapping Society informing me that I was now a member and that a star had been named after me. It gave the exact location in astronomical terms, informed me that it would be listed in the next edition of the Intergalactic Encyclopedia and shown on the starmap of that sector of the Universe as "Star DiVinci"***

* * * * *

We left San Francisco in your 35-foot sailboat on that bright sunny May morning in an ideal 20 knot southeast wind that filled our sails beautifully, and sent is briskly under the Golden Gate Bridge out to sea***

* * * * *

The wall of water hit me so fast and so hard that it tore my hands from what I thought was a secure grip on the rails and flung me first against the mast, then the cabin and into the churning water.

I must have hit my head on the cabin and bounced overboard because by the time I reached the water I was feeling woozy and ready to pass out. I tried to raise my arms to swim, but couldn't. The cold water failed to revive me and I felt myself losing consciousness. Then everything went black***

The next thing I knew I was floating peacefully in the air above the violent churning sea. I could see your boat with you at the wheel frantically searching for me, going up and down on the waves in ever widening circles. Then all of the sudden I saw my body come to the surface, my head hanging out of the water***

Slowly my body drifted away from the boat until there was no way you could possibly see me. I resigned myself to what was really happening, or appeared to be happening.

I was dead, or nearly dead, and was having one of those out-of-body experiences I read about***

Then all of the sudden I was in darkness, drifting through a long tunnel with a bright light at its end. As I got closer to the light I experienced a wonderful inner glow of peace and relaxation***

***I found myself in a standing position, standing on nothing. Ahead of me as if through a gauzy fog were two bright golden arches touching one another. I could hardly wait to see what would happen next.

I peered through the golden arches.Why did they suddenly remind me of McDonald's? Had I arrived at the great MacDonald's in the sky? Would I be able to eat as many Big Macs as I wanted without having to worry about saturated fat and cholesterol, not to mention putting on weight?

* * * * *

"We are the Gatekeepers." said the older one."And in your case the gate is closed. Locked. You're not dead. It's not your time yet, so you have to go back."

"I don't want to go back," I said. "My life sucks."***

* * * * *

At the same moment a small silver disk about two inches across came floating down. They picked it out of the air together, each with a thumb and forefinger on one side, and drifted over directly in front of me. Then they placed it on my chest, and withdrew their hands.

The disk stuck to my skin for a moment, and I realized for the first time, that I was naked. I gazed at it and watched it slowly being absorbed into my body. I felt nothing.

When it was completely gone they stepped back and smiled benevolently.

What was that?" I asked, feeling my chest, but feeling nothing.

That," said the older, "is your Universal Translator."

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "Just like on Star Trek. Does this mean that I'll be able to talk with the inhabitants on my planet--in perfect grammatical English, like on Star Trek?"

* * * * *

The next thing I knew I was in the water... again. Except it was not stormy; there were no waves, nor wind nor rain, and the water was warm. My body felt buoyant, so I tasted the water. It was salty. Unless this was my place in the Universe's equivalent of the Great Salt Lake I was in a tropical sea on a beautiful summer day***

My happiness lasted all of about 10 minutes until I felt a hard bump against my right leg.

I looked down into the clear water and gasped in horror. Right below me was a huge gray fish that looked very much like a shark. I ducked my head under the water and opened my eyes. It was a shark.

I jerked my head back out of the water and after my eyes cleared looked around, There were fins cutting through the surface all around me, moving in slow circles***

"No!" I screamed. "I've only been here for a few minutes, This can't be happening to me. Help! This is my place in the Universe."

I opened my eyes and looked around. Not a fin in sight. I dove down under the surface and opened my eyes to make sure they were gone. They were not. They were still circling around me.

Suddenly I heard a fuzzy voice. "What did he say?"

Another voice "I think he said 'no', and 'help', and something else I couldn't understand."

"Impossible," said another. "We're the only ones who can speak our language. Let's eat him and get done with it. I've got dibs on the leg I bumped."

I'll take an arm," said another.***

"Wait," I said, trying to keep the water out of my mouth. I smiled inwardly as I realized the uniqueness of this situation. Here I was, an intelligent civilized human being on a strange planet about to enter into an almost philosophical discussion, assuming they would listen, with a bunch of primative small-brained low-on-the-evolution-scale creatures that didn't even have backbones.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I said, "I'm not good to eat. Don't you know that humans taste terrible? Why do you think we almost always fine the remains of victims of shark attacks? They are inevitably found with an arm of leg missing, or with chunks of flesh ripped out of them. Some of them are even still alive.

"Don't you think, my friends, that if we tasted good you guys would eat the whole thing?"***

I had become irrational, and I had obviously lost them. There were snorts of "let's eat," and the sharks started circling rapidly, very rapidly around me.

I yanked my head out of the water. "Can't you guys read?' I shouted, "You ignorant savages. Help! Help!"***

"Swim! Swim! Away! Away! The dolphins are coming! The dolphins are coming!"

"The dolphins?" I shouted. "Yeah, the dolphins are coming." So it's true. The old myths are true. Dolphins do save humans from sharks. I'm saved! I'm saved! Thank God I'm saved!***

In less than a minute I was surrounded by a group of smiling dolphin faces peering at me above the surface. I had heard that dolphins really didn't smile and that that facial expression was just a circumstance of anatomy. But they sure looked as if they were smiling.

I know I was.

"Well, well, what have we here?" said one of the dolphins, and I'd swear his smile got bigger. So dolphins could talk, too. I was delighted and thought of all the people on Earth who would have loved to talk with dolphins. Just as I was completing that thought, and before I had a chance to reply, another voice said:

"Looks good enough to eat, although it's kind of pale and doesn't look much like a fish."

"Wait!" I yelled.

"I'm not a fish and I'm not good to eat."

The one who had first spoken, and who appeared to be the leader came closer and peered into my face. And then I saw an astonishing thing. What I thought was a flipper extended out to touch my face, and I realized it was an arm, with a hand and five fingers at its end.***

* * * * *

"Now let us proceed in a civilized manner. First, please tell us what part of Sea you are from. You are obviously a land animal. We are not aware of any other land on Sea. We would also like to know why you are here, how long you plan to stay, what you expect from us, and what we can expect from you. We don't really think you are dangerous, but nevertheless please begin"***

***"And just what is your species?"

"Human," I said proudly***

The loudest laughter yet swept through the crowd. Even the stern-faced Administrator and his fellow council members flashed dolphin grins.

"Please try not to deceive us, Daniel DiVinci," said the Administrator. "There is no possible way you can be one of us. The only thing we have in common is your obvious intelligence and your ability to speak and understand dolphinese, or as it sometimes referred to as 'humanese'."

"Humanese," I said. "So you really do think of yourselves as being human?" The Administrator looked at me incredulously. "Of course we do. 'Human' is another name for a dolphin. In fact it is used in everyday conversation as often as dolphin."

I looked at him long and hard. I could see there was no further point in pursuing my humanity. "All right," I said. "I am a Homo sapien," I continued as proudly as I could under the circumstances***

***'You can call me Danny," I said. "It's a long story, but I come from a different world, a planet called Earth."

* * * * *

The interrogation continues and ends on a positive note. Danny is accepted, given permission to stay on Sea, and escorted to where he will stay until the next day. Shortly after his arrival***

Before I could answer any more questions there was a knock on the door. I walked to it and opened it. There standing before me was a dolphin with a shape that could only be described as pure classic dolphin. Streamlined, elegant, perfectly proportioned, a warm shade of gray, standing at about my height, and with an especially wide smile on its face.

"Hi," it said. "I'm Alia. I'm to be your guide and instructor while you are here."

"Hello," I answered. "I'm Danny, and I'm very happy to meet you."

"Thank you," it said, walking in while I was trying to determine from the clues my escorts gave me if our visitor was male or female.

"Hello, Aba; hello, Daba."

"Hi, Alia," they said together.

I noticed that the assurance and flipness with which they acted before evaporated. They now seemed shy and self-conscious.

Aba looked at me with what appeared to be envy. "You're a lucky man Danny," he said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you have Alia as your guide."

"Why thank you, Aba. I hope Daniel DiVinci agrees," said Alia***

* * * * *

The largest orca came directly up to us. We were almost nose to nose, so Alia and Ami stopped paddling. Then the orca turned and came over to the side and looked us over from bow to stern. He was about two feet from us. Both his black and white head and dorsal fin towered over us. He was easily thirty to thirty-five feet long.

My emotions were a combination of awe, fear and joy. The orca's eyes fastened on Alia, then on Ami, then on me sitting next to the bucket of fish. I was glad to see that he seemed to be curious rather than belligerent.

He kept staring at me. I stared back, transfixed. Then he opened his huge mouth. My joy vanished; the fear and awe remained. He closed his mouth. I was relieved but the joy did not return.

He opened it again. I held my breath.

Then a sound came out of it, and a deep menacing voice said, "Well, well, what have we here? A meal or a toy?"

I understood him completely and the joy returned. I reached down into the bucket, grabbed a wiggling fish and held it out to him.

"Eat first," I said, "and we'll talk later."

I didn't think orcas' faces could register surprise. Maybe not on Earth, but they sure as hell could here on Sea. His eyes bugged out, his bottom jaw dropped even lower and stayed there a few moments before his whole mouth closed. He stared at me for what seemed like a full minute, then quickly turned his massive body, and dove straight down under the water. He was back up less than 10 seconds later, and by up I do mean up. He leaped up in the air, his entire body clearing the surface by at least 10 feet, and came crashing down into the water sending a cascade into the baku, drenching us completely and rocking the boat from side to side. Then he casually swam back to the other orcas, leaving me soaking wet and holding a live fish in my lap, because I dropped it there when I grabbed the rails to help steady the rocking boat***

We watched as he went close to one orca after another in the cove.

As soon as he left one, it raised its body about three quarters of the way out of the water as if standing on its tail and peered intently at us. On Earth that action of orcas is called "spyhopping". And one by one as he visited them they spyhopped. Soon all eight orcas were in the spyhop position staring at us. Actually, I guess me. It was a sight to behold***

We got to the beach, stepped out gingerly because of the stones, and pulled the baku up out of the water carefully to avoid damaging its bottom on the rocks.

We looked out into the water and all the orcas were arranged in a line facing us about thirty feet out, all looking intently at us, their tall dorsal fins projecting straight into the air. It was an extraordinary experience***

We waded out further until we were almost chest deep. The orcas moved close. Then suddenly the big male with his towering dorsal fin came right up to us, stopping about a foot from the extended fish, his mouth open.

I looked straight in his eyes, or rather from one eye to another, since he was too close for me to see them both at the same time. I extended the fish further out to him. He ignored it.

"It's an old family tradition," I said. "First we eat: then we talk."

He opened his massive mouth, delicately took the fish away from me and tossed it away.

"I say we talk now," he said.

"Is that a request or a command?" I said. "I hope it's a request because I don't take too well to commands." He was my audience and I had confidence my performance would win him over.

He looked at me quizzically. Another expression Sea orcas have that Earth orcas lack.

"Don't you realize," he said, "that you are not one of those animals," he motioned to Alia, "we have an agreement with?" I am not obligated not to eat you. I could take you in one gulp like a seal."

"Have you every met a talking seal?" I asked.

"No, of course not. Seals don't talk."

"If you took me in one gulp, I'd be talking all the way down into your stomach and I know some nasty words, too. Besides, where I come from nobody ever eats us because we taste bad. We also cause terrible stomach cramps. Do you have a good supply of antacid medicines? We also cause flatulence"***

* * * * *

"Good. You might find this particularly interesting." He picked up what looked like a leg bone from one pile, a femur if my memory serve me correctly.

"This is a leg bone from a dolphin," He reached into the pile and picked up another leg bone about the same size and held them together.

"Look at them closely," he said. "I don't believe the second one is from a dolphin."

We examined them and they were distinctly different***

***"Now let's look at some skulls." He reached down to the skull pile, picked through it and brought up two, one in each hand. He extended the first to Alia. "This is a dolphin head. Correct, Alia?"

"It looks like one to me."

***"And this," he said extending the other.

"I think so."

"Agreed." He handed one to each of us, then bent down and pulled one out from the bottom of the pile. He raised it up and held it out to us triumphantly.

"My God!" I exclaimed***

* * * * *

"Danny! The Orcas are here! They're at the harbor gates. One of them is making loud noises to the gate guards. He's probably asking for you. Please come immediately."***

* * * * *

***A few hours later the great moment arrived. Hundreds of Orcas were on the surface of the harbor, arranged in a huge semicircle, their fins sticking straight up in the air. Ten were separate in a straight line in front of them.

The dolphins were also in a semicircle, its edges almost touching the Orcas ends to form a wide circle. The council members were also in a straight line directly in front of the ten orcas, with the Administrator in the middle. And me in my baku by his side, ready to translate***

* * * * *

The Administrator is speaking to the gathering***

"We---," He broke off abruptly. "What's going on out there?" he shouted to the gate guards who were agitatedly calling from the towers and waving their arms.

"It's the sharks," one of the guards yelled. "They're surrounding some more orcas who are trying to hold them off. One of the Orcas looks wounded. His back and sides are bleeding***

* * * * *

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Catalogue Information

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