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Could This Be My Child?

by Syd Gregory

321 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #02-0597; ISBN 1-55369-784-7; US$26.50, C$31.12, EUR22.00, £15.50

This book is about a man who fathered a child over a quarter century earlier and comes to believe that he may have met that child, now an adult, and the child's mother.

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about the book      about the author      sample excerpts      catalogue info

About the Book This book is about an 82-year-old-man who was forced in the dark of night, in his own home, and at knifepoint to father a child twenty-seven years ealier, and now believes he may have met the child and the child's mother. The story deals with how he and some of the other characters in the book attempt to prove or disprove his belief. Of course the child is now an adult but the child's mother feels she must protect her child in spite of the fact, and yet she truly understands the elderly mans desire to know the truth, whatever that might be.

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About the Author I was born in 1941, the youngest of four siblings, to the most wonderful and loving parents who came to this great country to be nothing if not great Americans. My father died at the age of forty-four and was buried on my mother's forty-second birthday, after only eighteen years of marriage. My mother was always a strong person but with the passing of my father she also realized she'd have to become a tough person, which she did while raising us on her own. My schooling was only through grade twelve and then to work for forty years. I became in interested in writing in grade three but never attempted it until age fify-four, and then only by accident. I awoke early one black morning in February, 1996 with this story in mind that I couldn't shake and I wondered if there was a possible book there, but more importantly I wondered was it in me to find it within myself. And if so would I be able to put what was in my head into words and onto paper. It turned out, after I sat down at my computer, that I soon found approximately eleven pages were registered and my first thought was I'd better back this up onto a diskette. That's when I realized there just might be a book in me and if there was I'd finally be able to fulfill a lifelong dream. Then when it was finished I wondered would the reading public find it a worthwhile read knowing that not everyone would and yet hoping that many would.

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Sample Excerpts

"Oh he's fine now," said Grace. "He's out playing golf with Charlie and Fred this morning, so we three came out for breakfast."

"Well I know Cindy here is Charlie's wife, but this young lady isn't Fred's wife Ginger."

"Ginger didn't want to come with us. Sorry, this is Helen Gary, she just moved into Del Valle-West a few weeks ago. Helen this nice gentleman is Gary Grayson."

My mind was suddenly racing, and I tried not to show any emotion as I watched her face carefully for some sign. It seemed to me that she was somewhat apprehensive as she slowly extended her hand to me.

"It's a pleasure to know you sir."

"No the pleasure is all mine, I assure you, all mine."

I took her hand and found it to be damp and shaking.

"Your hand is trembling, are you alright Helen, have I somehow upset you?"

"No," she replied with some apprehension, "No, I assure you, I'm fine."

Elaine came to tell them she had a table for them as I was excusing myself.

"It was nice to meet you Helen, hope to see you again soon."

She nodded as I turned to exit the diner. My mind was still racing and my gut feeling was that she could very well be the woman from my past, and if I was correct, then she knew I was the father of her son. I then reminded myself to follow my simple plan. To go slow, be patient, and see what happens. I could always confront her I told myself, that was always an option. She seemed to be a nice person, and it was never my intent to be hurtful or unkind to the woman from that July 4th morning. All I ever wanted was to know who she was and to know my child, even if my child never knew me as his father. Yes, I told myself, I could be happy if my son were only to know me as Bob's uncle, because that would be better than never knowing him at all. As I unlocked the car door I thought what good luck to meet Helen so soon. I wasn't prepared for it, but felt it went well.

When I returned home I looked at the Del Valle-West monthly calendar to see what was on the agenda for that day. At 10:00 a.m., after pastries and coffee, there were several card games and Bingo, and since I didn't enjoy playing cards all that much I figured I'd go and play Bingo, but that was an hour away. To kill that hour I decided I'd be a good guy and go help set it up, but when I got there they were all finished with that boring job. So I took a leisurely stroll back to my place with the thought in mind that I should phone Bob but there was no answer, so I left a message asking that he or Gerri call me at around seven that evening. I wanted to tell them I'd met Helen Gary and as I sat there I began thinking about that 4th of July morning, which now seemed so very long ago. I was a different person then, angry and upset at what had happened and how it messed up many a year of my life. But now I didn't seem to care so much about all that. All I wanted now was to know if these two people were my son and his mother. Then I heard something and looked out my living room window to see Shawn and Ivan waving at me. So I got up and went out to see what all the arm waving was about, and they asked if I was going to play Bingo or had I changed my mind.

"Yes I'm going to play Bingo this morning," I replied.

"Well get a move on," said Ivan, "it's almost ten."

So the three of us walked briskly over to the complex center because sometimes more people show up than can be accommodated. Fortunately we were all able to get seats, but not together. I ended up sitting next to Grace.

"How did you ladies enjoy your breakfast this morning," I asked.

"Well Cindy and I enjoyed ours just fine, but Helen suddenly lost her appetite. All she ended up having was coffee."

I told Grace I hoped I hadn't upset Helen in someway.

"You know Grace, Helen seemed a bit upset when you introduced her to me. Had you noticed?"

"No not really."

Just then the Bingo game started and as we were playing I felt as if someone was watching me, you know that feeling, that sixth sense we all have. Anyway after the first game was played and we were sitting awaiting the second one to begin, I noticed Helen sitting two rows of tables in front of us, facing us.

"Oh look Grace, there's Helen."

"Where?"

"Ahead two rows and slightly to your right."

We both nodded and smiled as Helen looked away. Her actions spoke volumes, I thought. I told myself not to be so suspicious; maybe she didn't want to acknowledge us for some other reason. Give it time I told myself, you just met her this morning and you barely know one another. But I couldn't help feeling that she was uncomfortable there playing Bingo.

A few days later I was out for a morning walk and heading nowhere in particular and suddenly coming towards me from the opposite direction were Helen, Grace, and John.

"Hi John I'm glad to see you, it's been about a week and I bet you're glad to be over the flu."

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Then Helen piped up with a lilt in her voice, "Aren't you going to say hello to the two of us?"

"Of course, hello Helen, hello Grace. But Helen I must tell you, I hesitated only because I didn't know how you would respond. I got the feeling the other day that you didn't like me, and I guess I felt that maybe I'd let you go first."

"Oh I like you well enough," she laughed. "Come along and walk with us, won't you?"

"Sure, I'd love to!"

"Then take my arm," she said sternly, "and lets move out, those two are too slow for me."

Before I knew it she and I were moving along at a pace that was too fast for me and I told her so. I informed Helen that I was 82 not 28. She apologized and explained that she wanted to get away from Grace and John only because she needed to speak with me alone. So I suggested we sit down on the bench just ahead of us, which was located under a big shade tree. As we sat Helen said I mustn't speak a word, not until she told me I could. She put her right index finger to my lips.

"Gary you must do this for me, you must not speak, promise?"

"I promise."

She pressed her finger hard against my lips as she said, "a simple nod will do."

So I nodded in the affirmative, but I wanted to tell her I knew what it was she was going to say. That she was the woman who broke into my home all those years ago, and that her son Lee was my son, our son. I even felt that I wanted to say I forgave her, and that that was all behind us. As I was thinking all of this I heard her say she was sure that Grace and John were going to split up.

"At their ages Gary, they are going to split up," she said in a genuinely sad voice.

I began to laugh uncontrollably, and all she could do was look at me with shock and disgust on her face. She got up and started to walk away from me and I grabbed her hand, and though my laughter I managed to assure her that they were pulling her leg.

"They do this to all of their new friends, they think it's funny. Believe me those two are joined at the hip, if one dies I'm sure the other will follow soon after."

"Gary, are you sure? I was out walking this morning when I bumped into the two of them. They were strolling along quietly, arm in arm, and I felt obligated to ask if they wanted company, hoping they would say no because they were moving too slowly for me. But unfortunately for me they said yes and that they had just made a decision, and a very important decision at that. And now that it was made they felt at peace with one another but were quite worried about how their children would react. All I could think of to say was that their children's feelings would have to come second to theirs. Naturally I couldn't stand not knowing what this important decision of theirs was, so I coyly said that they might fell better by running it by me first. Oh Gary, they got me didn't they, got me good. Of course that's when you came along and, well you know the rest."

"Yes Helen," I chuckled, "and you used me as a means of escape, didn't you."

Then the laughter left me just as suddenly as it had come upon me as I realized that what I was expecting to hear from her was not what I heard. I thanked the good Lord for preventing me from blurting out that which I was sure she was going to tell me. Once again I was reminding myself to go slow and not to rush my suspicions.

"Are you okay," asked Helen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you stopped laughing at me so abruptly, I thought you must suddenly be in pain."

"Oh no, I'm fine, I just thought of something kind of sobering that my mother use to say to us when we were having too good a time. Anyway it just took the happy right out of me."

We remained there on that bench for what seemed like hours, not saying a word to each other. I was looking down at the ground and wondering if I should confront Helen with what I thought about she and her son and myself. No, I told myself, sit tight and wait. She asked me again if I was okay and I assured her I was, and that I was sorry for being so far away in thought. I asked her if she had any plans for the day, and if not I would gladly fix a simple lunch for the two of us. She hesitated a bit and then replied that she had nothing special on her plate and would like very much to have lunch with me, as long as it wasn't tuna.

"How does plain old boiled ham on wheat with lettuce, tomato, and mayo sound?"

She said that sounded fine to her but wanted to know what time I wanted her to arrive. I told her anytime between now and noon was fine with me. Helen pointed out the fact that it was a little past nine and if she came over now what would we do until lunch. I told her we could kill those three hours in any manner that appealed to her, so she decided she'd go home and see me at my place around 11:45. I told her that was fine, got up, excused myself, and decided to continue my walk. As I casually strolled away she asked what it was I going to do right then. I turned and replied that I was going to walk and think for a while.

"Can I come along," she inquired? "I promise not to talk too much."

"Sure Helen, come on along."

I wasn't sure I wanted her company, but my words came out in the affirmative and so we walked away from the bench, not touching. All I could and wanted to do was wonder if she was that woman, and was her son mine. Finally she broke the silence by asking if I was aware that we had been walking for over an hour. I believed her only after looking at my watch.

"I don't know about you Helen but I'm hungry, would you like to have lunch now?"

Yes was her response as she took my arm. We slowly strolled along the walkway as we began to make our way back to my place, and as we went inside I said that I needed to sit for a short while to rest my tired old bones. I suggested the patio and after settling into one of the patio chairs I found myself asking Helen if she were widowed or divorced. Then I apologized for being so inquisitive. She assured me that the question was okay with her, and that she had been widowed years ago while pregnant with her son.

"You never married again?"

"No, I decided I didn't want marriage."

"If it's not too painful Helen, can you tell me how he died?"

"In a plane crash. A small four-seater single engine plane. In a jungle in South America. He and the pilot. The powers that be believed they must have gone down in a storm; he was there on business. We had only been married for a little more than a week. None of my family or friends even met him; it's almost like he never existed."

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Catalogue Information

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