Trafford Publishing: Deacon Jokes That a Pastor Can Tell* (*Possibly Even a Bishop)

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Deacon Jokes That a Pastor Can Tell* (*Possibly Even a Bishop)

by Don Lowe

110 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #02-0859; ISBN 1-55395-145-X; US$15.00, C$17.95, EUR12.50, £9.00

Healing humor and jokes that will pass the 99 3/4% purity test. Sprinkle them in speeches, homilies, and comedy club performances. Tell them at cocktail parties. Or share them with a good friend who needs a smile.

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about the book about the author sample excerpts catalogue info

About the Book

God our Creator wanted for all of us happiness, contentment, peace, and especially good health. Good, clean humor can be a very important facet in changing our hectic lives. I encourage all of you to become purveyors of good humor by using this collection of jokes as a textbook. With it you can become an expert in making people laugh and I guarantee that you will feel better. You will soon see that stress, health problems, and the pressures of our world will soon disappear.

About the Author

Being around my father was always fun. During the time he was a purchasing manager, he would always have a joke to tell at the dinner table. He heard them at work from salesmen with whom he spoke. Dad would even come home from the office early to watch the Soupy Sales Show with me. He does a great "White Fang" (one of Soupy's dogs). Dad's friends can attest to his prowess with the practical joke. My grandmother indoctrinated him very early by playing some great practical jokes on him. As his mother showed him, my Dad showed my mother, my sister, Nancy, and me how to enjoy comedy and taught us to always look at the bright side of all situations.
After his retirement from Risdon, Dad used his great sense of humor in his small mail order bow tie business, Lowe Bow Originals. I think many of his customers called him just to hear his jokes. Dad also became a Catholic deacon during this time. You might think that he would have had to limit his jokes, but my father never told off-color jokes. He believed as did Red Skelton: You do not need obscsenity to be funny.
After triple bypass surgery at age 87, Dad decided to write this joke book. I know you will all enjoy laughing with Dad the way I have for more than 50 years.
(from the Foreword, by Martin D. Lowe)

Sample Excerpts

Introduction

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
The one whose throne is in heaven sits laughing.
Psalm 2:4
When you fast, do not put on a gloomy look as the hypocrites do.
Matthew 6:1

Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
A merry heart does good like medicine.
Proverbs 17:22
Be one whose throne is in heaven sits laughing.
Psalm 2:4
Blessed are you who weep and mourn, for one day you will laugh.
Hymn, "Be Not Afraid"
Find joy in everything that leads to God.
St. Teresa of Avila

An onion makes people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented that would make people laugh.
Will Rogers

So that you all will become a lover and believer in humor, please consider for a moment the aforementioned quotations, which would certainly indicate that God our Creator wanted for all of us happiness, contentment, peace, and especially good health.
Therefore, I sincerely believe that good, clean humor can be a very important facet in changing our hectic lives. I also would like to encourage all of you to become purveyors of good humor by using this collection of jokes as a textbook. With it you can become an expert in making people laugh and I guarantee that you will feel better. You will soon see that stress, health problems, and the pressures of our world will soon disappear.
In order to substantiate some of the wonderful results that can be gained by the use of good humor and laughter to cure, I would like to quote from the studies of Dr. Charles Atkins. He is the former director of psychiatry at the Waterbury Hospital in Waterbury, Connecticut. He is now with the state of Connecticut Department of Mental Health. He has done extensive studies on the effects of good humor and laughter on many people.

In a recent article, Dr. Atkins gives a list of several negative physiological effects that can affect one's health:

Increases one's blood pressure.
Causes ulcers.
Elevates cholesterol.
Increases the riskof a heart attack.
Induces changes that can make us susceptible to many other diseases.

He then goes on to list the comparative beneficial psychological effects that good humor and laughter can bring to help us live a much better and happier life:

Decreases high blood pressure.
Enhances respiration/belly breathing.
Clears bronchial secretions.
Enhances immune system response.
Facilitates digestion.
Decreases muscle tension.
Increases communication and brings people together.
Reduces pain through the release of beta endorphins.
Increases sense of control.
Helps to realign one's perspective.

Dr. Atkins paraphrases a statement about an apple a day when he says, "A few jokes a day will also keep the doctor away." In discussing the positive effects of laughter and good humor, he calls our attention to Noor, he calls our attention to Norman Cousins, and how he cured himself of an incurable disease with a positive and humorous outlook on life.
All one has to do is read his book, "Anatomy of an Illness," to find out how Norman introduced humor, laughter and positive thinking into his life. He makes a very important statement in his book. "If negative thoughts can produce negative physiological repercussions in the body, then positive thinking can definitely produce positive physiological effects throughout the body," he writes.
I know that this statement is true because I have just undergone a three-artery bypass operation and I sincerely believe that I survived this very serious operation by having a good sense of humor, combined with positive thinking before and especially after the opermbined with positive thinking before and especially after the opery bypass operation and I sincerely believe that I survived this very serious operation by having a good sense of humor, combined with positive thinking before and especially after the operation.
I recently read an article that explains how the researchers of Loma Linda University in California discovered that a good healthy laugh not only does all of the things that Dr. Atkins mentions, but it boosts the immune function by raising the levels of the infection-fighting cells.
Laughter also triggers endorphins, the body's natural painkiller, and produces a general sense of well being. The researchers even describe a good belly laugh as the cardiac equivalent of "internal jogging." They suggest that you should immediately pop a Marx Brothers movie into your VCR.

Recently I began to reminisce about the good old days. These include the many years I have been collecting and telling jokes. I have enjoyed the laughter and humor, and know that they have affected my whole life. I truly believe that this has helped me to live a very long life.
The first time that I can remember hr entering my life was when I was about ten years old. My Dad used to buy a copy of the "Saturday Evening Post" and he and Iumor entering my life was when I was about 10 years old. My Dad used to buy a copy of the "Saturday Evening Post" and he and I used to enjoy looking at the cartoons that were famous for their good humor.
Later, when I was about 15, I was allowed to go to the movies once a week at the local theaters - or movie houses, as they were called in those days. I had the great pleasure of watching the antics of Laurel and Hardy, Harold Lloyd, Charlie Chaplin, the Marx Brothers, Ben Turpin, Buster Keaton, the Three Stooges and many others too numerous to mention. They were certainly some of the first dispensers of early laughter and good humor.
Moving on to the 1920s, I would never miss listening to the radio with such comedians as Milton Berle, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Burns and Allen, and Bob Hope, to name just a few. Of those radio years, one show that I particularly remember is "Can You Top This?" in which several contestants would tell their jokes and the audience laughter was measured by what the producers of the show called a "joke-meter." It was a very popular show.
Then television came along with such wonderful shows as "I Love Lucy," "Jack Benny," "The Red Skelton Hour," "The Show of Shows" starring the very talented and funny Sid Caesar and Imogene Coca), "Jonathan Winters," "The Carol Burnett Show," "Jimmy Durante." And who could ever forget "The Honeymooners," starring Jaccg Jackie Gleason and Art Carney, or "All in the Family" with Carroll O'Connor and Jean Stapleton? I suggest you catch some of these reruns on television if you have the opportunity, or rent the video tape.
To help you develop some good rules for becoming a pro at telling jokes, here are some tried and true tips:

You must be relaxed and sensitive to your audience.

Always have a smile on your face. Take your time to elaborate every detail of the joke. Exaggerate a blow-by-blow description of the joke you are telling, using body language whenever you can.

Never, under any circumstances, make any racial or sexist slurs that could offend anyone. Also, don't make fun of a person who might have a disability (ie: stuttering), and don't make fun of another person's religion.

The most important part of telling a joke is the punch line. You have got to give the punch line everything you have. Pause a few seconds so that the audience can anticipate the punch line and then deliver it with a slightly raised voice. At the end of each joke laugh right along with your audience.

The final rule is a very important one: Keep it clean. This is a rule I have followed ever since I was ordained a deacon in 1977. At that time I really had to clean up my act and tell only what I like to call wholesome jokes. I have done just that and therefore the jokes in this book, I feel, will definitely survive a 99 3/4% purity test.

To especially illustrate the last rule, I would like to tell you a story about my favorite comedian, one of the best in the business. About 25 years ago, my wife Ann and myselfselfyselflfd the delightful privilege of seeing Red Skelton perfo had the delightful privilege of seeing Red Skelton perform at the Desert Inn in Las Vegas.
His show lasted about two hours and at the end of his performance he received a standing ovation. As he this performance he received a standing ovation. As he took his last bow and the audience quieted down, Mr. Skelton said, "Your sincere applause and your standing ovation make me very happy and indicated that you did enjoy the performance. I wonder if you noticed that I didn't use any off-color jokes or pantomiumor and laughter on many people. This has been my philosophy as I have performed all around the world as a comedian and it will be my philosophy until I retire."
So, let's get on with the jokes so that you can start to become an expert purveyor of laughter and good humor. All of the jokes in this book have been collected over the many years that humor has been part of my life. You may sprinkle them in speeches, homilies, and comedy club performances. You may tell them at cocktail parties. Or you may share them with a good friend who needs a smile.
Have fun and share the laughter. You will find out that good humor is the real answer to many of the problems in this world today. And remember:

Laughter is like music
That lingers in the heart.
And when its melody is heard
The ills of life depart.
- Anon.

Catalogue Information