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Never Goodbye: The Eternal Nature of Soul

by Vivian C. Beckingham

168 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #02-0952; ISBN 1-55395-238-3; US$18.50, C$20.83, EUR14.50, £10.00

Fifteen-year-old Katy McCall tries to cope with her brother Evan's accidental death. She believes he is gone forever, but is he? Is death really the end?

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About the Book

About the Author

Excerpts

Catalogue Information

About the Book

Fifteen-year-old Katy McCall has lost her brother Evan in a tragic accident. Guilt, grief and depression overwhelm her.

Katy finds help from unexpected sources. A stranger suggests, "If death is not the end, then perhaps your brother can answer some of your questions."

Katy wonders who the person is who looks like Evan, and sounds like Evan? Is he a ghost, an angel, or is this really Evan? Who is giving this Evan all these amazing ideas?

Journey with Katy as she explores the nature of Love, Life, Death, Truth and Reality.

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About the Author

Vivian Beckingham is a Rehabilitation Support Worker and an aspiring writer, who began writing for adolescents and young adults by accident. As a child and teenager, she had troubles reading and writing, so the thought of writing a novel was impossible to imagine.

Vivian repeated English 30 during summer school to improve her writing skills and prepare for university and discovered that she could write. After graduating from university with a Bachelor of Fine Arts, the idea of writing and illustrating her own line of children's books was born.

She enrolled in a correspondence course from The Institute of Children's literature, from Redding, Connecticut, in the fall of 1986. When she finally conquered her fear of writing, Vivian realized two facts: first, her style of writing was for teens and young adult and second, she enjoyed writing more than drawing and illustrating.

The last assignment in the writing course gave the student two options, create a long short story, or write the first three chapters of a book. If you chose to write the three chapters, then you also had to create an outline of the book and a character study. Since Vivian disliked creating outlines and did not believe she could write a book, she chose to write the long short story.

Vivian had originally begun to write a light teen romance. During the writing of the first chapter, she imagined hearing the character Katy saying, "But the terminator never dies." At that moment she knew that the theme of the book would deal with death and the illusion of death being the end.

In a few months, she had written the three chapters. In April of 1988, she graduated. A year later, she finished the first draft of her book.

Over 10 rewrites and 16 years later, Vivian completed her book in September of 2002. Over those 16 years, Vivian journeyed away from thoughts of improbability and disbelief, towards thoughts of optimism, possibilities and the belief in miracles and the creative spirit.

She believes that, "If I can create a miracle, then anyone can."

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Excerpts

Chapter 24

A Gift of Pure Harmony

Mom talked with me upstairs in my bedroom, while Dad had a conversation with Andrew in the living room. First, I promised not to lie to Mom or Dad again. Then I told Mom about Andrew's cousin Megan, and about how we had helped each other to deal with the death of both Megan and Evan.

I said, "Mom, Andrew is such a special, wonderful person." I told Mom about what had happened at school with Henry. I ended with, "I wish you could get to know him better." I anxiously watched Mom to gage her reaction.

Mom said, "I'm beginning to believe you. However, Katy, I caution you about putting him on a pedestal. No person is perfect."

"Mom, I-"

"Katy, listen. I know you are thinking that your old Mom is just being a Mom. Well, you're right, I am a Mom, and that gives me the right to be the Mom." Mom brushed my bangs towards the side of my head. "You're so young, almost sixteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. I see that Andrew is a nice, considerate boy, young man." Mom quickly amended. "I believe that he's a very good first boy friend."

"What do you mean, first?" I asked.

"That's what I mean," Mom answered. "You're thinking like Andrew is the be all and end all of your life. You are both very young. You may become much more than friends or your relationship may remain in the friendship stage. You both have a lot of growing and living to do."

"I get it Mom. You want me to date a whole lot of other guys. You want me to break up with Andrew. Andrew is the best part of my life and you want me to break up with him? I can't do that. Mom, I won't do that," I said.

"No Katy that is not what I am saying. I just don't want you to forget your other friends, or other interests. I don't want your life to depend entirely on Andrew. If he goes off to college, you might not see each other for months at a time. You need to be able to live your life without expecting Andrew to be around all the time. You need to develop strength inside your own heart. Do you understand what I mean?" Mom asked.

I finally understood. I answered, "I understand Mom. You're okay with me seeing Andrew. But you want me to be the Katy, who can stand on her wn two feet, right?"

Mom gave me a big hug and said, "Thank God, you understand. The Mom in me wants to protect you from all harm. That was easier to do when you were a baby. Now, I know that is not possible. You're going out into the world and I can't watch you 95% of the time, as I did when you were a baby. I'm hoping that your Dad and I have taught you to take good care of yourself. This is my way of trying to give you a little bit of that cocoon like protection. Katy, your Dad and I love you very much and we'll always be here for you."

"I know Mom. I love you too."

Mom and Dad brought us together in the living room, while they went into the kitchen to talk. Andrew and I faced each other with the coffee table between us.

I whispered, "What happened?"

Andrew whispered back, "I think it went well. I explained everything."

I assured Andrew, "I explained everything to Mom." I added, "I was very honest."

Mom and Dad returned to let us know what they had decided. They were happy that we had told the truth about our afternoon, but they had to address my lie. Since I apologized and promised to tell my parents the truth from now on, Mom and Dad decided to ground me for only two weeks on school nights. That was my karma, the consequence for telling Mom the lie. I felt lucky that the grounding was so lenient, even though this meant that my Friday night date with Andrew was toast.

Happily, there was a small benefit connected with this karma. They said, Andrew could come over and visit me once during the week, as long as either Mom, or Dad were at home. The weekends were to-be evaluated later in this week. I think they were starting to like Andrew.

That night Patty phoned. Mom told her she would have to wait to speak with me at school the following morning. The pain of waiting seemed to be Patty's reoccurring karma. In the morning, she felt elation and disappointment when she heard my story. She said this was like waiting for the next installment in a continuing soap opera.

Before the weekend arrived, I would have to work through a couple of math classes. I wanted to make sure that my math homework woes would not interfere with this coming weekend. A mathematician I am not. Math was my Achilles Heel. I believed there was no hope for this to change in the near future, let alone in this lifetime. Math class followed our lunch breaks on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I usually spent part of my noon hour trying to figure out some monstrous math problems. Luckily, Martha Hiller, who was the class math wiz, usually sat with us during the lunch hour.

The school cafeteria was an average looking cafeteria. A giant, open space located in the basement area of our school, had tables colored in pastel blues, yellows, green and orange hues, were scattered around the open area. Seats around the tables varied from four to six seats. Vending machines lined the far wall, opposite to a row of windows.

One element of the cafeteria that was unique to our school was a small stage, which measured 3 meters by 4 meters. It was located in the corner opposite to the doorway, next to the windows. The stage challenged anyone who was brave of heart, to step up and show his or her wares. It had become a gathering spot. Singers, actors, poets, anyone who could, would take centre stage. Planned, or spontaneous student entertainment was usually something to look forward too, during the dinner hour.

Today, Andrew made a quick pit stop in the cafeteria. I was focusing my attention on figuring out a math problem, when he surprised me. He whispered in my ear, "I'd kiss you, but that might start tongues wagging." I turned to look into his laughing eyes. Andrew added, "You're cute when you're blushing."

I found my voice, "Hi. I didn't expect to see you in here."

"You don't think I eat? Or maybe you think I eat only Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, or Chinese food?" Andrew joked.

I laughed and was about to answer, when I noticed Patty's eyes and ears glued on the two of us. Martha, Trudy and every other person's eyes and ears within ear-shot were staring at us. Andrew also noticed the audience.

"Tongues are already wagging," Andrew whispered. He squeezed my hand. I squeezed his hand back. "I've got to go," Andrew said, then smiled and left.

Everyone began to speak at once. Martha Hiller almost yelled, "You and Andrew Dover. This is beyond real."

Trudy Caster agreed, "You're living my dream. How come you're so lucky?"

"It's real," Patty assured them. "He ki-"

"Patty!" I yelled in time to stop her.

"He bought her pizza," Patty finished.

I added, "He's been helping me out. Andrew's nice."

"Maybe he can help me?" Martha suggested.

"Yeah, whatever he's helping you with, count me in," Trudy added.

"We're just friends. I try not to bug him," I said.

Patty's laugh turned into a series of coughs. "Dry throat," Patty said as she rubbed her throat. "Oohhh, look, it's Chester," Patty shouted. "He said his group would be playing a couple of songs. He sang me a couple of verses of one of his songs. He has a heavenly voice. Wait till you hear it." She enthusiastically waved a greeting to him.

Chester spotted Patty. He waved and smiled. Patty's excitement level jumped off the Richter scale. She stood, started waving and blowing Chester kisses. "I told him we would be his cheering section. Come-on gals show a little enthusiasm," Patty waved to us to join in. I looked at Martha, and Trudy, we nodded, grinned and joined Patty's cheering section.

I asked, "Patty, what's their group name?"

"What?" Patty yelled.

I enunciated, "What is the group's name?"

"Pure Harmony," Patty enunciated her answer, before she began cheering again.

I began to repeat a cheer; both Martha and Trudy added their voices and repeated, "Harmony, Harmony, Harmony." Patty laughed, gave us a thumbs-up, and joined the cheer.

By this time, Chester and the other members of the band had finished setting up their chairs, mike and equipment. Chester motioned us to quiet down, before he adjusted his mike and tuned his keyboard. His two friends played acoustic guitars.

We all sat down. Patty repeated, "Wait until you hear them. They're heavenly." She swooned as she said this. Patty was right. They were dreamy. The audience focused their attention on the three band members. As I listened to the music, I closed my eyes and relaxed. A peaceful feeling entered my heart. I quietly sang the HU song.

Suddenly, I bolted to a sitting position. I rubbed my eyes and squinted at an image that had materialized about five feet to the left of the stage. A hazy, ghost-like waterfall had appeared and an illuminated, shimmering blue doorway could be seen half hidden behind the falling water.

I sat, staring in stunned disbelief, as I looked around to share my shock with others. No one else noticed this phenomenon. Everyone else's attention was riveted on the three performers on the stage.

The blue door opened and a white, almost blinding light beamed into the room. I was the only person who shielded her eyes. I realized that no one else saw this. A figure of Light stepped through the door and motioned for me, to follow. I pointed to myself. Again, the Being of Light motioned for me to follow. I wondered, is this Light person a member of 'The Brotherhood of Light and Love'?

I slowly stood up and looked around. No one yelled at me to sit down. I turned around and was startled to see my physical body. I bent over and looked into my sleeping face. My chin was on top of my folded hands. I looked at Patty. She was in a different type of dreamland. I stepped in front of Patty, but she did not react. It was as if she could see right through me. I wondered, is this another out-of-body experience?

I straightened and shielded my eyes, as I maneuvered my way towards the figure of Light. No one saw me. I was like Evan, invisible to everyone except for the Being of Light. As I moved next to the waterfall, I could feel the misty coolness of the water. The illuminated figure nodded and turned. I looked around the room. Everyone was still staring at the stage. I trustingly followed the figure of Light through the blue doorway, into the unknown.

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Catalogue Information

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