Trafford Publishing: Nobody Moved Your Cheese!

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Nobody Moved Your Cheese!

by Ross Shafer

200 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-0021; ISBN 1-55395-658-3; US$19.50, C$22.95, EUR16.00, £11.50

After reading this book, you will never feel insecure about your career decisions ever again.

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About the Book      About the Author      Sample Excerpts      Catalogue Info

About the Book

"Nobody Moved Your Cheese" is a fun, yet challenging look at the so called business and cultural "experts" of our time.
Ross Shafer is a former pet shop manager turned comedian/TV talk show host who has spent nearly twenty years on the corporate lecture circuit as an after dinner speaker and entertainer. And most of the time, he is there with world famous authors and lecturers. This book dares to expose just how irrelevant their "expert advice" is to your life.
Ross takes on some of our most revered cultural icons in the chapters, NOBODY MOVED YOUR CHEESE, THOSE CHICKEN SOUP BOOKS ARE FOR FOOLS, ANTHONY ROBBINS HASN'T DONE A DAMN THING, THE ONE-MINUTE MANAGER GOT LAID OFF, and 10 THINGS DR. LAURA SAYS TO GET YOU TO BUY HER BOOKS.
Plus, Ross slaps conventional wisdom in the face in chapters like, YOUR JOB IS TERMINAL...AND OTHER GOOD NEWS, GOAL SETTING IS STUPID, BACK UP YOUR LIES WITH THE TRUTH, and GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE CAN BANKRUPT YOU.
This is a book about taking extreme responsibility. Ross promises that it will shock you and empower you at the same time. You'll never feel insecure about your job or career choices again.

About the Author

Ross Shafer is a SIX-TIME Emmy Award Winning Comedian and Writer. He has hosted several Network Talk & Game shows; including THE LATE SHOW on FOX, DAYS END on ABC, THE MATCH GAME on ABC and ALMOST LIVE for Comedy Central.
Ross is also a comedy producer for such networks as BRAVO, TNN, USA and others. He is a concert headliner and been a frequent guest on EVENING AT THE IMPROV, THE "A" LIST, CAROLINES COMEDY HOUR and COMIC STRIP LIVE.
Ross is very active in the corporate marketplace, having entertained and given seminars for Fortune 500 companies from here to Saudi Arabia. In fact, Ross has also written and produced more than a dozen funny Corporate Video Training Films on Customer Service, Sales, and Motivation.
However, he is most proud of his two books; a cookbook titled, "COOK LIKE A STUD" - (38 recipes men can prepare in the garage...using their own tools!) and his latest effort, "NOBODY MOVED YOUR CHEESE!" - (How to Ignore the Experts and Trust Your own Gut).

Sample Excerpts

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Fighting Words? (a so-called introduction)

1. Everybody is Wrong...Except You

The Experts Are Wrong About You

2. Nobody Moved Your Cheese!
3. Anthony Robbins Hasn't Done a Damn Thing.
4. Sweat the Small Stuff...Or Die!
5. Those "Chicken Soup" Books Are For Fools.
6. 10 Stupid Things Dr. Laura Says to Get You to Buy her Books.
7. The One-Minute Manager Got Laid Off.

Your Job Is Terminal...& Other Good News

8. Your Job Is Terminal.
9. Goal Setting Is Stupid.
10. Find Your Breaking Point.
11. Your Mentor Won't Tell You Everything.
12. Networking Only Works Half the Time.
13. Your First Idea Usually Stinks.
14. I Pray You are Short, Fat and Bald.
15. With Any Luck, You'll Be a Fluke.
16. Stop Taking Credit for Your Phenomenal Success.
17. Your Dreams Always Look Better in the Window.
18. Rent Your Dreams Before You Buy Them.
19. The 7 Habits of Highly Sneaky People who Will Screw You.

Despite What You've Heard, There ARE Shortcuts To Success

20. Back Up Your Lies With the Truth.
21. The Fear of Public Speaking is Highly Overrated.
22. Win Awards & Get Famous.
23. Obsessed People Get Things Done.
24. Turtles Can Win, Too.
25. Make Sure Your Paradigm Shift has a Reverse Gear.

For Managers & Other Know-It-Alls

26. Stop Idolizing Jack Welch.
27. Throw Out Your Business Plan.
28. Good Customer Service Can Bankrupt You.
29. Consultants Are Scams.
30. Management Retreats Can Kill Morale.
31. Don't Listen To those Fear Mongering Futurists.
32. The Stock Market is Rigged.
33. I hope You Go Broke.

Admit It. You Ain't Perfect

34. Everybody is Screwed Up...Not Just You.

Your Stories Are Needed

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FIGHTING WORDS?

     How dare I challenge you to ignore the advice of your friends, your family and your loved ones? What gives me the right to encourage you to question the wisdom of relationship Diva, Dr. Laura, or the motivational maven, Tony Robbins, or even the former field general of GE, Jack Welch? Worse, how could I possibly pick on the nice man whose asked millions of people worldwide the question, "Who Moved Your Cheese?"
     Because I think these so called "experts" are dead wrong about what they think is right for YOU. Only YOU know what's right for YOU.
     As a TV & radio host, I've interviewed the usual suspects of popular authors, experts and pundits. As a speaker and entertainer, I've shared the podium with a lot of them. Most of these professional advice-dispensers are hawking a best selling book, a survey, or a 10-step formula they claim will dramatically change YOUR life. You and I could probably choke a library with the copies we've bought. Then, if you're like me, you've missed your favorite sitcoms studying; dutifully attempting to emulate their success. But their books, surveys and formulas don't exactly apply to You. Only You apply to You.
     Besides, the experts don't know you. They don't know your employer, your stockholders or your family dynamics. They don't share your dreams or have experienced your roadblocks. Fact is, they probably don't care if you succeed or fail.
     That's YOUR job. Because it's YOUR life!
     So, stop listening to the "Experts" and TRUST YOUR OWN GUT. In the end, It's ALWAYS about YOU!

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SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF...OR DIE!
      If this is a shock to you, you are probably unemployed or on the way. Because if you don't sweat the small stuff, you'll have no place in this world; let alone a job!
      I interviewed the author of those "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" books, Richard Carlson, Ph.D., when I was hosting a local TV show in Seattle. I found him to be an ultra syrupy, sickeningly nice person who just made me ill. So sweet. So genuine. So sensitive. Afterward, I wanted to go out and buy cigars and porno to get my equilibrium back.
      Now, I don't have a problem with Richard trying to get people to calm down, relax, put things in perspective, and not take the world so seriously. But I laughed until milk shot out of my nose when he wrote the book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...At Work." I couldn't believe I was reading chapters like, Don't Sweat the Bureaucracy, Don't Dramatize the Deadlines, Don't Sweat the Demanding Boss, and Dare to Be Happy. Is he kidding?! Has Dr. Carlson ever punched a real time clock? And I don't count his psychologist "Your Time's-Up" alarm. Has he ever had to sweat a sixty-day employee evaluation? I'll bet not! He's a therapist who listens to your life, takes surveys of other people's lives, and writes books about them.
      The small stuff is all you have to sweat. You were hired to be productive, to be innovative, to be collaborative, and to help the company turn a profit. You sold your soul to that corporate devil in return for a weekly paycheck! And now, somebody is telling you that you should have less small stuff to sweat? Dr. Carlson is on another planet if he thinks your personal well being, at work, takes precedent over the reason you were hired in the first place.
      What's happened to us? We've become a nation of thin-skinned victims! My God, we live in a world where your company hires a trauma therapist if you get stuck in an elevator over the lunch hour. Except, the therapy is not to medicate your scarred psyche. It's to avoid a lawsuit. What ever happened to toughing it out? Sucking it up?
      When I played football we knew the game was rough and we learned to play with a little pain. I know this firsthand because radio announcers would refer to me as "the guy who was shaken up on the play." Besides, why must we measure stress in terms of small stuff and big stuff? It's all just normal stuff that needs to be done to keep the company doors open and your camper payment from bouncing.
ANTHONY ROBBINS HASN'T DONE A DAMN THING
      If there is anyone who thinks he knows how to realize YOUR potential it is Anthony Robbins. You've seen him on TV and you may have even bought his books and tapes. But what has he done, really?
      For one, he knows how to suck people in. I bought "Awaken The Giant Within" but fell asleep before I could finish it.
      To me, he was an easy comic target. Those sappy motivational infomercials. That enormous head. That piano-key grin. Yes, I admit to sinking low enough to utter, "Anthony Robbins has so many teeth that when he got them capped, 47 people had to go on back order."
      Or, this one. "Nobody is that optimistic. I have a feeling that if Tony Robbins ever went to jail he'd tell people he was living in a "gated community."
      Well, the laugh was on me when I was told I was going to have to "follow him" at a major Health Industry conference. He was a last minute guest speaker and they shifted the program to suit his schedule. Gulp!
      This guy is an imposing six feet seven inches tall and very commanding! He storms the stage with a muscular body that contorts in such violent moves that the stage is quickly chewed up, spit out and every evangelist within 500 miles runs for cover. Tony's mighty fists pound the air as he hammers the audience into championing his amazing new "life technology." A "technology" that will transform anyone's life. The audience suspends common sense with every persuasive syllable. He promises to help make you thin, rich, powerful, a better parent, a more loving spouse, and the best friend anyone could have.
      I was supposed to follow that?
      The after-show autograph line (for Tony...not me) took forever to die down. As a performer, I really admired what he had just accomplished. But, as his presence wore off, I thought to myself, "Wait a sec. Tony Robbins hasn't done a damn thing." Tony hasn't built a revolutionary rapid transit system or a groundbreaking wireless technology or built a chain of retail stores from the ground up. He hasn't introduced a lifesaving medicine, changed the course of military history or even designed a better Kentucky Fried Chicken Spork. He got famous for selling tapes of himself on a TV show that HE paid for. The "technology" he touts is simply information and quotes he's gathered from successful people, elsewhere. Yet, he commands amazingly high fees to consult with professional sports teams, captains of industry, and even leaders of countries.
      He's a brilliant showman but he's not an original.
      He's just louder!
BACK UP YOUR LIES WITH THE TRUTH
      You want the fastest route to the top? Lie.
      I'm totally serious. If you get offered an incredible job or business opportunity BEFORE you're ready to take it, look that person in the eyeballs and...lie.
      I've done it a million times.
      I'm not talking about lies to cover your butt from past lapses. I'm talking about lying to challenge yourself to become truthful.
      Confusing?
      Look at it this way. How many times you been asked if you could take on a certain job - a task you hadn't done before - but would like to. My attitude was always this. If somebody had enough confidence to ask me, then I was going to take advantage of the opportunity. Therefore, I would always say, "YES!" and then figure out the details, later. What about failing? I simply don't consider failure an option. My method of operation was that if I asked enough people who knew; enlisted enough "battle tested' opinions, I couldn't screw up that badly. In fact, because I felt pressure to back up my lie with the truth, chances were better that I might end up doing the job very well. And you know what? You're not really lying. In your soul you know you can accomplish more than your current training suggests. Say "yes" and then be resourceful enough to find the answers.
      Let me give you an example.
      A few years ago, I noticed that a couple of drug companies offered free educational videos to accompany first time users of diabetes machines. I thought, "Why not sell a short informational video for other conditions?" Hmm, could I write a script like that? No, not yet. So, I called a friend of mine, John Lloyd, who was an expert in the pharmaceutical business and asked him if he could identify some conditions, companies and drugs that might be candidates. He targeted companies who treated arthritis and hypertension and I made the inquiries. Of course, these big companies didn't want to hear a pitch from a "comedian." I mean, what did I know about their business? So John coached me, schooled me on the terminology, and tested me. Within a month I was in New Jersey with a 30-page script educating arthritis sufferers. Here I was, in a room with a group of master-degreed pharmaceutical reps confidently yakking like I'd spent a lifetime in the drug business.
      All because I said "Yes" to myself. I walked out with a $230,000 order. To this day, they probably still think I missed my calling.
YOUR FIRST IDEA USUALLY STINKS.
      Never settle for your first good idea. To date, that only worked for Amadeus Mozart. Mortals like us can't afford the luxury.
      Too many times in your life your work will be judged on its first impression. Make sure it's as razor sharp as you can hone it. Raise the bar on yourself. Don't accept your first notion or your first draft. You can always improve on your idea. No writer, producer, or top business executive I know accepts their first draft. They squeeze the juice out of every possibility in search of originality and excellence.
      I'll show you what I mean. Here is an example of a joke I wrote after I saw the 'Texas Chain Saw Massacre' movie. It took on several different incarnations before I nailed the right combination of attitude, point of view, and maximum laugh value. Ladies and gentlemen, The Chain Saw Joke.
      First Draft: Where I grew up, in the rugged Pacific Northwest, a man chasing a woman with a chain saw meant dinner was late. (Mildly amusing but mean - got groans from women)
      Second Draft: I watched that Texas Chain Saw Massacre movie and thought, "Hey, that guy is using my Dad's saw." (Pretty good laugh but the perspective wasn't twisted enough)
      Third Draft: When I went to the Texas Chain Saw Massacre movie I wondered if anyone knew that was a phony saw the guy was using. The chain was making noise but it wasn't moving. (Not only is this NOT a joke, it got very far away from the best and more obscure observation)
      Final Draft: Remember that Texas Chain Saw Massacre movie? It was just a normal movie to you guys. But in the Pacific Northwest we watched at it and said, "Can you believe they're using a McCulloch 210?" That version works every time. Always a big Laugh. It is specific and draws attention to the absurdity of focusing on the wrong elements of the movie.
      When our comedy writing team at Almost Live (Seattle TV show) would come up with a new comedy bit, we'd always ask ourselves, "It seems funny but is it original enough to win an Emmy Award?" Emmy Awards are given for innovation and outstanding achievement. And, if we didn't think our "bit" was unusual or funny enough, we'd usually move on. We never settled for ordinary. We strove (is that a real word?) for the Extraordinary.
      By the time I left, our little local TV show had won over 30 of those little gold statues.
      Ignore those people who say your first instinct is usually the best. That's just plain ignorant when you are writing, speaking or making presentations. "Winging it" is absolutely suicidal. Everybody needs to rewrite, edit, and rewrite it again until it's worth reading.
      Just think. If Moses had kept those tablets to himself just a little longer, he could rewritten them, come up with at least 30 more, and gotten an author credit. I'M KIDDING! Jeez, lighten up.

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