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Confessions of a Swinger

by Karen Kennedy

107 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-0653; ISBN 1-4120-0284-2; US$16.00, C$19.95, EUR13.00, £9.00

This true-to-life account breaks the barrier on mental illness, dispelling myths and normalizing mood disorders. For anyone who suspects they are held hostage by their own turbulent moods.

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about the book      about the author      sample excerpts or Table of Contents      catalogue info

About the Book Radio/television broadcaster and author Karen Kenneddy shares her story of her journey with Biploar Affective Disorder, more commonly known as Manic Depression, living with it unknowingly and finally after 15 years, finding a diagnosis. Karen's personal account of how this mood disorder affected her life may seem familiar to you or may describe someone you know. Her often humourous insights into the symptoms and anatomy of this illness help shake the stigma of mental illness. Karen encourages people to identify and address a potential problem by getting proffessional help. She tells of her experience in regaining control over her moods and ultimately living a quality life. In Confessions of a Swinger, she breaks the barrier on mental illness by putting an unremarkable face to the illness of biploar affective disorder, which affects more than 1% of the population. Myths and misunderstandings around mental illness have contributed to negative judgements, shame and stigma. Karen helps dispel some of these myths and "normalize" mental illness. This book is for anyone who suspects they are held hostage by their own turbulent moods and also for family and friends caught in the storm.

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About the Author Karen Kennedy is a radio/television broadcaster who has worked and lived in Vancouver, B.C. for 15 years and has recently moved to Sarnia, Ontario where she is a morning-show host on CFGX 99.9 The FOX FM. Born in St. John*s, Newfoundland, she's lived in many areas of Canada and has worked in various industries from broadcasting to hotel/restaurant to painting nuts, bolts and stretches of pipe at oil refineries in Alberta. Her adventurous and restless nature compelled her to travel though parts of the U.S., Europe, the Middle East and the Bahamas. While "Confessions of a Swinger" is her first plunge into the literary lake, she hopes to continue writing and is currently working on her next endeavor which addresses, among other issues, the Canadian judicial system and its impact on divorcing families in turmoil.

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Sample Excerpts

FOREWORD

Our society can go a long way in reducing the stigma associated with mental illness by gaining a better understanding and knowledge on mental health issues. One in five Canadians will experience a mental health issue which will affect their quality of life. Governments, businesses and society as a whole will pay a large price as long as adequate effort is not made to understand and address mental health and mental illness issues. Depression has been acknowledged as one of the most common psychiatric disorders. It is estimated that by the year 2020, depression will be the leading cause of disability affecting the workplace worldwide.

As a human race we openly discuss cancer, heart problems, diabetes, a broken leg or arm, kidney disease and a myriad of other physical illnesses. We show interest, send cards or flowers to someone that has had heart surgery, survived cancer; we call to ask how they are doing. But when it comes to someone that has a disease of the brain, our guard goes up. Is the brain not considered to be part of the human body? Most of the time we are unaware that an acquaintance, a friend or even a family member, are silently dealing with a mental illness. Stigma prevails, ignorance reigns and an environment of not knowing what to do or how to respond, blossoms. Mental illness is a chemical imbalance of the brain; diabetes is a chemical imbalance of the pancreas; we openly talk about having diabetes, or of someone else having diabetes but when it comes to a mood disorder, or schizophrenia or clinical depression - just to mention a few - we clam up most of the time.

It takes courageous individuals like Karen Kennedy to try and make a significant dent into the wall of silence that surrounds mental illness. In her book Karen openly discusses her turbulent journey with a mood disorder. Her experience was like sailing in rough waters in a one man boat without a compass or a port-of-call. All through her book, Karen exhibits an excellent sense of humour, writing about a subject that is not even remotely funny. Having a mental illness may contribute to loss of employment, loss of relationships, loss of pleasure, loss of all the little things in life that we take for granted; and that is not funny.

Finally, "Confessions of a Swinger" is a book about hope, about how one determined woman got to the root of her problem and started dealing with it. It's about recovery and resilience, and about an ongoing struggle with mental illness. A mood disorder did not stop Karen from having a career, a family, friends, a life. To quote Karen "It is immensely easier to live with the devil you know than the devil you don't know". The unknown generates fear for most of us. However, once we know what we are dealing with, we may still feel the fear, but we are able to move on.

Myths and misunderstandings around mental illness have contributed to negative judgments, shame and stigma. Karen through her personal insights helps to dispel some of these myths, to "normalize" mental illness and to have it "emerge into light".

Rany Xanthopoulo
Director of Development,
Education and Administration

Canadian Mental Health Association
Lambton County Branch

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Introduction to My Story

Politically incorrect as some would say, I feel a compelling need to apologize for my life, as it was, in those tumultuous years. I also want to make amends, in advance, for hurt feelings that may come about as a result of this book. The people I suspect will be disturbed by my disclosures, are the members of my immediate and extended family. I thank God these things were revealed five years into my second marriage, because had they previous to, I'm sure my in-laws would have found a way to have me hospitalized until their son was deprogrammed and on his was to some foreign country. Stephen's parents biggest concern at that point, before the wedding, was that I wasn't Jewish. If they only knew! As it stands now, I have shared most of the more extraordinary moments of my life with my mother-in-law. I figure some things are best finding out directly and not through reading in a book. The evening after these revelations were made, I found myself mired in misgivings. I was terrified Stephen's mother would see me differently, defective. Although I never tried to be anyone other than who I am, I couldn't help but feel like an imposter exposed. I called her that night to express these fears and realized they were unfounded. As it was, my disclosure had explained some of my questionable previous behavior. My mother-in-law knew there was something not quite right at times, but was too discrete to inquire.

She assured me that my history was not indicative to her of who I truly was. Indeed, she was surprised that I could have behaved in the ways I described. It was so unlike me, she said. Yes, that was my point, I was ill at those times.

We are very much alike, she and I, especially in the way we both enjoy reading medical books for pleasure, so she was not completely unfamiliar with the condition of manic-depression. But she emphasized that she saw me as a good person, mother and spouse to her son, and the fact that I had this illness would not change her opinion. These words meant a great deal to me. For one, she is a wonderful, bright and spirited woman whom I greatly admire, and two, there was still a chance I would be in the will!

And then, of course, there is my immediate family. Truthfully, I am not too concerned about the reactions of my sisters, after reading this book. Despite being both geographically and chronologically distanced from them for many years, there is closeness between us. Overall, there was never contention over one of us being better, smarter or luckier than the others. We are who we are. But my mother, well, she's a different story. The early years weren't particularly harmonious, but our relationship has seen profound changes. I have achieved a deep love and acceptance for my mother for all that she is and was in the past. I am proud of the fact that I can verbalize these feelings and am confident she accepts them as fact.

Love has been a sticky issue for us in previous times, but now, much to my immense gratification, it is an emotion directed at and shared by, each other. I love her with all my soul and would never do anything to hurt her...except...

Most of us spend our lives striving to make our parents proud. I can assure you; proud will not be the word on the tip of my mothers' tongue when she reads this book. Hell, it isn't something to be proud of, but it is the truth!

And that's what motivated me to write this book. As they say, if only one person gains from my loss, I will have fulfilled my duty. Maybe someone will recognize a similar behavioral pattern. Perhaps you know a person who suffers from expansive mood swings not unlike my own. In the book, I have provided a list of symptoms required to meet the DSM-IV R criteria for Bipolar Affective Disorder, or manic depression,but I think sometimes people have a hard time taking short, impersonal statements and applying them to their own experiences. I suspect some might find it easier to relate to specific situations. If you recognize yourself in my story, I urge you to take action and not incur anymore waste or damage to your life.

It's time to stop self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. It is also important to understand that certain forms of depression cannot be overcome by self-help regiments either, they need medical evaluation and treatment. For me, the only twelve steps I wanted to take when I was sick were the ones that got me behind the door to my bedroom.

Depression and manic depression are like other illnesses that people can have without being aware of its presence. They may chalk it up to "having a dark side", or just plain "being a bitch". That would explain why it frequently goes untreated. Or, if they do realize they are suffering from a mental illness, they believe it is a punishment for being a bad person. It is not!

What it is, is a debilitating illness with a physical cause - like diabetes, heart disease or arthritis. Essentially, it is a chemical imbalance, which causes a disturbance in brain chemistry, resulting in mood disorders. If you think a family member or friend has manic depression, it is just as important for you to read this book, because it is very hard to imagine what a person goes through if they have not experienced the wretchedness of this illness themselves. My own diagnosis of manic depression has set off the phenomenon by which you become highly aware of things you hadn't noticed before. For example, if you've ever had a pregnancy scare, while you're still unsure whether you are or not, all of a sudden you see pregnant women and babies everywhere you go. Since I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, I have come in contact with many people who either are already on psychiatric medication or speculate that they might have a problem in that area. I thought, this had for to be more than a coincidence, it must be a "sign". And as the manic-depressive motto goes: Don't Ignore the Signs! Here is my story.

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Catalogue Information

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