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A Mother's Guide to Divorce: Practical Tips for Women with Children

by Deborah Cantrell

176 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-0680; ISBN 1-4120-0311-3; US$18.50, C$24.00, EUR15.60, £10.90

This guidebook is indispensable for women facing an unraveling marriage. Cantrell has filled this book with common sense advice: it is a book divorcing mothers cannot afford to be without.

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about the book      about the author      sample excerpt      catalogue info

About the Book In A Mother's Guide to Divorce: Practical Tips for Women With Children, Deborah Cantrell draws upon her own experience and those of other women who have faced the uncertainty, complexity, and emotional turmoil associated with the multi-dimensional aspects of an unraveling marriage and its impact on the family. A Mother's Guide to Divorce answers basic questions associated with divorce preparation. This book is not meant to be used as legal counsel, but is full of practical advice which provides the reader with the information needed to seek and receive adequate legal representation. The vignettes are intimate, intended to help the reader relate to her own circumstances. Statistically, women and children suffer the most economically and psychologically in divorce. Using a blend of wit and wisdom, A Mother's Guide to Divorce covers the divorce issues most women need to consider when facing the dissolution of their marriage, and yet, it goes far beyond the legal consideration to cover children, dating, and other post-divorce realities. Each chapter aids a mother facing divorce in accessing her needs, expectations, concerns, and misconceptions where divorce is concerned.

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About the Author Deborah Cantrell writes and lives in Birmingham, Alabama, with her two teenage sons. Married almost seventeen years and having experienced the distressing journey of divorce, she offers a flashlight for other struggling mothers walking down the same dark, scary path.

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Sample Excerpt

PREFACE

The deep South is a humid, lush environment where mosquitoes breed at the speed of light. It is a place where you will find double standards alive and well. A place where women continue to be genteel, speak softly and drop innuendo with the skill of a glass blower.

The South possesses a culture unique to the area that has to be experienced to be understood. We have our rules of order, rules of proper behavior, and rules of social engagement. Rules that cannot be found in a book but are learned as your roots take hold in the rich soil.

One such rule my parents taught me with a stern hand is you do not air your dirty laundry in public. I cannot remember exactly what I said, but I do remember being about four-years-old. It was an afternoon after a summer storm that left as quickly as it was formed but not before dropping buckets of rain. Steam rose from the asphalt in front of our house. Water raced downhill into the storm drains as warm as bath water, rushing over my bare feet.

I sashayed along the gutter, getting wet in the wading pool; a gift from nature. All the other kids in the neighborhood raced about. The next thing I remember, my mother squeezed my hand and didn't let go. She dragged me into the house. Once inside, she grabbed both my arms and shouted with emphasis, "We do not tell the neighbors our family business!"

What had I said? I couldn't remember then and I can't remember now, but the message was loud and clear. What went on inside our house, what my parents considered family business, was not to be repeated to anyone.

It is with a tad, okay, an ocean of trepidation that I air my dirty laundry within these pages. I've been given permission to air the dirty laundry of two other women, who hope their mistakes will not become yours.

Why would we consider holding our dirty laundry up for all to see? Sisterhood. Our greatest strength lies in the exchange of knowledge.

Women adhere to each other. We create clubs and organizations as a means to swap stories, engage in conversation, and share interests. Time spent together is invaluable, and I daresay, a woman will certainly confide in a trusted friend before she utters a word to her husband or lover.

Consider the stories here as a confidence, an exchange. They are not meant to be construed as legal advice (you must hire an attorney for that). These stories are specifics that happened to a few individuals. Unexpected incidents that, God- willing-and-the-water-don't-rise, you will not encounter with proper planning.

My ex-spouse spewed these works at me recently, "You were sneaky! You planned this divorce!" I didn't remind him he was the one who asked for the divorce and then told me to file. I didn't say a word.

Women plan weddings six months (or more) in advance. We plan for our child's arrival over a nine month period. We arrange travel, conventions, parties, hysterectomies, and more, but not haphazardly.

It is our hope that you will find useful information as well as a better understanding of the multi-dimensional consequences of divorce, for if you are a mother, there are more than two people impacted and in need of healing. There are the children.

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Catalogue Information

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