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From a Virtual Fling to the Real Thing: Diary of an Internet Relationship

by Maria Almudevar-van Santen and Onno van Santen

136 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-0856; ISBN 1-4120-0487-X; US$16.50, C$18.50, EUR13.50, £9.50

This is a true, although slightly fictionalized humourous story narrated partly through the e-mails and partly through thoughts of two people who met via the Internet and made it to the altar.

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about the book      about the authors      sample excerpts or Table of Contents      articles and reviews

catalogue info

About the Book From A Virtual Fling To The Real Thing: Diary Of An Internet Relationship provides a humorous narrative of a developing romance as the reader follows the true story of how the authors met over the Internet. From the tentative musings of Claire as she first spots Sam's photograph on a dating site, overcomes her resistance to Internet dating and finally makes the decision to contact Sam to their actual first meeting two and a half months later after several hundred e-mail exchanges, the book provides an insightful look into the thoughts, feelings and viewpoints of two strangers as they virtually come to know each other. From A Virtual Fling To The Real Thing portrays the situation from both the female and the male perspective allowing a glimpse into both sides of the story, through their e-mails and their own individual reflections. It is a unique, personal and factual look at one couple's successful experience with internet dating. As in a 'face-to-face' romance you follow along with their hopes, their doubts, their anxieties and ultimately their joy. While the book, written in diary format, has been slightly fictionalized, the story is factual. The characters, Claire and Sam represent the authors. Their feelings reflect what the authors felt during their months of e-mail communication. Although some of the emails contained in the book have been slightly edited, they are the original ones the couple sent to each other over the two and a half month period before they met. The book details their emotional journey filled with hope and humor towards one another before their first date and their impressions upon finally meeting in person. The book represents what can happen if people are willing to take a chance and virtually believe in romance. And of course, the ending is real.

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About the Authors The co-authors Maria Almudevar-van Santen, a Canadian national living in Switzerland, and Onno van Santen, a Dutch national living in England, met via an Internet dating site. Given the distance, it was not likely they would have met through 'conventional' means. When asked the question, "How did you meet?", they noted that as soon as the phrase 'via the Internet' was uttered, they had a captive audience. Thus, they decided to put their story to paper using the emails they had written and the thoughts that went with them, during the two and a half months before they met in person. The result is a humourous look at the world of Internet dating from both the male and female perspective. They married in April 2002 and now live in Canada where they are both working on other writing projects for adults and children.

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Sample Excerpts or Table of Contents

Claire - August 10

Well, I did it! I contacted SamMartin. It was spur of the moment spurred on at the moment by Lisa. We were browsing through the site and I showed her his profile. Told her I was not sure about all this. She made the valid point of "If you don't try, you will never know." So under her influence (and I add this in case I need somebody to blame) I filled out my profile, registered on the site and whipped out my credit card to pay for the option of being able to contact others. It took only about ten minutes, but I wonder if it will be a decision I will regret later!!! What am I doing??? Took some small comfort in knowing that the site does not give out email addresses but filters them through their own system so at least lunatics cannot access your address unless you are a lunatic as well and feel comfortable enough to want them to have it. Also did not use my real name on the site. Decided to use my mother's name, Margaret, as a screen name. I am sure she will thank me once she finds out. Anyway, as I had taken the step of registering and paying, it seemed only logical to continue or at least that's how I justified actually sending off an email to SamMartin! Ever notice how much time we spend in our lives justifying things? No wonder we get so many headaches! Too much thinking going on. I suppose in some way it lets us get away with not taking so much responsibility for our actions. Well, if this goes wrong, I am just going to blame it entirely on Lisa especially as she insisted on writing the email for me! Of course, this was after telling me that mine was too stiff and didn't sound quite human. This is what she wrote. If he writes back, maybe I should set him up with Lisa. I can't believe I actually did it!! I must be crazy!

Dear SamMartin

I saw your profile and think you are a very attractive man. If by chance, you check out my profile and you think that I am attractive too!! then I look forward to hearing from you.

My profile states that I am from Oxford. At the moment I live in Geneva, but travel to England as I have friends here and feel much more at home here than in Switzerland! I am actually in Oxford this week until Friday morning and will be back again at the beginning of September.

Hope to hear from you,

Regards,
Claire
(Margaret is my mom, but don't tell her that I am using her name)

Sam - August 16

Today had a look at my emails that have come in since I was on holidays. Interestingly, there was a response on my Match.com profile from 'Margaret'. Clicked on the link to see what the photograph looked like. Looks are not everything, but it is the same with ugliness and beauty as it is with losing and winning. Just like winning and prettiness aren't everything, losing and ugliness aren't either. First reaction was Mmmmm... she looks really nice, but that photo cannot be recent!!! She looks like 30, while the profile says 41. Read through her details...

... Anyway her note was really funny and witty, and I do like intelligence and wittiness in a person. However, got to be honest and tell her that I have met someone else while on holiday, but that I would be happy to meet up with her. Going home after and calling my ex who may after our meeting become girlfriend again, even though the distance is a nuisance. Guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

Claire - August 17

Received a response from SamMartin today. When I saw his email in my in-box, felt a tiny thrill of happy anticipation combined with a cautionary feeling that he might have replied only out of politeness, not interest. Resisted my first impulse which was to open his email with my eyes closed.

Dear Claire,

Having read your profile and seen your picture I must say that you would definitely be my type and would like to meet you.

However I have just met someone, so I cannot meet you other than as a friend. If this is not what you are looking for then that leaves me to wish you well.

Kindest,
Sam

Felt quite pleased with his response even though he said he was not available. At least he was honest about his situation, which is a good sign. Much better than "Oops! Did I really forget to mention my wife and five children during these six months we have been dating??"

For some strange reason, I also felt that his new relationship was not going to last. Whatever, he sounded like a nice person. Decided there was no harm in writing back. Besides, I have already arranged to go back to England for a few days in September so maybe we could meet up.

Hello Sam,

Thank you for your reply. And yes, I think a friendship with you would be very nice.

I wrote to you because I felt that you have an open, honest look and found that appealing. You also seem to be pretty easy-going.

I am in the preliminary planning stages of moving to England. So far the idea is to work part-time while spending some time on writing as well. This will all happen at the beginning of next year. Do I get nervous? Only when I think about it!! I am looking forward to putting my sense of humor to good use. You never know, I might show up at your door with my own helmet and a "take me to the hills!"

Anyway, I am glad that you wrote back. I will be in Oxford from September 6-10. If it would be possible for us to meet up, please let me know.

Claire

Pressed send and decided it was up to the gods!!

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Articles and Reviews

BOOK DRAWS FROM COUPLE'S EMAIL ROMANCE

Valerie Hill for The Record

They're attractive, financially secure and well educated, so why search for true love on the Internet?

I don't think we would have meet otherwise," says Maria Almudevar-van Santen, 44, formly of Geneva, Switzerland. She met the man who is now her husband, Onno van Santen, 38 through www.match.com in the summer of 2001.

After more than two months of e-mail correspondence, a long weekend together in London, England, where he lived, and an engagement during which he came to Canada to meet her family, the couple married in 2002.

They now reside in Waterloo in a new subdivision, their lives brimming with promise, and they're not the least bit shy admitting they met through the Internet. Recently they published a book about their experiences.

From A Virtual Fling to the Real Thing Diary of an Internet Relationship is a romantic tale told through their emails. The book is partially fictionalized, but the meat of the story is true.

When anyone learns how they met, the reaction is "Oh, wow," Onno said. "People are very positive about it because the world is more virtual. Where do they look first when they want anything, the Yellow Pages or Internet?"

"That's why we put it in a book, because people wanted to know," Maria said.

Canadian-born, Maria was working as a researcher at the United Nations in Geneva. The Dutch-born van Santen had worked in London in hotel management for seven years. Both led busy, interesting lives, but just never seemed to meet prospective mates.

Maria met a few men through friends and had dated a number of lemons, such as a guy who burped all evening. "I hadn't met anybody that was a keeper."

Friends suggested the Internet to both of them. While both balked at first, the Net proved to be an efficient way to look through dozens of profiles before making contact.

"It's like a made-to-order man," she said with a laugh. "It's all about time management."

Onno pointed out that you can meet people in a bar, but usually just one at a time. "On the Internet, you can go through 50 profiles in a hour."

She appreciated getting to know him through correspondence without distraction of his physical presence. Each e-mail was read with detailed curiosity about the kind of person he was, his level of honesty and integrity, his interests and philosophies.

"You're not influenced by the physical chemistry of the person standing in front of you," Maria explained. "They don't have to know where you live, don't have to know the telephone number. You have all the safeguards."

Though it's free to scan profiles on Internet dating sites, users pay about $25 a month to join, which gives them access to e-mail addresses.

Maria was a paid-up member for just two months. Joining "takes it to that next level of commitment," she said.

When she first contacted Onno by e-mail, he replied that he'd like to be friends, but that he's already met someone online. She wasn't deterred: "I just knew it wasn't going to last. This man was mine."

She was right. Van Santen soon told her he was free to date. Their first meeting, Nov. 3, 2001, in London, was magical. They connected immediately, Onno said, even though she "vetted me out with friends" during the weekend. Having a friend nearby gave Maria confidence and a second opinion.

At the end of the whirlwind weekend, both felt they were meant to be together. When they returned to their respective homes, the first night alone was interrupted by thoughts of the other.

"I sent out my vibes that she'd have an unstoppable need to call me," he said.

"I woke up, 'I have to call him,'" she recalled. "I called... said 'I love you.'"

At that moment, he asked her to marry him, and on April 12, 2002, in a church in St. Jacobs, the couple wed. They moved to Waterloo, where her mother lives, and where she now works in marketing. Van Santen landed a job as a purchasing manager.

It is a second marriage for her, the first for Onno. The two seem compatible and blissfully happy.

"That's the best 50 bucks I ever spent," she said.

vhill@therecord.com

A Virtual Fling to the Real Thing: Diary of an Internet Relationship costs $18.50 and can be purchased over the Internet at www.trafford.com or email virtualfling@yahoo.com.

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Catalogue Information

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