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Grieving My Soul to Life: A mother's tribute to her son

by Joan Dixon

82 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-1444; ISBN 1-4120-1075-6; US$12.95, C$16.00, EUR11.00, £8.00

As my son died, this poetry poured out of my heart and onto the page like a great river of grief flowing through awakening an ancient force within, my soul.

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about the book      about the author      excerpts      catalogue info

About the Book This book of poetry is from my heart. These words came out of a place so deep within me that it sustained my life when I wanted to die too as I watched my son's life slip away. The story of this dying process comes from my perspective. It's the best I can give you. My son, Thomas, had to endure the pain and suffering of cancer and an amputation that could never heal plus the fear and dread of leaving a wife and young child, which is a sorrow I cannot even imagine for such a tender loving man and devoted father. The story poured out of my heart through my fingertips and onto the page as the great river of grief flowed through me. Allowing it, so I later learned, is what awakened in me the ancient force I was longing to reconnect to, but had forgotten how... my soul. I wrote these poems for myself, it was how I survived the grief of my son's death. Now I want to share my son's story, his love, my love, the love that runs through us and is us. May the thread of connectedness be revealed so that in hearing our story, you may take courage when the time comes and really give yourself permission to be present and truly show up!!! In the end the only thing that really matters is love. Through poetry I have woven a web of connectedness, a bridge into the shared heart of a mother and her dying son. The way is lighted for you, but your experience will be your own. you will learn what there is for you to learn. There are no words to describe some things and poetry is such a beautiful way to give these "no words" expression. The deepest experience is awarded those who can read between the lines. I encourage you to read aloud those passages that bring tears to your eyes or a lump in your throat. You do me honor which I pass on to my son. These words came from a place so deep within that it sustained me when I wanted to die in sympathy as I watched the life force slip away from my son's wasting body. Through grief I encountered my soul ... and re-awakened to my soul journey.

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About the Author Joan is a mother and grandmother who birthed her 4 sons at home with the help of midwives and 27 years later became a midwife for her eldest son's death at home, reclaiming the natural cycle of birth and death. She used the healing form of writing poetry to process the grief and emotions she experienced during her son's illness and death.

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Excerpts

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Poems
My Plan
A Different Plan
Spiritual Warrior
Daddy, gonna Grow a New One?
Sun Dog
Sign Language
Mother Theresa
Talking About Dying
The Brave Warrior has Fallen
Midwives
Asking for Joseph
Last Words
Butterflies
Goddesses of the Night
Miracle at the Kitchen Sink
Thomas's Shrine
Grateful/Banana Cream Pie
In Dreams
Connection
Why Didn't I speak
Watchin' Over You - Song for EJ
I Love You Guys - Thomas's Story

My Plan

I said to myself,
Someday I'll sit onthe swinging bench on your front porch
And watch you walking and running
Up the road with EJ and Jordie by your side,
Healthy and vibrant and full of life!
I'll laugh and relish in the satisfaction
That cancer can be beaten,
That you have healed yourself,
And Miracles abound,
Grateful I've stood by you
And you've allowed it.

A Different Plan

As I sit on the swinging bench on your front porch
I watch an empty road where many cars have come and gone
With friends and family to say goodbye.
I won't be seeing you take that walk
With EJ and Jordie by your side.
Your brothers brought your coffin out this road
And now I sit alone here on purpose
To let it sink in and to appreciate it anyway.
Because the irony is that the Divine Plan
Is the only plan that matters.
And you're walking now with Angels
On a road much higher up.

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Catalogue Information

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