Trafford Publishing: The Hidden Power of Intimacy

Here is the full reference card for this book...

If you'd rather place an order by talking to one of our cheerful order desk clerks, please call 1-888-232-4444 (USA and Canada only) or 250-383-6864. From Europe, ring our UK order desk clerk at local rate number 0845 230 9601 (UK only) or 44 (0)1865 722 113.

The Hidden Power of Intimacy

by Annie Drury and Mark Lambert

130 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-2261; ISBN 1-4120-1883-8; US$22.79, C$28.89, EUR18.79, £12.99

This book challenges you to re-examine your relationships, asking if they fulfill your expectations and allow you to develop your potential, in order to see who you really are.

Read more!

about the book about the authors excerpts and Table of Contents catalogue info

About the Book

The Hidden Power of Intimacy has been written as a direct result of the authors' experiences and they feel it indicates the potential that is available when we choose to explore a loving, nurturing relationship.
There are many routes we can take when reflecting on intimacy and this book uses a holistic approach. What this means for example, is that concepts of man as an energetic being ie looking at the human aura and the human chakric system in relation to who we are, is an important part of understanding ourselves, and therefore others.
Self-help exercises at the end of each chapter focus the exploration of sexual experiences with our partner, and clear psychological frameworks introduce the reader to intimacy in a new way, a way that is connected to our spiritual being. For when we are touched at that deep soul level, we can experience the most profound love.

About the Authors

Annie Drury is a qualified psychotherapist, healer and counsellor, who has been practicing since 1982. Annie is an experienced facilitator with adults, having initiated and run practical courses over the same period in healing, self-awareness & development, assertiveness and stress. This has led Annie to work with universities, colleges, higher education, NHS, the police force, and as a tutor with the College of Healing.
Annie is committed to a holistic approach in healing, health, care and relationships, and feels that the way we communicate with, and treat, each other is the most important way to value ourselves.

Mark Lambert is a qualified healer and musician who has travelled to many countries. Mark began his spiritual development in 1989 and has taken his experience & awareness into care work for individuals displaying learning difficulties & challenging behaviour, colleges, higher education, and the community in his role as the development officer of a multi-cultural project in the West Midlands supporting families going through breakdown.
Mark believes the most powerful healing takes place within oneself, and that music & sound, in particular, can act as positive catalysts in this process.
Annie & Mark have run workshops and development groups for many years in the UK, aimed at healing on all levels - mind, body, spirit and emotions. They give particular emphasis on people living spiritual values in their everyday lives - not at the expense of their 'humaness', but as a way of enhancing it. They feel this book responds to people's questions & needs about relationships, and run workshops and give talks in response to readers' thoughts & feelings about the book. All of us are at a stage in our evolutionary process where we are being asked to integrate the human and the spiritual. We are asked to take responsibility for our own growth & development in a way that values all kingdoms and the planet. Annie and Mark have started two other books, one on distant healing, and a semi-autobiography which follows the journey of two souls through many lifetimes.

Excerpts and Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION
Annie started her self-development in 1981, Mark began in 1989, and this book feels like a child which started to evolve with us in 1993 when we met, and our lives changed irrevocably. There was an immediate soul recognition and a sense of inevitability about our relationship which has been like no other, with some of the most beautiful and profound experiences but also some of the worst and most challenging, when we have evoked each other's shadow. What has held us together during this accelerated spiritual growth has been our commitment to the partnership and our path of service to the planet, but more than anything, the continuous acknowledgement of the deep love and respect we have for each other at a soul level. We have experienced a long apprenticeship that has challenged our egos and led us both into despair at times, but a real understanding and commitment to the fact that we wanted to learn more about ourselves has been a primary key. The paradox is that, in understanding each other, we have claimed our own hidden power and realised the positive effect we have on each other. We have learned that we can only truly know ourselves in relation to someone else and, in real intimacy, the ego barriers are surmounted in order to reveal the true self.
For Annie as an Aquarian, this book is a way to understand, gain insight, create frameworks and facilitate the integration of what happens to people dynamically - as energetic beings - when they meet someone they love. Also it is the realisation of her potential for growth, when unlocking inner strength and reinforcing her soul connection. Annie's relationship with Mark has a very different foundation and motivation when compared with her previous two marriages, which were fundamentally for emotional and material security, and the raising of a family - both part of her karma this time. For Mark, this book has always been borne out of the need to find answers to problems he could not or would not understand and, in short, it says who he is.
We have chosen intimacy as the subject of our first book because we needed to change our perception about sex, and we now know that in attempting to assimilate and integrate many of our spiritual ideas, we have come to realise that the most important factor is the expression of love, whether people have been together for two years or twenty. Opening our hearts is the key to the hidden power of true intimacy and this can only be done effectively when we accept ourselves in the true sense of the word, and recognise that we are spiritual beings experiencing in human bodies, with all our inconsistencies, paradoxes and vulnerabilities.
Sex energy has the potential to deeply affect the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels of our being constructively - but also in a destructive manner. Due to Western conditioning love and sex are much used words that are little understood beyond the emotional and physical, and sometimes the intellectual. We have found that actively feeling the true power of love and sex at a deeper level requires unconditional love, which can appear incongruent to our instinctual nature. This is because we can only be as unconditional as we can be, depending on our emotional maturity and open mindedness. The paradox is, however, that the act of love we aspire to does not have to involve sex but is simply a natural expression of our human nature.
Everyone's path is unique but many of us undergo similar growth stages and therefore have common experiences. In writing this book we have created our understanding of who man really is, and part of our experience has meant sharing this with others. We also feel that the principles we write about apply to man on a global scale, no matter where he is on the spectrum of love and sex. What we would like readers to absorb is that the sex energy, combined with love, can potentially allow us to be who we really are: a spiritual human being, a Divine Spark of God.
A process started to gather momentum in the middle of the twentieth century which escalated in the 1960s and challenged governments throughout the world. Two words were used more frequently as the qualities of the Aquarian Age started to influence the planet and man's consciousness: Peace and Love. This movement from the 'two fishes' to the 'water-bearer' enables us to work more with each other in the community for the greater good, ie selflessly, but not at the expense of ourselves, and without 'rescuing' others we see as 'victims'. We can now come from a position of strength because we understand that all of us choose the situations in which we find ourselves for our soul's growth and, as a group, mankind has chosen its path and it is not one of destruction. Our favourite story to illustrate this involves Shirley MacLaine and her friend who was in the Mayoral race for New York. When Shirley went to a clairvoyant and asked who would win the election (her friend or the other primary contestant) she was informed that it would be neither. The citizens of that great city had collectively chosen, at an unconscious level, to vote for a man who was not even well known because he was the best candidate to bring about change in an environment that was spiralling out of control. The city's collective unconsciousness knew what it needed in order to move forward safely, and in its own time.
Man's evolutionary journey is taking him into the arena of soul consciousness, away from basic survival needs, and this has meant a change in our perception about relationships. The traditional foundation of marriage has not always been based on love, but has been built on procreation, material wealth, shelter, emotional security and accumulation of possessions. This was appropriate for past generations when men and women had specific roles, but is not suitable for the new age of relationships. This refocusing from the physical and emotional consciousness of traditional marriage, to a spiritual consciousness based on soul awareness, and the journey of self-discovery and growth, is where man is moving.
The primary difference between the traditional and the new is that true spiritual relationships seek to empower both partners in choices that are made from the soul and Higher-self, not from the ego. The traditional marriage is made for a lifetime and fulfils human needs, whereas the spiritual relationship acknowledges that, in order for the partnership to succeed, both partners need to trust that their Higher-self will supply them with what they need in order to commit to each other's spiritual well-being. This truth is, however, the biggest issue we will ever have to integrate because it means accepting that we will be kept safe on our spiritual journey, irrespective of what the ego needs to control or satisfy itself. The paradox is that when we seek to empower ourselves on a soul level we will find the happiness, excitement, freedom and peace we have been mistakenly looking for through the ego. The secret, of course, is that we need to use our soul and the higher three chakras, with the heart energy acting as the bridge. This is in contrast to traditional marriage which has a tendency to move away from the heart and focus in the lower three centres.
Probably the hardest part for us throughout this journey, has been 'working blind' therapeutically on all four levels with regard to our own healing. Confirmation of our work came in different ways after we had shifted and moved through the expansion and integration of what we felt was right for us. But there were many times we thought we were literally going mad as we hit deep conflicts within ourselves, our understanding of sex and love, and fundamental belief systems that needed to be resolved. Emotional hurts, physical pain, murderous rage, fear, humiliation and terror were only some of the hurdles we had to overcome. We do not suggest that it is everyone's path to heal their karma or personal imbalances in the way we have. But we have learned something fundamental to every human being which is: the inner child is the most vulnerable, instinctual, talented aspect of us and, paradoxically, the most spiritual. And, we would at this stage like to offer our thanks and appreciation for the love and support we have received throughout this process from teachers, friends, guides, colleagues and students, without whom our journey would have been more difficult and lonely.
Much has been written about the inner child and his/her role but it is a totally different experience when you come to heal and integrate that aspect on all the levels of your being. The natural child is one expression of our inner child that embodies the essence of who we are spiritually. In human terms this is unconditional love, joy, spontaneity and creativity - qualities that are the natural order of the universe. It is just that, for most of us, these qualities have become distorted, suppressed or blocked through conditioning in childhood or coping mechanisms that we develop in childhood and adulthood. Socially acceptable examples of coping mechanisms range from smoking, drinking and sex, to Eastern disciplines such as yogic practices and meditation techniques. If we look at one of the Eastern techniques here, meditation is just one of many that can discipline the mind, in order to control the physical and emotional bodies, and relative centres of the chakric system. In the West, especially, these techniques tend to be an answer for our human and spiritual problems, and lend themselves to be used solely for coping and control, even though that may be a fundamental and necessary part of our growth process. You see, we learned that they are not the ultimate answer because it is likely that we may focus on spiritual and mental development at the expense of our ego and inner child, which both have strong emotional needs. Our basic sensuality is part of the child's experience, so finding out exactly what the human role is of this powerful child, is paramount to expanding our sexual experience. It is then, when this child is understood and loved, and insights gained, that we can truly experience the heights and depths of who we are on all four levels.
There was a time when nothing was more natural and exciting for us than to pick up a book that would stimulate our thinking and ideas, and teach us something new. For about three years, however, we found this to be increasingly difficult. In all the areas we are genuinely interested in we just could not hold on to the information in the books. In relation to love and sex, we attempted to research this subject through Yoga, Tantra and Taoism, for example, but found ourselves unable to fully relate to the disciplines themselves and detail they offer. It was as if our minds were developed sufficiently and we needed to integrate what we already knew through the reading, forcing us to experience and open up on all the other levels. As a result of this, and feedback from clients, we feel that this is the right time to expand our western concepts of intimacy in a way that people can more fully understand, and then experience themselves.
Some things can be analysed but others are to be experienced or they are inherently diminished. Differences between the physical and spiritual are created by the mind, and Eastern philosophies like Taoism understand this. Tantra too, emphasises that man and everything in the universe is fundamentally energy and both provide substantial evidence that allows us to see and feel, and in some cases 'be' the effect of what they teach. Yet they, and other ancient practices that we have adopted in the West, are rooted in other times and other cultures, so it is important that we adapt them to our current development needs. For us this means understanding the true role of man's personality and ego, accepting the inner child, and integrating both. We believe we are at a stage in our evolution when man can integrate his spirituality on a human level, and the 'inner child' is the key to achieving this, through love not fear.
We have attempted to build on and expand frameworks that have been taught for thousands of years, frameworks that demonstrate the inter-changeability of energy systems within ourselves and each other. Yet when we use the term 'framework' we potentially limit ourselves, because the word itself indicates a static structure that we, as humans, are not and sexually never have been. Frameworks will only be frameworks if we do not integrate them at deeper levels. Metaphysically speaking we are 'in terms of energy systems' fluid and because we are all interconnected - 'we' meaning every creature, incarnate and discarnate - we move from one energy state to another. The aura and chakras are the systems that allow us to create this constant state of flux and change, and while we understand that they are well known, we have designed this information to act as a straightforward comprehensive aid that can be used not only in conjunction with love and sex, but the healing arts and esoteric/metaphysical teaching as well. In fact, these two energy patterns (the aura and chakras) are in essence one and the same, but all of us in the complementary or holistic fields have a tendency to take our knowledge of them for granted. Yet, like all well known truths, when they are recounted again from someone else's perspective something new may be catalysed, we may be reminded of something we had consciously forgotten, or a penny may drop for us at a deeper level.
What we note in this book is a contemporary understanding of our place in the world and our interactions with each other. In our journey through these chapters we have taken on what feel like specific roles, because we needed a bridge from the metaphysical, esoteric awareness which is Mark's passion and forte, to the more widely recognised traditional thinking, which came from Annie with her psychological, scientific and psychotherapeutic background. We have included exercises at the end of each chapter for the reader to experience the concepts more fully and integrate the ideas more easily. However, this publication can be used in many ways: by couples, as a teaching aid, as a reference book and, perhaps, at an academic level. But we have consciously geared its whole energy towards the reader understanding that the bridge to happiness is the heart, not just the mind, and how open we allow this centre to be. The simplicity of any teaching will be lost, and the truth diluted, if the love essence is not given space to surround the words of any text. Love is not a head thing, it is a heart thing, and God is to be experienced as well as studied. When the reader does this, the idea of everything being interconnected, the fact that we exist and are experiencing on all planes of reality simultaneously, and we are all One, is acceptable and integrative. We have always been capable of merging the head and heart, 'having heaven on Earth' and finding joy within ourselves. It is just that the time has come for us to do this en masse, and whether the reader agrees is not the issue. It is purely about opening the heart and mind to love, the concepts, your sexuality and sexual power, and allowing yourself to be catalysed into expanding your own ideas and experiences.

Catalogue Information