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Dear Me

by M. S. Campbell

149 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #04-0926; ISBN 1-4120-3099-4; US$18.00, C$22.00, EUR15.00, £10.00

Beautifully written and full of heartfelt emotion - an incredible journey in recovery and survival from abuse and family violence.

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About the Book      From the Author      Excerpts      Catalogue Information

About the Book

Dear Me is the true story of my life. As a little girl, how I endured the poverty and teh family violence that I grew up with, how it effected my entire life, my relationships, my children, my lack of self-esteem. How I finally left my abusive husband and from the black pit of poverty and depression, determined to survive, I learned self realization and self healing.

The road to recovery is a long and hard learning experience. The hardest lesson to learn is that we must stop opening the wounds of childhood, refuse to be a victim and become a survivor.

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From the Author

Part of the profits from the sale of this book will be donated to East Prince Family Violence Prevention Inc., a non-profit organization in Summerside, P.E.I. dedicated to helping women to become survivors by understanding abuse and family violence and gaining back their rights and esteem as women.

The book, Dear Me, is the story of my life. When I grow up, I want to be a writer.

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Excerpts

from the Foreword

It is a terrifying but true fact, family violence has been, and continues to be, one of the worst diseases of our times. It knows no boundaries of culture, color, religion, social status or sex and yes, it is highly contagious. It kills, injures and cripples its victims, sometimes for life.

How does the cycle continue? It is simple. If you are raised with love and nurturing, gentleness and warmth, then you will raise your children with love and nurturing, gentleness and warmth. As you learn, so you are. If you are hurt, filled with fear and hate and self loathing, you will raise your children with hurt, fear, hate and self loathing.

Family violence, or abuse committed against one human by another can be called a "social disease" as it is partially due to our social structure that it continues to spread. It is learned by children from their parents and passed down from generation to generation. Even given the knowledge we have gained, family violence continues to get worse instead of better. What follows in this book is a true story. Or, I should say it is my story. I have tried to recount a lifetime of memories, emotions and reactions to my childhood.

The truths, feelings and emotions written here are my own and the way that I reacted to my childhood is not necessarily the way that others would react. My life experience is mine alone and I am a unique human being. The way I have healed is also unique as is the story of each and every Survivor. I find that Survivors have a great deal in common. The most important being the ability to work through and get beyond the pain. We must gain the ability to trust ourselves, to feel fear and to learn that when we feel afraid and vulnerable, it doesn't necessarily mean that we will be hurt, unloved, abandoned or rejected, but that we have become part of the real world. We all experience fear from time to time and it is how we react to it that counts.

The Survivor learns that before she can love anyone, she must love herself, she must learn how to treat herself with dignity and respect. She must forgive those who have hurt her and forgive herself for being a part of that hurt. The Victim feels that her life is out of control. She feels full of hate for her abuser and she carries that hate around like a cross she must bear. In time these feelings of hate build up until she feels more and more powerless in her life. Then, she either finds a person to replace her abuser and becomes a victim, or in order to to recover that power, she herself abuses others. The violence continues on with each generation.

Depression is another story. Most victims of abuse suffer from depression. The hard part is recognizing depression for the condition that it is, very common and successfully treatable. Depression has plagued me most of my life. I grew up an emotional cripple and the main obstacle in overcoming was of course myself. When I was most depressed, I didn't want help. I didn't want to admit that I was depressed, admitting it would bring shame on me.

I didn't want to feel ashamed, I just wanted to hide away in my own little world and feel sorry for myself. That is the nature of the beast, I would rather stay ill than become healthy because although I didn't want to die, I felt that I didn't deserve to enjoy and experience life. Medication could have helped me through so many horrible years, but I was either too far into the illness or too ashamed to ask for help. There is still a stigma - "she's O.K., she's just depressed" "snap out of it, get over it", or "it's all in her head". Depression can kill. It can get so bad that the person cannot see any hope in life she ends it as she feels that living is not worth the pain. Although at times you may think that you are, you are not alone, there are millions of us. Again, if you need help, ask for it.

The secrets cannot be kept, the truth must be told. As long as the stigma remains, violence will win and abusers will hurt their victims mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically, again and again. In this book I am baring my soul to the entire world, if you are reaching out for help, you only need to tell one trusting person, your priest, minister, doctor, teacher, someone, anyone who can help you. I only hope that within the pages of this book, you gain an understanding of what it is like to grow up in an abusive family and find solace and peace in knowing that recovery is not out of reach. If you are suffering, only you can stop the pain. If as a victim you find no peace, you will die full of hate and regret. Abusers will leave those you love behind without closure and still hating you. Victim or survivor its all up to you.

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Catalogue Information