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Get It Off My Chest: Overcoming a Difficult Journey Through Breast Cancer

by Barbara Kavanagh

118 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #04-2328; ISBN 1-4120-4520-7; US$13.90, C$15.98, EUR11.41, £7.99

This book describes how I overcame the experience every woman dreads: how having been told I had breast cancer I made the decision to have a mastectomy - and its consequences!

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About the Book

About the Author

Excerpts

Catalogue Information

About the Book

This is Barbara's true-life experience of breast cancer. How on one Sunday morning in the middle of May 2002, just before her 56th Birthday, on self-examination, Barbara found 'The Lump'.

'The Lump', which is something every woman dreads, drastically changed the months ahead. In fact, once having suffered breast cancer, life is never quite the same again.

On her first visit to the breast clinic the thoughts furthest from Barbara's mind is that she was soon to encounter a mastectomy, and believe it or not, of her own choosing. In a very short period of time from finding 'The First Lump', there was soon to be found a second. Not long after, there is a third, and this time in her right breast. Surely this could not be happening -- Barbara could not believe that it was happening to her. This was something one read about, something one heard about, but never thought it would happen to them.

Although Barbara had her husband to help her through this terrible ordeal, she also found it of immense help to Get it off her Chest by diarising her experience. In this book Barbara describes not only her intimate private thoughts and personal feelings, but also the chronological sequence of events including the struggle with the bureaucracy of the Health Service, her emotions and fears and those who are closest to her. Finally, Barbara gives us a glimpse of her new life in France and the possibility of another book.

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About the Author

Barbara Kavanagh is 58 years old and has had an extremely varied life. Having spent the first seven years of her life living on a farm in England she has always enjoyed the outdoor life. Married at the age of 17 she then emigrated to South Africa at the age of 23. After the breakdown of her first marriage, Barbara then concentrated on her career and helped to establish a mining supply company, which she was involved with for 10 years before selling out and returning to England in 1989.

During most of the following decade Barbara was seeking the same fulfillment that she had encountered in South Africa. Alas, this was not meant to be and she encountered the usual ups and downs in life.

Forever adventurous and seeking new challenges in 1997 Barbara joined a dating agency. She was introduced to Ray whom she married in 1999. Content at last, buying and setting up a new home, getting to know their respective new families and helping Ray with his Consultancy business. Life - again- was just great.

Then 'The Lump' and the Birth of this book.

During the experience of her cancer, Barbara and also Ray realized their own mortality and decided to retire early and enjoy life while they have it.

Now their life revolves around a 100-year-old converted farmhouse in Northern France and for Barbara, it's back to enjoying the outdoor life.

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Excerpts

Page 4

Must have been around the time of my 56th birthday, there it was, the thing that every woman fears, THE LUMP, about the size of a small pea. It was a Sunday morning and I remember walking into the lounge as soon as I felt it and saying to my husband, Ray feel my right breast, I have a small lump there. He felt it too. I am not one prone to panic, so at this stage one just tries to shrug it off as a nothing lump that in its own good time will just go away. But even so, I am also not one to do nothing, I have always been inquisitive and I want to know what is going on in my body.

Page 6

We are shown to my cubicle where I have to get undressed and on with the operating attire. The assistant surgeon came into the cubicle and put black felt pen marks all over my shoulder and marks the spot on my left breast for the operation. When he left I looked down to see the mark he has made, only to discover that he has marked the second lump and not the first. Ray look, feel, quick, they have to take them both out; I am in a state of bewilderment. Ray calls him back and explains about the additional lump and that we want to see Mr Oliver before the operation, as we want them to remove both lumps. Mr Oliver came into the cubicle and thought it almost impossible that there should be another lump. He eventually found the second lump and agreed to remove them both.

Page 7

It is now 7 weeks since this all started, and we were now well and truly a number of the NHS and had entered onto their infamous 'Agonising Waiting System'. We are soon to be confronted with not just the medical condition and concern but also the mental torture of the administration, communication and the time it takes for the two to come together, that is, if they ever do!

Page 8

WHAT ME, CANCER! My mind is racing, my mind is not focused, he is not talking to me, I almost want to turn around to see the person in the corner whom he is talking to, he is definitely not talking to me, this is not happening. But it is happening, every woman's worst nightmare come true. Ray leans across and holds my hand. Mr Oliver is looking at me. What are you thinking he asks, he asks me a couple of times and I am just sitting there. Do you really want me to tell you what I am thinking, do you really want to know. Yes he said, to which I could only reply with what was so prevalent on my mind - 'Oh Shit'

Page 13

Met my brother, Brian, and his wife Jackie and also friends Colin and Lorinder up in London. Went to a show and then had dinner together, they still do not know that I have Cancer. The outcome was the same as when we took my great niece and nephew to France, not a word was spoken of my Cancer. I was going to write that we had a lovely time, well the show was good and the food and of course the company was great, but there it was sitting at the back of my mind. It is now like a nagging toothache, it just will not go away. This whole experience is now the total being of my existence.

Page 18

We love to people watch but this time I was viewing people differently, they all looked so happy. Well, to the outside world so did we. Everyone looked so healthy. To the outside world - so did we. They all looked like they did not have a worry in the world - so did we. I was then thinking how many of those people who looked so happy, were in fact not. How many of them who looked so healthy, were in fact ill and, how many were burdened with many worries and pressures in life. The phrase 'The world is but a stage and we are all actors' comes to mind.

Page 25

I am now starting to be aware of my new boob, what there is of it, but at least I have one. As I study my frame in the mirror I can see that there is a long way to go before it is anywhere near the same size as my right one. There are to be many visits to the hospital to have the saline injections to inflate my breast, but I must view it all as a formality and am just so grateful that we have come this far.

Page 29

Although I wanted to get this out of the way as quickly as possible I felt I just could not walk in and tell them so we chat about general things for a while. The subject of hospitals comes up; this seems like an appropriate moment, if there ever is one! They are so shocked and they start to cry. Auntie Val puts her arms around me and again it is I consoling them. I know they mean well but I am not ill, I have not felt sick, I just had this thing called Cancer, I am not going to snuff it. Amazing isn't it, but mention that word and it is like the end of the world, well not mine.

Page 37

After the jubilation and progress from the 12th September onwards, I am beginning to feel that I was only let out on parole, to be captured again, awaiting the next sitting of the parole board. It's all on hold again, maybe I have been living in cloud cookoo land, being that the Cancer had spread so quickly in my breast, maybe there might be some of it still lurking, why should Dr Morris be concerned about a 3rd tissue being examined at the initial biopsy at All Saints, after all they did cut away all the Cancer, didn't they???

Page 40

I cannot get my head around WHY it is taking so long for the relevant information to be at hand. Surely when I transferred to St Luke's everything should have been sent to them!!!! This is really getting to me. I know I have said previously that nothing matters anymore, that just having life itself is wonderful and I truly do still feel that I have been given my life back, but if this delay keeps on....................

It is now 5 months since I found the first lump, it is almost 3 months since diagnosis and almost 2 months since the mastectomy and even now all the info is not there in my file. What the hell is going on!!!!! If I do need radiotherapy, even now, once I have to go on the waiting list (3 months I believe for radiotherapy) we are looking at January 2003 before the radiotherapy even starts. This is just not good enough.

Page 44

I am feeling so proud of myself that I have given up smoking, but then in today's paper there appeared an article, which made me wonder why I bothered. There it is staring me in the face - headline 'One glass of wine a day 'raises breast Cancer risk by 6%'. I immediately said that it would only increase my chances by 3% as I have only got one.

Page 44/45

When I go back to St Luke's Hospital in January maybe we will have some indication of when my next reconstruction operation will be. I will not mind that operation at all, as there will be no stress attached to that one, I view it as a formality to get me on an even keel again - so to speak!! Although it will take away some of the fun we are having at the moment, as if there are not enough choices in this world I have now given Ray four more. What do you fancy tonight, The Bigger Boob, The Smaller One, The One with the Nipple or the One without! The ability to joke and laugh is all important in coping with what could be a very depressing situation.

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Catalogue Information

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