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Humorous Letters to Family, Friends, and Colleagues

by Michael Joseph Burdo

122 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #05-0925; ISBN 1-4120-6024-9; US$17.50, C$19.95, EUR14.00, £10.00

A hilarious compilation of 'off the wall' letters to friends, colleagues, and family members. Filled with sharp wit, puns, and humorous anecdotes depicting the lighter side of life's challenges.

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About the Book      About the Author      Excerpts      Catalogue Information

About the Book

About the Book

Too often in life, we are confronted with hardships and challenges that can either bring us down or muster up our inner strength to confront the difficulties and challenges head on. An extremely valuable resource in dealing with the ups and downs of life is humor. We often hear the saying that life is too short and that we must live it to the fullest as if each day could be our last one. I find nothing more rewarding and beneficial for bringing folks together than the use of humor in a non hurtful way. Our world is indeed filled with an over-abundance of stressors that at times may overwhelm us. Humor can most certainly be the most valuable tool and ally in combating times of possible woe and upheaval.

This book is filled with delightful humor encompassing large doses of wit and puns meant to bring you brief moments of pleasure in the realm of 'letting go'. In no way is the materials in the text meant to be hurtful towards andy individual regardless of ethnicity, creed, health status, sexual orientation, career choice, economic status, etc. The text is dedicated towards lightening the burdens that we confront on a day to day basis. As well, it makes satire of specific life events and occurrences that we often encounter both personally and amongst our friends, colleagues, and other family members.

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About the Author

The author is a part-time youth and family counselor in private practice. In addition, he dedicates numerous volunteer hours to working with youth in the community. A former crisis intervention worker and manager in a business corporation for several years, sees this writer bringing a wealth of life experiences to his repertoire of off the wall humor.

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Excerpts

To strive to remain steadfast in my personal contribution to the conservation of the earth's natural resources, I now only flush my toilet once a week. This did present other serious problems but I came up with a very effective solution. I don't like to boast or toot my own horn, but I didn't go to university for nothing! I just use other people's toilets as much as possible or I go to public washrooms.

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When it gets hot outdoors my apartment becomes an oven. It was so bad, what with the flies that seem to be unusually preoccupied with lingering in my suite and the sweltering temperatures, I was forced to go out and purchase a second-hand air conditioner at the Salvation Army. It worked fine until one afternoon when I went to turn it on, and it went torpedoing off the window ledge, crashing three floors down smack onto the next door neighbour's dog, instantly crushing it to death. I was really shaken when I realized I was now without a conditioner.

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Oh by the way, I finally found a new family doctor. When I went for my check up, he was extremely patient when he explained euthanasia to me and asked that I carefully consider this option. I honestly thought that this procedure was only for animals. How dumb I can get sometimes!

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I can just picture you with your daunting side arms, your hand grenades strapped to your thick leather belt, your machete in hand, and your one foot long buck knife being bit down upon by the tight grip of your powerful jaws! Surely you must be feeling invincible and ready for any vicious deer that may spring upon you!

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I have always expected nothing but the highest standard of service not only out of "my" bank but also out of the staff personnel who are employed to carry out this goal. It would indeed now appear that my requirements have fallen upon hard times. One can only draw upon the simplistic conclusion that this branch of once fiscal responsibility has gone "CAPUT!"

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Ms. Fraulein Helga Meuiller is of German and European descent and has been in Canada for three years. Fraulein Meuiller tends to accept no crap from her incorrigible and nasty little creatures, as she likes to affectionately refer to them. A stern and rather rigid individual with a foreboding demeanor, she enjoys gently shouting her directives out at the children in her care with an overwhelming and commanding voice.

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Immediately, upon arrival at your assigned posting, the Canadian Military Forces with sponsorship made possible by the generosity of your proud Federal Government, will conduct massive air drops to our valiant soldiers on the front lines. Fine, Northern Eskimo hand crafted art sculptures will be air dropped to you. Each soldier will be assigned three solid hand crafted sculpture pieces to use as weaponry to engage the enemy in battle with.

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I relish our exploits in the boudoir like little, dear children relish their sweetest candy. You are the glue that keeps me hinged, the crack in my pipe, the gravy on my poutine. May our gentle and beautiful moments in splendid bliss always continue to "keep on ticking despite taking a licking". Your very presence gives me that "Je ne sais quoi". I often do wonder just what the hell that is!

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I go to the doctor more frequently to arrange appointments to have some four yards of tubing placed up my behind in order to guarantee that I will not experience undue discomfort later on in my life. What the hell, why put off pain when you can schedule it for a more earlier and convenient time!

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Catalogue Information

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