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The Peaceful Warrior: Memoirs of a Damaged Mind and Soul

by Patrick J. Schnerch; Edited by Dr. Marc D. Baldwin Ph.D.

210 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); includes poetry.; catalogue #06-1263; ISBN 1-4120-9508-5; US$17.39, C$20.00, EUR14.29, £10.00

The book is a journey from early childhood to the far reaches of disassociation and insanity compounded with alcoholism.

About the Book

The book is a journey from early childhood to the far reaches of disassociation and insanity compounded with alcoholism. It describes the spawning of a very disturbed individual and discovers the onset of the damaging characteristics, which has followed the author till this present day.

This publication unveils the deepest and darkest secrets in order to accept and put to rest a traumatic life engulfed by negativity. It details every aspect, which caused irreparable damage to an otherwise, mild and loving demeanour. The book goes into great detail of what life is like with mental illness and addiction. Dual Diagnosis is the given names for such conditions. In this case, alcohol was used to numb the affects of the illness.

The illness became unbearable to cope with. Medications and therapy do not have the desired affects to calm a crisis, where alcohol is fast acting and gives almost instant temporary relief. This is why it is so addicting. The author was desperate to relieve himself from his painful and torturous life. Unable to face reality, the author hid in the delusional world of disassociation blocking out your realm.

He would hide in this secret world for decades away from the pains of reality. Secluded and alone, he would slip further into the abyss. The alcohol was used to induce this imaginary sanctuary into a new reality. Oblivious to reality, the author entered a place free from rules, regulations and morals. The most despicable swirling thoughts were compounding which was in fact changing his behaviour and character.

Normally a mild and loving demeanour, the author's character would develop into situations, which caused a threat to him and the public. The author slipped into a psychosis and his world turned to black. His character turned evil and demented with no hope of escape. Desperate of staying in control, he used self-mutilation and alcohol to calm the beast. Bloody and intoxicated, he would wander the streets in the early morning hours searching for answers.

About the Author

Something terrible happened to that little boy. At an early age, something damaged his heart and soul, sending him into the folds of darkness. There, Patrick Schnerch would hide from the emotional turmoil, which jeopardized his sanity. This delusional place was his sanctuary away from reality. Trauma, up bringing, illness, and eventually alcoholism claimed yet another damaged soul. Decades would pass being oblivious to the real world. Trapped within the darkness, he would seek refuge from anything that could harm him.

Memories were blocked out from his past since he did not participate to the realities of your world. Only fragments of his tragic past could be recollected. The author was haunted by uncovered secrets, which were the basis of his demise. Suicidal and with no place to turn, he was at the crossroads of disaster.

Not quite being ready to cash in all his chips yet, Patrick had one more plan to execute to set him free. Dumbfounded at where to start looking for answers, he decided to unearth the details of his life starting at the very beginning and dissect every known memory in order to piece together an overall picture of his past.

He started documenting those painful memories in order to discover the cause of his turmoil on earth. Slowly, pieces were falling together creating a picture that was making sense, discoveries unknown to the author were being made clear. Finally, after much soul searching, he found the missing key. He relived his horrors and found what he was looking for. He found his inner peace and was able to accept his past and put those torturous years behind him.

He now stands tall; free from the darkness that has engulfed him for the past forty years. There is hope and a future waiting him in this world of reality. There are now goals and ambitions for a new life; the author has now made peace with himself and God. It is time to move on.

Excerpts

Review

The Peaceful Warrior: Memoirs of a Damaged Mind and Soul is not a conventional book. Neither is the author. Patrick J. Schnerch is an advocate of the mentally ill in his native Canada and the author of the crime novel, Adrian. He is also living with bipolar disorder and alcoholism. In his memoir, Schnerch opens the door to his life and beacons the reader to view his struggle in the raw. It is the opportunity to see mental illness from the inside that most people, outside of mental health workers, are not privy to. It is also an act of courage.

"Alone, I would weep for death to come and take me. For over thirty years, death was very much welcome in my heart. Even today, the wish has not gone away." This book begins with the author recounting the events of his early life that lead to the manifestation of mental illness and the development of his dance with alcohol. After spending the first twelve years of his life living with the people he believed to be his parents, Schnerch is introduced to his biological father and mother. While his birth mother is not able to care for him as she suffers from mental illness herself, the author's biological father regains custody from the aunt and uncle who raised Schnerch from six months old and brings him to live with him after marrying. It is during this traumatic transition that the first signs of mental illness appear. Schnerch becomes isolated in a home where very little affection is shown and he begins a lifelong habit of self-mutilation in the form of cutting. From there he describes lengthy hospitalizations, foster care, a brief military stint, marriage, and submission to his illness.

The author's journey follows the same path as many who struggle with dual diagnosis: Symptoms emerge and a variety of diagnoses and hospitalizations with medication mixed in follow; then self-medication with alcohol and/or some illicit drug ensues. As the book continues, the easily followed recollection of life events is abandoned for journal writings that have been produced during psychotic or drunken episodes. In these passages, the author reveals delusions of grandeur and religious fixations. He also discusses the toll his illness and alcoholism has taken on his twenty-three year marriage. In Schnerch's disclosure, the denial that seems to go hand in hand with substance dependency is also apparent. Even though the author appears quite knowledgeable about his illness and the events that trigger his symptoms, he struggles with accepting the impact of alcohol in the cycle of wellness and decompensation.

The Peaceful Warrior: Memoirs of a Damaged Mind and Soul is not an easy read, particularly the passages that allow entry into the confusion and delusions associated with the author's bipolar disorder. While the audience for this book may not be the average recreational reader, for those who work with and provide daily care of the mentally ill and substance dependant, this book provides some insight into what the dually diagnosed are dealing with and why becoming well is a battle that must be fought on-going.

Melissa Levine
for Independent Professional Book Reviewers
www.bookreviewers.org

This is not an easy read. Mental illness and addiction are the cynosure of this memoir of a survivor. The title is entirely opposite. This is indeed a battle and the hero a warrior.

Although his early years are happy and fulfilled on the farm, something haunts his memory; something that will drive him closer and closer to the brink of insanity and push him towards the forgetfulness of alcohol. As a young lad, his mother provides all the love and religious morals that a boy could hope for. His father is a hard working farmer that included Patrick in his life. So what happened to turn this happy little boy into a withdrawn, angry young man, who is often bullied? Even a stint in the armed forces, his childhood dream cannot ease his troubled mind. His wife is deeply affected by his mood swings and disappearances and yet she does not leave him. Perhaps she is the peaceful warrior.

Author, Patrick Schnerch shares his troubled life with readers. His unbalanced perceptions of reality enfold the reader into his world with disquieting ease. As a writer, he portrays the difficulties of living life as an alcoholic very graphically. Some of the writings included in the book from times when he was closest to the edge of sanity are very revealing.

The book is part therapy for the author and part documentation of living with a troubled mind. It will enlighten readers but may be disturbing to some. As stated, the book is not an easy read. Anyone searching for information and enlightenment on mental illness, bipolar disease or alcoholism will find this an excellent and insightful book.

AllBooks Review
By Shirley Roe

Schnerch has reached the point of being comfortable talking about his lifelong mental illness and addiction resulting from his attempts to self-medicate with alcohol.

He goes back to his childhood, being bounced from father to uncle, and through the years of denial.

The mind of a bi-polar alcoholic isn't a fun place to visit, but it's instructive for those who are looking at a similar circumstance in their own family or social circle, which was the author's reason for sharing his story. He hopes his own success in seeking and finding peace of mind and freedom from his demons will give others hope for success and encouragement in working toward it.

Schnerch gives credit on the book cover to his editor, Marc D. Baldwin PhD.

Liz Pogue
Times Colonist
Sunday, January 14, 2007

Patrick J. Schnerch's personal memoir is a candid, disconcerting, yet compelling account of his decent into mental illness and alcoholism. Told with brutal honesty and no excuses, this important piece of literature impacts the reader and educates at the same time. Diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, Schnerch shares what his life was like-from early childhood to adulthood, from teenage angst to married life, from alcoholic to recovering alcoholic. This man is on a mission.

Having seen the effects of alcoholism and mental illness in my own family, I found the memoir particularly enlightening. The book explores the inner mind-world of a man trapped by fear of what he may do, what he could do, and how he fought those demons continually. Reading The Peaceful Warrior was in some ways mentally exhausting. What I found particularly interesting were the passages written while Schnerch was experiencing extreme psychosis. Blunt, forceful and revealing, these passages show a fractured mind.

Now a recovering alcoholic, Schnerch is dedicated to sharing his inner demons and bringing about change in the world, especially where mental illness, depression, alcoholism, and poor societal conditions are concerned. He has "walked the walk" and is now exposing his deeply personal experiences in hopes that others may find a healthy, clean path to living a peaceful life. There is a lot of truth in his observations about society, about the homeless, the addicts, and the organizations struggling to help them.

The Peaceful Warrior; Memoirs of a Damaged Mind and Soul is an emotional reminder that some behaviors are physical or mental, and need compassion and understanding, not judgment. I highly recommend it.

Four out of five stars.

Jack Anthony is a freelance writer, film and book critic.

The Peaceful Warrior: Memoirs of a Damaged Mind and Soul

Alcoholism and Bi-Polar Disorder: A New Book Gives Personal Look at These Diseases.

Many people don't know, but I received my Ph.D. in psychology a little while ago. Involved in the field, I've often been discouraged as to the standard approaches of academic and mainstream psychology - especially their treatment of so-called mental disorders. These days it is all about behavior, pills, and talk. Why am I discouraged as to this approach to mental illnesses? The new book by, and about, Patrick J. Schnerch explains why from a perspective I could never grasp.

Here is a book that tells all. It is a conglomeration of thoughts, episodes, truths, and mind games. Written by the author - both in the past and present tense as he recounts his life - the book explores the inner mind of someone who had bi-polar disorder and alcoholism.

Spanning the early memories, through the authors military career, and up to the present day, The Peaceful Warrior demonstrates exactly what is wrong with contemporary approaches to mental illness. For example, while in the military Patrick knew something was wrong: "I told my superiors that I was going to lose my mind, and they dismissed it as a joke." Did I not just hear on the radio how the military is failing it's returning soldiers from Iraq? Sounds like Patrick went through the same thing...

Later, back at "home" the author struggles with different medications and conflicting diagnosis. Revealed in detail, these differing "voices" take a narrative form throughout the book. Rarely has anyone been given this level of intimacy into the mind of a mentally ill person. What is even more interesting about this book is that the author knows this, and switches back and forth between his narrative "voices."

"Perhaps the sane person is able, in some way, to let go of the thoughts that enter their mind...." Compounding this is the fact that the author, during his most troubled times, resorted to alcohol for numbing comfort. "The drinking is the only happiness I know that works."

This book is not your standard read - the level of detail, intimacy, and sheer mentality of it make it a select read. However, the select that will want to read this book - or at least have it to reference - is large. I don't recommend reading it as a novel. Rather, put this book somewhere random, grab it on occasion when troubled or needing insight into a situation, and after a few pages life will clear up. What the author of The Peaceful Warrior has been through is more than I can fathom - I won't give away the ending, but things are on the up-and-up. However, there this book is a portal into the mind of another person. It is this portal that gives the book promise; anyone who has personally dealt with alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, or any other mental illness will move one step closer to understanding the situation they are in.