If you'd rather place an order by talking to one of our cheerful order desk clerks, please call 1-888-232-4444 (USA and Canada only) or 250-383-6864. From Europe, ring our UK order desk clerk at local rate number 0845 230 9601 (UK only) or 44 (0)1865 722 113.

A Passion for Our Grandchildren: Our Families Need Us ... Now

by Janet Mort

298 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #99-0032; ISBN 1-55212-281-6; US$23.00, C$29.95, EUR19.50, £13.50

Poignant stories, revealing interviews, 50 lessons learned, hundreds of fun-filled family activities, educational advice. All designed to build bonds and make meaningful connections between grandparents and grandchildren, whether near or far.

Read more!

book cover      about the author      intro      book framework      table of contents      lesson 20      catalogue info

About the Author

Janet Swain Mort is an award-winning innovator, former primary teacher, principal and Superintendent of Schools. Along with her husband, Michael, she is a grandparent of three. She wrote this book as North America confronted the reality that our kids are in crisis. Janet decided to make her contribution to them through this book which is based on the theory that to save our children we need to ensure that all kids have significant connnected adults in their lives. She proposes that grandparents of the new millenium could take on this challenge and should be a prominent part of the support network for their grandkids... and she tells us the lessons she's learned along the way using sound educational theory as the basis. The Mort family welcomes you into their hearts.

Introduction: The Evolution of My Passion

The writing of this book has been an evolutionary process for me. There are three reasons why it has been particularly important to me and my family.

...Three Reasons Why...

1) I discovered my passion in my new role of grandmother.

Becoming a grandmother was an exciting event. Rory was our first as he and his mom married into our family. Becoming a grandma overnight was a unique experience. Starting from scratch with a four-year-old grandson has its own challenges and rewards. One of my greatest satisfactions in our relationship comes from the fact that we were able to, step by step, construct a trusting connection by earning it each step of the way and now, eight years later, our bond is strong.

Becoming a "birth" grandmother was another and different thrill. I anticipated the event with confidence. My career in education was a choice to dedicate the majority of my adult life to the service of children with a specialty in educational innovation - making a difference for kids and their well-being. It seemed like a natural transition, adjusting my focus only a bit, to welcome grandkids into our lives and family.

I was unprepared for the passion I felt as I held newborn Natasha and, with only God as my witness, I promised to protect her forever, to teach her everything I knew about life, to make the way easier for her. That moment has defined and guided our relationship and that of our other two grandchildren, Rory and Trevor.

Early in my grandparenting, I found myself searching for the answers to a number of questions:

• Is grandparenting the same in 1991 as it was in 1961?
  
• What is our purpose?
  
• What is the difference between the parent's role, the teacher's role, the grandparent's role, and that of the great-grandparent?
  
• What difference could the new technologies make in long-distance relationships?
  
• How could the skills and knowledge I'd gained in my educational career be applied to my role as grandparent?
  
• How would I be different with my grandkids than I was with their parents?

As I struggled with the answers to these questions, and acknowledged that indeed I was struggling, I recognized that others would be too, since my age puts me on the leading edge of many of the baby boomers. We are becoming grandparents in our fifties, retiring with time to spare and a passion for our grandchildren. This book began to evolve from my own experiences with our three terrific grandkids.

...Three Reasons Why...

2) I needed to find my own new reality.

The second stage of the book's evolution was a frustrating one for me - after thirty years of a dynamic career in educational administration, I was diagnosed with scleroderma, a degenerative and sometimes life-threatening disease. This led me to my greatest struggle of all - new questions:

• Who am I and what is my purpose now?
  
• How long will I have, will I see my grandkids marry?
  
• What is there left for me to do and how can I still contribute to the world of children?
  
• How will I balance my need to find new meaning in my life but no longer able to do what had become a pivotal part of my adult life, education?

The answer began to grow around the words "children," "teacher," "grandmom," "love," "depth," "purpose," "writing," "rest," "independence," "health," and "contribution" - and then it started to take shape - a book for, and about, grandkids and grandparents.

In a practical way, it fit within my health issue; it was still about the work I love with the focus on children; the rest I need to keep my life and health manageable; and the sense of purpose which has always pro-actively challenged me to make a difference for kids.
In May 1998, I decided to write this book.

...Three Reasons Why...

3) The passion became a mission...

Only the first chapter was completed when the horror of the Columbine shootings and subsequent nightmare unfolded. A horror-stricken world asked why? What's gone wrong? What is our youth missing? How can we make a difference now? Almost all media coverage focused on parenting and the family and what parents could do differently. A few samples of quotes from international newspapers:

• "...if they had grown up with love and respect..."
  
• "...if there had been adults, even just one who reached out and held on through the turmoil of adolescence..."
  
• "...so hug your kid...and look to your own life for solutions..."
  
• "...there is something wrong when parents are so out of touch they don't know bombs are being built in their own houses..."
  
• "...there are four gifts a village gives its children: kinship, mentorship, friendship and worship..."
  
• "...we can respond by 1) giving our children a more intimate form of kinship...; 2) redesigning time so our children do not raise themselves; and 3) recapture the art of loving companionship - to walk and talk with them, sit around the campfire sharing our stories. Let them hear stories of family heroes..."
  
• "...youth needs the wisdom and compassion of elders to mentor them and listen..."

I agonized, as did the world. I thought of Rory and Natasha and Trevor. It reminded me of the promise I had made - to protect them, to guide them, to always be there for them - and my resolve was strengthened.

Then came the frustration again, because if I were still a school principal or Superintendent or teacher, I knew what we would do to support not only my kids but all those in my care.

And then it came to me...even if I couldn't contribute in person, I could in spirit - and it was then that this book entered its third stage of evolution. Based on my educational training, experiences in leadership positions, my connections to classrooms and kids, I could promote the discussion about, and possibility of grandparents as key players in the solution.

Experts have proposed the notion of attachment theory, that every child needs a connected bonded adult. We elaborate on this notion throughout the book. Some experts go so far as to say that in order to feel secure, safe and connected, each child needs tight bonds with between four and six significant adults.

In our research, we discovered that some kids today have as many as seven living grandparents and most have four or five, due to the frequency of blended families in today's culture.

This book proposes that if all grandparents would make a commitment to develop tight bonds with their grandchildren, whether near or far, we would be one giant step closer to saving our kids - and that's what this book is about - building that bond and being there for our families - with a clear vision and a passion, in new and old ways, in innovative and tried and true ways...

We invite you to join us with...

Sincerely,

Janet N. Mort

Lessons: The book has fifty numbered lessons which are either generated by a story or interview or by my family's experiences. These are not intended to be imposed on the reader rather thoughts to reflect and/or act on. We won't be offended if you disagree with some of them. They are intended to generate discussion.

Stories and interviews: Every lesson connects to or emerges from the lesson. Approximately fifty adults were interviewed as a part of the research for the book. Most of the stories and interviews appearing in the book are excerpts of longer pieces. Most of the adults interviewed were grandparents already. If they were not, they were asked to reflect on their experience with their own grandparents.

The students were in either grade six or seven at Lakehill and Strawberry Vale elementary schools in the Greater Victoria School District. Their contributions were a result of class discussions with the author, their own interviews with their parents about their grandparents or their personal writing. We felt it was important to respect the style of the storyteller so minimal edits were made. Special thanks to all contributors and regrets to those whose stories were not used only because of space limitations.

Janet's Postscript: The author's postscript is a reflection on the story or interview based on the author's knowledge of the person, subject or her own personal experience. It provides a link between the story or interview and the suggested "Try This" activities.

Try This activities: Every lesson has between three and five "Try This" activities which are tried and true experiences for grandparents and grandchildren. These activities were chosen for the purpose of generating the experience described in the story or interview, so that the experiences can be recreated and personalized by the reader. They are only 'starter' suggestions. We anticipate that through these initial experiences, the reader will discover spin-offs that take them down their own experiential paths. There are over 200 suggestions for:

• being and doing together (Chapter One);
  
• exploring and creating treasures and traditions (Chapter Two);
  
• nurturing self-esteem (Chapter Three);
  
• loving unconditionally (Chapter Four); and
  
• teaching and monitoring the development of new skills (Chapter Five).

These five chapters overlap in nature. It is intended that after a scan of the lessons and related parts, the reader will pick and choose a focus for the development of their own special bond and connection with their grandchild. One chapter may provide a focus for a few months, or a variety of random experiences throughout the book may prove to help you find the focus that will be unique to your interests, time and needs as well as those of your grandchild.

Conclusion: Each conclusion provides an overview of the intent of the chapter often including previously unused and pertinent quotes from the stories and interviews contained in it.

We expect that some readers will be very experienced with child development and would use the book as a source of useful ideas not yet explored while readers with limited experience will use it as a guide until their own path starts to take shape.

Finally, although this book is written for grandparents, its content is based on the best research on child development. It is written by an experienced educator, and as such is suitable for any child and adult relationship, including parents. It could have been called: A Passion for Our Children: Our Families Need Us NOW!

We are already beginning Volume II and are inviting readers to make contributions. Further details can be found at the end of this book.

I wish for you rich and rewarding relationships with all the children in your lives. I hope this book will make a positive contribution to those relationships.

Table of Contents

(Sample Chapter 1)

Introduction: The Gift of Time 2

Lesson 1: We only need to go as far as our own backyard to create a magic
time for our grandchildren.           3
Try This #1 Scavenger Hunt           4
Try This #2 Rock and Wood Art           5
Try This #3 Yikes! Ant Lions           5
Try This #4 Borrowing an Ant Hill           6

Lesson 2: When we awaken new interest and new talents as we sit side by
side with our grandchildren, we are sharing at a deep and
satisfying level.           7
Try This #5 A Grandchild's Stained Glass           8
Try This #6 Vegetable Prints           9
Try This #7 Marbled Art           9
Try This #8 Wax Resist Art           10
Try This #9 Rock Art           10

Lesson 3: There are countless things you can do together, but the richness
will come from the conversations you have while you are doing
them.           11
Try This #10 Role Models All Around Us           13
Try This #11 Actively Influence Their Choices           13
Try This #12 Encouraging Good Language           14
Try This #13 Make an Activities Calendar           15

Lesson 4: The Rules CAN be Different At Grandma's House.           16
Try This #14 Family Play Day           18
Try This #15 Camp Out in the Living Room           19
Try This #16 Family Dance Party           20
Try This #17 New and Old Group Games           20

Lesson 5: The quality time and the lessons therein will be what our
grandchildren remember about us, fourty years later.           21
Try This #18 Hopscotch           23
Try This #19 Snap           25
Try This #20 Slapjack           25
Try This #21 Who Has the Coin?           26

Lesson 6: An investment in our grandchild's education will be our living
legacy for their lifetime.           27
Try This #22 Support for Success           28
Try This #23 Accepting and Praising Their Efforts           30
Try This #24 Going for a Walk with a Prereader           31
Try This #25 Encourage Your Child's Learning           32

Lesson 7: Children learn through action, experience and reflection: these
words should drive the activities we plan for our grandkids.           34
Try This #26 Interview Your Grandchild - Then Have Them Interview You           35
Try This #27 Our Similarities and Differences           36
Try This #28 Who Can I Count On?           37
Try This #29 Using Television Appropriately           37

Lesson 8: We must remember to honour and reinforce our
grandchildrens' relationship with their parents as well.           40
Try This #30 Egg Candles           40
Try This #31 A - Clay-Pot Candles           42
Try This #31 B - Other Ideas For Clay-Pot Candles           43
Try This #32 Playdough Decorations           44
Try This #33 Uncooked Salt Dough           45

Lesson 9: When grandchildren come to visit, tell them the things you have
to do, and ask them how they'd like to be involved.           46
Try This #34 Oranges en Surprise           48
Try This #35 Playdough You Can Eat           48
Try This #36 Cornflake Crunchies           49
Try This #37 Popcorn Pops           49

Lesson 10: Grandparents can be the matchmaker between a grandchild's
interests and talents, and arrange lessons to invest in long term
success.           50
Try This #38 Make Library and Bookstore Tours           51
Try This #39 Health and Learning Walks           51
Try This #40 A Community Commitment to Kids           52
Try This #41 Phone Book Fun           54
Conclusion: The Voices of the Grandchildren           55

Catalogue Information