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Loriana, forever my Sweetheart

by Gina Prenz

288 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #99-0062; ISBN 1-55212-312-X; US$22.00, C$25.00, EUR18.00, £12.50

This is the story of a mother's journey through grief to recovery.

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about the book      about the author      excerpts      reviews      catalogue info

About the Book It never crossed my mind that one day I would find myself sitting behind my kitchen table, attempting to write any kind of a book, let alone writing about the tragedy that has shaken me and my family. It is because of this indescribable pain that I have chosen to write this book in memory of my daughter, Loriana. For me, it has also been good therapy. I never could have dreamt that one day the tragedy of sudden death would take place in my own family. It would bring us to the realization that, at times, there is no end to pain, and sometimes, there is no limit to its extremity. For the person grieving, I know for sure that reading this book will not take the pain away. But I believe what you have read will help you to understand the emotions of a mother and realize that you are not alone. If you are not grieving at this time, be assured that somewhere in your lifetime it will occur. Keep what you have read in mind. It is my prayer that all of you readers with troubled hearts may find peace within you in this world of suffering and pain.

About the Author

I was born in the city of Pola, Croatia, on the peninsula of Istria. My childhood was an unusual one; I had to grow up quickly. I was used to working hard in the fields and having little time for homework. The most important thing to me that I missed was my parents' affection. It was because of this that I wanted my children to grow up in a different atmosphere, in a different world, than I did in my homeland

Now my husband and I are facing the great loss of our daughter, Loriana, my "Sweetheart." The death of a child, I had been told, is the worst tragedy imaginable. And death is something, I once thought, only occurred to others, not to one of my loved ones. But events happen that we are powerless to control. I knew so little about the nature of death, I was terrorized when it struck. The very foundation of my life cracked and fell apart.

I must say this to all parents: be there for your children no matter how difficult your own childhood might have been. It can make a big difference today and a brighter tomorrow; a better world to live in for all of us.

Excerpt from the book

The greatest shock of my life

September 16, 1992 the day my life was turned upside down. Something horrible happened to my daughter that day and, in turn, to myhusband, son and myself. It was a day I will never be able to forget. That morning was no different than any other morning. I said my prayers while still in bed, then got up as usual. Our son was home after staying with family for three months in Europe. My husband was back in the construction business after the completion of our new home. My sentiments at the time were, This is too good to be true. It was seven o'clock when I walked down the hallway into the kitchen, trying to get breakfast for everyone and make a lunch for my husband. I reminded him of a business call he was supposed to make before leaving the house, so I remember the time. The clock on the stove showed 7:35 a.m. How can I ever forget? It was very quiet; neither the TV nor the radio were on for the morning news. At twenty minutes to eight, my husband picked up his lunch box and left. Then, like every other morning, I knocked on Loriana's door.

I had to check to see what my daughter was doing and, as usual, to say, Hi, Sweetheart. From the earliest grades, Loriana never had to be called to get up and prepare for school. She was extremely self-disciplined. At one time, she made up a schedule of exactly what she was supposed to be doing, from the time she awakened, at 6:00 a.m., until she would leave for school. She would never leave the house without saying, Bye Mom, Bye Dad. That horrible morning, the Good-byes ended and we were never to hear them again.

Awards Day

I returned home. As I entered the empty house, I looked at my daughter's awards from last year hanging on the wall. Taking them down, holding them in my hands, I sat on the couch and wept, heart-broken. I would not see my daughter coming through that door handing us her report card or bringing home the yearbook and the awards that she was always proud of. I will no longer flip through the pages of the local paper and see our daughter's name in the column of First Class Honour Roll students. Articulate in speech, a strong personality, an excellent student, her talents will no longer be present with us. My daughter will never graduate from Highland Secondary School with her friends. She will never have the opportunity to choose a dress for her graduation. She will never attend university, although she was planning to. Loriana will not have the chance to have that first dance at the Grad with her dad, as I had the opportunity of the first dance with our son. Her earthly life has ended and so has her brilliant future.

Testimonials and Reviews

"A powerful story that grips the emotion of grief for all who have lost a child. "
     - Irmgard Arndt

"I am a mom who lost my oldest son Chris 5 1/2 years ago. I remember feeling so lost and alone; the book is a wonderful tool. I wish it had been available then. "
     - Darla Montgomery

"Gina has written a very personal story, sharing painful emotions that many of us find difficult to face. Her story may give insight to those working with grieving individuals, and connection for those who have also faced the loss of a child. "
     - Frances McAlonan R.N. - Palliative Care Coordinator

"It is not just a book for a grieving parent but an important message for young people. I wish for my children to read this brave and powerful story so they will realize just how important their lives are, especially to those who care for and love them. Gina's grief caused me to feel deeply... her sorrow beat at my heart and opened my soul to more compassion than I've felt in a lifetime. I wish I could bundle some of her pain in my arms and carry it around for her just to ease her burden... "
     -Jeanie Bryneau

"Gina Prenz takes you on a truly unforgettable journey* down to the depths of despair that become the world of the bereaved parent* along the dark, seemingly endless tunnel of grief* and finally, a ray of hope, that life, although changed forever, may yet be bearable and purposeful. I have read may books on grief but have found that only those who have personally experienced the loss of a child can convincingly describe the tortured mind of the grieving parent. As an anatomy of grief, this book must surely rank with C.S. Lewis's A Grief Observed and Mahler's Kindertotenlieder as one of the world's great straight-from-the-heart, first-hand descriptions of this terrifying world."

"So powerful and convincing is the imagery in this book, that it should be required reading for all those physicians, medical students, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and other professionals whose job it is to help bereaved parents through this terrible experience and reestablish a meaning for their lives. Bravo, Gina* Loriana must be very proud of you."
     - Dr. Chris Bellamy, bereaved parent and pathologist

"While I initially approached writing a review of 'Loriana' with journalistic objectivity, I found that after meeting with and interviewing Gina Prenz, and reading the book itself, I was coming at the task from another direction. What I found, in a deeply moving way, was a study of the stages of grief and the growth that can come through dealing with those stages. While I have never lost a child, I did lose both my parents in relatively short order in the early and mid 1990s, as well as undergoing divorce in the same time period, and I found there to be little available to both explain my feelings at that time, as well as to lead me in the ultimate direction of 'letting go'. Gina Prenz is a brave woman and she has, through her pain, produced a well-written and deeply heartfelt study of the agony felt by a parent who faces the ultimate unexpected 'insult,' that of losing a child. 'Loriana' not a happy read, but it is an intensely spiritual one, and it is one that should be a text for not only those going through grief of any sort, but also those who counsel those in a state of grief."
     - Ian Lidster, journalist, The Comox Valley Echo

"In this epoch or upcoming "millenium," since "globalization" is fast growing, the loss of a young human life may not seem socially tragic. Instead it is! Like Loriana's case, in which the sudden death of a young, pretty, and intelligent girl is not scientifically explainable by modern and efficient medicine. That kind of unexpected and unaccepted loss pushed Gina into a dangerous psychological depression of a desparate mother."

"I am very happy to have read Gina's book for two reasons; one is relative to Gina's psychological "restoration" and return to "normal" life, the second is related to the dimention of this mother's psycho-healing experience which can be useful to many people. Reading the book induces us to make a serious consideration, our important problems should not be enclosed into ourselves, but be projected around us."

"A tragedy could be just a loss, a sterile loss if we succumb to is, or it can be a great and useful experience if we accept it as an uncontrollable phenomenon and as one of the indefinite numbers of events of our life."

Through the mind and the pen of Gina, Loriana has become a useful human phenomenon for helping people who are involved in some disaster. Loriana's tragedy and Gina's well described attitude are examples to invite us not to loose the contact with ourselves and our families."
     - Prof. Gaetano Azzolina, Cardiovascular Specialist,Italy

Catalogue Information