What's REALLY Cookin' in the Kitchen
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
"This is not a self-help book. It's a story about how I chose to search through the options we are given in a day and time when nothing seems impossible in order to seek the purpose for my life. Sure, some of us feel that destiny overrules our independent choices. Free will may cloud some sort of feeling that we are guided. As long as I live, there will always be a knowing that the most simple of thoughts and the greatest beauty come from a power much larger than I. And I know my heart beats because of an energy that was given to me before birth. The mystery of it all keeps me asking, "What am I really here for?" "When will I know?"
"In a round about way, what I'm trying to say here is that my heritage allowed me to see that men can be involved in the kitchen - REAL men - and that, for sure, is a way sexy thing for me. You know, a guy that is willing to spend time cooking with me . . . slicing up those carrots, stirring that pot of stew. My thinking is that cooking in the kitchen means you're probably going to be good at cooking in the bedroom . . . willing to work with me to create something uniquely our own, and willing to taste things, and savor the flavor, and develop a sensitivity to what's delicious in the moment."
"I mean, from what I was told, I reeked of some sort of pheromone that turned heads and made men horny. But all I really wanted was a good time - some laughter - and adventure of some sort. And the romance was interesting to me. Just not the sex. I was not particularly interested in all that. It's like Goldie Hawn once said on a TV interview, something about men needing to understand that a woman needs to be touched lightly and turned on. Amen to that. But I understand that it's difficult for men, who primarily were given what they think is the gift of fun and games in their pants to understand that we, as women, have to very seriously consider letting their joy stick into our va - j - j's, as Oprah says. Because being faced with pregnancy and the thought of bringing a new life into the world is a far cry from fun and games."
"That's what gets me about some men. A moment in your life filled with romance and promise, to them is like a hot dog with chili. I think it should be the other way around. I think they should want you with all their heart and soul, while you are just looking at them as one more loaded wiener, trying to decide just how many condiments you are going to put on them before letting them in your mouth."
"He liked what happened at night, though. He was in one room and I slept in another upstairs. Grandma slept downstairs. The floors would creak. So, we had to be very careful about tiptoeing on certain boards to get to each other. I don't think it was every night, but two for sure that we ended up watching shadows on the wall from the mercury light shining through the window over the tin roof. It was raining that night and it was naughty and pleasurable. Where we got into trouble was the next morning when Gary came over to wake me up and Grandma must have heard us talking through the floor register in my room over the kitchen, because she started hitting the ceiling with the broom handle and yelled up for Gary to get out of there."
"I can hear the TV. Somewhere. Don't know where. Never saw a TV when I took the house tour. Only a baby grand piano in the library and the pool and the indoor greenhouse. So, I found my way upstairs and Max was naked in the bed, totally gone - I thought he was dead. His head was crammed between the bed and the chest of drawers and as I got closer, saw there was a phone in the bed and a gun with about an 8 inch nose on it. Didn't see any blood. I had never touched a gun before, but I picked it up and put it in the top drawer of the chest of drawers. I had to yell above the TV to even try to wake him and then went over and shook his shoulder and he took a deep breath,"
"I was trying to explain to Kyle that I required a lot of emailing before I was actually going to meet anyone in person because of what had happened. He was fine with that. But you know me and baking. I really enjoy feeding people. I have a small business on the side baking cakes and making fudge. So I suggested he give me an address to send him a cake. He chose a Blueberry Cream Cheese Pound Cake to be sent to a post office box in Texas."
"I guess you can imagine why I chose to shut down off of Match.com for a while after this one. We had been emailing for over a year off and on, and I was finally getting it through my head what a nurse at UVA had told me. Rhonda was a strong Christian and said that most people looked at Match.com like an online bar scene. That guys were just there to pick up women. I argued with her that there had to be people on there just like me that were simply not in a position with their work schedule to have much of a social life. I certainly wasn't looking for a one night stand. But the more I saw of what happens with these guys, the more I'm thinking she might be right."
"I caressed his face in his comatose state and told him I loved him and that everyone was praying for him. Mary had called just before we left to tell me he was in trouble. I contacted all his friends on Facebook and asked them to pray for him and why. Out of that came a few interesting surprises, several girlfriends, the biggest surprise being a girl who said she had been his girlfriend over the last two months. She had a letter from him that she emailed to me where he professed his undying love for her, so I knew it wasn't one-sided. She said it was complicated. That she was married but they hadn't had sex for two years. Her husband knew about her relationship with Wayne and they had even talked about open marriage, because he really wanted to keep her in the end. I told her if that ever changed to send him my way. He was either a really good, forgiving man, or a real loser, but my guess is that he knew how to love a woman through thick and thin."
"Recipe for Better Than Sex Cake" . . ."While cake is still hot, poke holes in it with the handle of a wooden spoon. Pour sweetened condensed milk over cake. Let cool. Top with caramel sauce, then whipped topping. Sprinkle with candy bars. Eat immediately or your cake will end up looking like mine. The cream just starts to melt in . . ."
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About the Book
PRESS RELEASE - "In 1911, courtship was much different than what we've become accustomed to today. Women's rights, civil rights movement, the invention of the birth control pill - all of these things revolutionized the way men and women became and stayed romantically involved. In the past decade, the internet has had an undeniable impact, with recent statistics showing that one in five relationships today begin online. Here to share the hilarious, candid, true stories of her lifelong search for Mr. Right is Martha Elizabeth with her new nonfiction, What's REALLY Cookin' in the Kitchen. When Elizabeth suffered a back injury that left her bedridden and facing mounting medical bills, she decided to put pen to paper and recount the events of her life, originally intending to focus on her love of cooking and how her family influenced that passion over the years. What emerged was more than a book of recipes - once Elizabeth started really thinking and writing about her life, she couldn't deny the entertaining, one-of-a-kind adventures she had while navigating the dating scene. Throwing in favorite recipes along the way, Elizabeth gives the real flavor to her book with alternately romantic, embarrassing, and sexually explicit anecdotes about the trials and tribulations of looking for her Prince Charming. At the end of the book, she shares a selection of mouth-watering recipes for the cakes she baked and food she cooked for different boyfriends along the way. Elizabeth's conversational style will leave readers laughing and nodding their heads in agreement as they follow her entertaining adventures. Reminiscent of "Sex and the City" with its frank, honest tone, What's REALLY Cookin' in the Kitchen will appeal to any woman who's navigated the tumultuous, unpredictable world of online dating and give them ideas for tasty meals and sweets. Martha Elizabeth was a nurse for 31 years and has been told she's a wonderful cook and baker. She is still looking for her Mr. Right. She bakes cakes and makes fudge that sell locally and on eBay under community member name "muffymartha". What's REALLY Cookin' in the Kitchen is her first published book. For more information, please visit http://www.grandmasgarage.org."
About the Author
What qualifies one to write a book about anything? So much of what we read is polished with the shadows of politics or manipulation. Firstly, I was born female. It has been my life long dream to find someone who knows how to treat a woman with respect at the same time making life interesting and pleasurable. Secondly, I was born into a family that is pretty normal by most accounts I've read about how a "normal" family functions. And thirdly, I have this need to share what I've learned. My mother said I should have been a teacher. It was my father who said I would be a good nurse.
I've been a nurse for thirty-one years, a daughter for fifty-four, a wife for four and now a divorcee for six years. I have been through some interesting experiences with men in my journey. Outside of my professional life, I opened a small business baking cakes and making fudge. I inherited an intense interest in cooking. My whole family loves to feed people.
I live in Staunton, Virginia. My cakes are sold on eBay and at Cranberry's Grocery and Eatery in downtown Staunton. Grandma's Garage, LLC is the business and while it is small, there has been a very satisfying relationship between the people I bake and cook for and myself. Along with my work as a nurse, I do what I can to reach out to the community at large whenever there is a need. I love music, sing in two church choirs, and love animals. So, with this printing of my first book, I have shared my story and my recipes. It's my heritage and you are now given my story.