I Miss Myself

The Beginning A couple of weeks have passed since my return home from a contemplative retreat which consisted mainly in working with dreams and other images from the unconscious. Among the goals of this retreat the possibility of experimenting, psychologically speaking, an encounter with The Other had been brought up. In the afternoon of the second day —of four that the workshop lasted— and the meeting was almost over, it was suggested to be open to the possibility of discovering The Other at a personal level. So I went straight through a road that I had gone over before in which the branches of the trees —which were mostly pines— had built a passage similar to a tunnel, changeably lighted up by hundreds of small sun beams that intersected all the way to the ground. It was around five in the afternoon, and the rain came and went. The rain drops that had built up on the grass started to gather inside my boots and, soon, my feet were swimming in a pool of their own. I walked for a long time and walked across new paths. I was eager to have an encounter but not quite like the one I had the day before when I met a couple of deers that were as scared as I was, because our unexpected proximity. I went into a road that I thought would take me to the Monastery. The vegetation began to get more and more abundant with every step I took, which made me think that it was not a very traveled way, at least not by humans. I kept on walking and found some tracks on the way, but when I arrived to a kind of wood store, I heard a growl not so far away. So, in no time at all, I turned around and moved away because I had just realized that, without noticing it, I was invading a private territory in which it seemed like guests were not really welcomed. On my way back, I stopped at the entrance of the tunnel of branches, but I decided to take the road on the left and was amazed to see that, after walking just a few meters, I was on the top of a hill on which there was a white wooden bench that invited me to sit and enjoy the sight of thousands of leaves painted by mother nature's brush with different shades of green. I naturally sat there while, behind my back, the foliage of the trees was dancing to the rhythm of the wind on which thousands of rain drops were traveling swiftly, with a sound so soft and so full of life that I started feeling in my chest the restlessness of the one who is waiting to hear a voice long cherished. A feeling of deep serenity took over my whole being. I stood there seeing, listening, and smelling a vast number of scents, until I felt with an unknown intensity that I was alive and that I was not a stranger but was certain to be a part of nature. I still feel such experience within my soul today. The Awakening About twenty years ago, a man opened his eyes after having slept for a very long time and, after a moment passed, he realized he was still dreaming. He was looking at himself standing on the top of a rock facing the blue immensity of the sea. The air was blowing intensely, ruffling his gray hair and causing his clothes to swell as if they were sails. The waves, pushed by the wind, traveled rapidly, crashing against the rocks and turning into thousands of small drops that splashed the cracks on the cliff that, as wrinkles on a face, time had shaped. The sun was halfway on the horizon. No one would be able to distinguish if it was going up into a glorious sunrise or sinking into the ocean, as if he was making way for his inseparable companion, the moon. Suddenly, the man realized that he was holding a wooden box in his hands. It had a metal cover carved with a wide variety of tiny figures of all kinds. It contained animals and people. It was decorated with stones that, with the sunlight, sparkled with different colors that framed what seemed to be little scenes. He looked up again and felt incredibly light. A great feeling of peace began to penetrate his whole body. There was nothing in the world that could upset him. At that moment, he felt in full harmony with himself and with the universe. For a moment, his mind, anxious to find a clear reason for that, asked that man what was going on, but he did not answer. The joy he was experiencing was so immense that it even prevented him from speaking. He stood there for a while, but did not know for how long because the sun was not moving and nothing changed on the scene. All of a sudden, he woke up and for a moment he doubted he was awake, but his doubts disappeared the minute he realized he was laying in bed next to his wife, Miranda, who was soundly asleep. That joyful feeling of peace and safety lingered a little longer. He remained still thinking that, if he moved, everything would vanish. However, he turned his head to see that it was 6:45 in the morning. In a few minutes the everyday activities would start, so he could not stay in bed any longer.