This fine book is available now at our bookstore....

The Local Government Joke Box

by Douglas W. Ayres

115 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #02-0005; ISBN 1-55369-192-X; US$15.80, C$24.80, EUR16.20, £11.20

This is a book that every municipal official who ever has or ever will have to make a speech must have in his/her personal library. The Joke Box contains 247 hilariously successful jokes, tailored to local government needs, complete with instructions how, when and where to use each.

Read more!

about the book      about the author      sample excerpts or Table of Contents      catalogue info

About the Book     An accomplished public administrator and speechmaker and sometimes-standup comic has compiled The Local Government Joke Box. It not only is instructive but contains hundreds of carefully selected jokes and one liners that work. Work to make points that city, county, state and non-profit organization officials must make to survive. The author not only provides the material for "those who can't tell 'em" but also the purpose, selection, use, audience, and point (s) which can be made via each example so "you can tell 'em".     Scores of thousand of attendees at the author's speeches have endorsed these tailored "jokes" with gales of laughter, hundreds of millions of tax dollars and numerous degrees. Douglas W. Ayres used the herein oneliners and other jokes to loosen minds, taxpayer pocketbooks, would be critics, and to maintian attention of thousands of graduate students, governing bodies and state legislative committees. As Ayres says: "How can anyone get angry with or disagree with someone who makes their cogent points with humor and laughter, enroute to agreement with the goal of the jokester.

---

About the Author     Douglas W. Ayres spent 50 years in local government, accomplishing great things and building communities, minds and ideas. He became noted for making major points by illustrating the goal via jokes; lots and lots of jokes. Hilarity and adoption of his goals invariably followed. Ayres has culled these 247 jokes from his personal "Joke Box" for their known impact on the thousands of audiences on whom he perfected them.     Ayres has been a City Clerk, Court Clerk, City Treasurer, Finance Director, City Manager of three cities and the CEO of two corporations. He was a Professor in the Graduate School of the University of Southern California for 15 years as well as on faculty at each of California State University, Long Beach and the University of California, Irvine. Doug also was the consultant of choice by more than 500 jurisdictions in more than 3,000 engagements in a wide variety of subjects, ranging from law to finance and personnel matters. For decades his seminars and multi-day workshops were in great demand not only for the content but also for the manner in which he made his points - via intellectually appealing humor. That humor is now in book form.     During his career Ayres became well known on the national speech circuit as a raconteur,spinner of interesting and humorous tales and, prior to retirement to writing, was in great demand to speak on a wide variety of local government subjects and situations. As can be seen and learned from his latest book The Local Government Joke Box, Ayres' accomplishments were in no small part due to his ability to make his points convincingly via jokes tailored to the needs of the occasion.

---

Sample Excerpts and Table of Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication
Table of Contents
Intent of This Book
Source of the Jokes
Selection of Jokes
1 The Oldest Profession
2 One Liners (58 of 'em)
3 Attorneys and Waste Dumps
4 Leadership and Progress
5 The Division Between Policy and Administration
6 Speech Introduction
7 Paper for a Purpose
8 The Hillbilly and the Catholic
9 Dead or Alive?
10 Balls
11 A Real Mess
12 Call 'Em!
13 The Voice of Authority
14 Where's the Report?
15 There I Was, Minding My Own Business...
16 Money
17 The Lamb and the Lion
18 Ponthius, the Pilot
19 A Gunfighter?
20 The Polish Hydraulic Engineer
21 Moses' PR Man
22 My Own Business
23 The Shoe Salesman
24 Your Pet Just Died
25 Notification
26 Consistency
27 Inadequate Means
28 One Liner Sayings (19 of 'em)
29 Acronyms (9 of those)
30 The City of Lingerie, Louisianna
31 Where's That City?
32 Ayres' Axiom
33 The Night Club Act
34 A Gynecologist?
35 Opium Jones
36 The Realtor's Wife
37 The Motorcyle
38 The Chain Saw
39 Where There is a Will There is a Way
40 Who Designed Women? 41 How You Start an Earthquake?
42 Secret Police
43 Land Mines
44 You'll Lose Your Ass
45 The Restroom
46 Hunga Hunga
47 Bad News: Good News
48 Groundhog Day
49 Bless This Bread
50 Peanut M & M s
51 A Sandwich?
52 Fatal Decisions
53 Show Business
54 White Lies
55 Betting on a Sure Thing
56 Who Signed the Declaration of Independence?
57 Jesus Saves...
58 You Remind Me Too Much
59 Dammit Jones
60 Take My Advice
61 It All Happens So Fast
62 Did You See God?
63 We Would Have Been Married...
64 In Tune With Consulting
Conclusion

INTENT OF THIS BOOK

    The purpose of this book is to provide local government administrators with a source of ready made "lighteners" which can be spliced into a speech to the appropriate type of audience and in a proper context. The intent, obviously, is to alleviate the problem found in the punchline of a famous old joke:

    "Some can tell 'em and some can't."

    Hopefully, this book will expand the speechmaking population among local government officials who "can tell 'em". And thereby make a desirable intended point.

    Background. As a transplanted West Virginia hillbilly who developed both his speaking style and vocabulary over five decades I found that I did have an ability "to tell 'em." And tell 'em. And tell 'em. And tell 'em. Many times I had the feeling that I was sought out as a speaker more for my jokes than for the content which ostensibly was to be the topic of the speech.

    Purpose of a Joke. If one is a speaker, rather than a standup comic, the purpose of a joke should be one, or both, of two things:

1. To get and to keep the attention of the audience.

2. To illustrate a major point of the intention of the speech.

    Preferably, one and two merge, and can be made to do so. Thus this compilation of jokes from which a local government speaker can choose. A compelling civic point can be made far easier thru an illustrative joke than thru a blizzard of words to the audience. So a wide selection of jokes and humorous stories covering a diversity of subjects are provided herein. A suggested context is supplied, usually involving subjects of a municipal nature.

    Admonitions. Don't try these jokes on each other. The intent is to provide material that can be spliced selectively into any type speech to be given to a civic audience, NOT an urban professional group, to illustrate the particular subject being pushed by the speaker. The purpose is to inform the public, not bore them with disconnected jokes that add nothing to the central point being made. It also will be noticed that there are a number of jokes that are self-deprecating in nature. Such is expected of civic officials and, for some perverse reason, such self- deprecation is appreciated, expected and reveled in by today's generally anti-government audiences. So pleasantly demean yourself, on your own terms.

    SOURCE OF JOKES

    This book of jokes has been gleaned from a wide varirety of sources over 40 years. Each has been heavily modified from its original form, and specifically re-sculptured to be used to make a specific local governmental point. These jokes and stories have been used in speeches given to scores of audiences of sizes varying from the low 20's to a thousand or more. Now being retired I decided to spread the use of my personal "joke box" to those in civic work who have a point to make and need some method to emphasize, or to work up to the point(s) that they feel need to be made.
    History of Jokes. The history of these jokes has been lost in the mists of time. The modifications of all but one are so extensive as to defy the tracing of any individual "chiste" back to its original form or source. Thus only a general, and grateful acknowledgement can be made by this compiler/"author" to the origins or genesis of these particular jokes and stories.

    "The Unfinished Symphony". This wonderful speech ender has been modified as to its beginning and end, but its real punch is the original work of its author, management consultant Daniel Yankelovich. I have had hundreds of requests for copies of this masterpiece over the decades, but have not provided it to anyone until now. Acknowledgement of the guardianship and now the broadcasting of this particular "joke" is gratefully given to Dr. Yankelovich, now retired in NYC to an unlisted telephone number.

    SELECTION OF JOKES Category. Each joke has a prefatory statement suggesting the category or context of a speech in which it might be usefully applied. But the variety of needs is as wide as the variety of jokes, so let your judgement and needs be your only guide.

    Use. Each also has a "use" section, suggesting how the joke can be used in an urban or governmental context. This add-on to each "joke" usually is in the form of a follow up statement suggested for the speaker to use in his/her speech. Admittedly, some of these jokes are old "groaners". But I found that those type jokes often are just what is needed to lighten a speech, loosen up an audience, and be a bit self-deprecating all in one joke.

    Selectivity. In selecting the jokes or one liners to use for each speech don't forget your personality. There is a certain "Hee Haw" quality to some of these jokes, which a re-formed and displaced hillbilly could get away with telling, while others who appear to be more sophisticated could not pull it off. So choose carefully.
    Remember the end all of all jokes in all speechifying:

"Some can tell 'em and some can't."

---

Catalogue Information

---

About Trafford Publishing:
Our books are manufactured one-at-a-time to fill individual orders -- part of an innovative process we invented, called "on-demand publishing." Authors and organizations from 120 countries are using Trafford for their publishing needs.
If you (or your company) wish to list a title for sale to the public, contact the nearest office or select "publishing offices" from our bookstore pages for details.

Canada • USA • UK • Republic of Ireland Contact Us URL http://www.trafford.com © 1995-2005 Trafford Publishing, a division of Trafford Holdings Ltd. Trafford's Privacy Policy: Client information will never be provided to anyone outside of Trafford and its subsidiaries except where required by law.