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I Got Jokes and Anecdotes

by John Pechacek

57 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-0002; ISBN 1-55395-639-7; US$12.95, C$18.00, EUR11.70, £8.20

Look around a little, and you'll laugh a lot. John Pechacek looks around a lot, and here's a little of what he sees.

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About the book      About the author      Sample excerpts      Catalogue info

About the Book I Got Jokes and Anecdotes is a collection of funny moments that John Pechacek has observed, read about and concocted in his sometimes warped mind. For example, John points out that dogs lick themselves in their private areas, and their owners seemingly forget this and kiss the dogs on their mouths. He touches on subjects such as how movies that only six people saw win awards, and how an advantage of being a kid instead of an adult is you don't look stupid chasing the ice cream truck.

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About the Author John considers himself a fortunate man surrounded by a wonderful group of family and friends, including a beautiful baby daughter, Nicole, and a loving wife, Roshune. He loves sports and absorbing as much TV as possible. John is a freelance sportswriter who has written for various newspapers in the Chicagoland area, and he currently writes a fantasy football column on the Internet.

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Sample Excerpts

The Entourage

Some entertainers and athletes lose all their money, but members of their entourages prosper. Somebody in the entourage is making $60,000 a year with a home and Lexus provided just to go to the cleaners and wash the cars. How can I get that job?

My advice to celebrities on saving money and making it last is to kick your barber out of the guest house, don't take a helicopter to the mall, sell 38 of your 40 cars and don't pay someone $100 an hour to walk your dogs. Walk them your damn self. I think you also have to kick family members who showed up when you got money to the curb. Tell Cousin Willie, whom you haven't seen in seven years, to get a damn job. Just because Cousin Willie goes to Burger King for you doesn't mean he should get a new car every year.

I'm not saying kick all of the entourage to the curb. If your grandmother and mother are part of the entourage and cook every day, I think their services should be retained. They cook stuff like pecan pie, fried chicken, carrot cake, spaghetti and fish- they need a raise. But, you better get a gym built in your house, because they'll keep cooking, you'll keep eating and your pants will keep getting bigger. I bet models don't let granny or mama live with them, because if models get fat they're out of a job.

Cell Phones

Everybody and their mama has a cell phone. People who ride a bicycle as a primary means of transportation have cell phones. Four-year-olds have cell phones so they can call their playmates.

Imagine that conversation.

"What's up?"

The other kid answers, "Nothing. Just eating some Fruity Pebbles."

Because everyone has a cell phone, why do some people act like they're special because they've got one? You know the people who pull out their loud-ringing, car-horn-sounding cell phones and talk so loud you can hear them a block away. These are the same people who have their cell phones turned on in a movie theater. When one cell phone rings at a movie, it causes a domino effect of 20 people pulling out their cell phones to see if it's theirs.

It's obvious the caller asks, "Whatcha doing?" The reply is, "I'm at the show." The real question should be why is your phone turned on in a movie theater? At least put the phone on vibrate, if you must be reached. I can understand if a doctor gets a call because there's an emergency. But, if someone's calling from your house to ask what flavor Kool-Aid you want, that can wait.

Movie theaters should have a cell phone security detail. As soon as someone utters, "I'm at the show," that person should be escorted out. The security guard should also take the phone and say to the caller, "They ain't at the show no more."

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Catalogue Information

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