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If You Think You Are My Daughter

by Jeanne Biedrzycki and Karen Sweet; Compiled by Lewis M. Elia

182 pages; quality trade paperback (softcover); catalogue #03-1163; ISBN 1-4120-0795-X; US$19.95, C$22.94, EUR16.39, £11.00

True story of how a sixteen year old girl, forced to give up her baby girl at birth, finds her after thirty years with the help of a private detective.

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About the Book      About the Authors      Reviews      Excerpt      Catalogue Information

About the Book

Jeanne is sixteen years old and is forced to give up her baby girl for adoption. She never gets to see or hold her but she never forgets. And so begins a journey, a search for a lost child which will last thirty years. Join these two women on a spiritual journey as they learn the meaning of family and love which ends at Jeanne's new home overlooking the Ashokan Reservoir in upstate New York. Or is that where the story begins?

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About the Author

Karen Sweet is a financial services consultant for a large mid-western bank. She is currently on leave and is a mother and homemaker. She resides in Ohio with her husband, Kevin and son, Brendan.

Jeanne Biedrzycki-Cohen is currently working as private duty nurse. She resides in Upstate New York with her husband, Paul.

Chronicler, Lewis M. Elia is a retired teacher and former associate editor with MPC Educational Publishers of Tarrytown, NY and has two other publications to his credit: The Garlic in the Melting Pot, a memoir and Lord, I am not Worthy, a novel (written under the name of E. M. Lewis) both with Trafford Publishing. He resides in upstate New York with his wife Linda.

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Reviews

From The Mid-York Weekly (Hamilton, NY):

A birth mother searches for her daughter thirty years after being forced to give her up for adoption. Sounds like the premise of a warm and fuzzy, made-for-TV movie, doesn't it? But in fact it is the true story of Jeanne Biedrzycki and Karen Sweet. It is all the more powerful for being an honest and factual account that does not try to give easy answers.

Jeanne was sixteen and pregnant, so her parents decided that she would give her newborn girl up for adoption - without giving Jeanne a choice in the matter. After years of questions, regretting, and wondering, the adult Jeanne is impelled - after the death of her own mother - to find the baby girl. That girl is Karen, now a thirty-year-old woman, who has a strong relationship with her adoptive mother and who has no interest in meeting the woman who gave birth to her. She says no to a meeting, or even a phone call, but agrees to accept a letter. And this is when the story really starts.

If You Think You Are My Daughter draws from first hand interviews with Jeanne and Karen. But the meat of the story comes from the actual letters and email correspondence that Jeanne and Karen exchanged over the course of the following year, which are presented in their entirety. For the most part, the thoughts of these two women are detailed in real time (punctuated every so often by passages of retrospect) so the emotions are often raw, and the communication at times tentative, but always honest.

Reader, I urge you to forego warm and fuzzy fictions this holiday season, in favor of an authentic family story with genuine emotions, which respects the intelligence of its readers and the experiences of its subjects.

Heather Hawn, Events Coordinator
Colgate University Bookstore

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Excerpts

INTRODUCTION

I have completed over 16,000 adoption cases in my twenty-two years of uniting adoptees and birth parents, and this case is my all-time favorite. It has everything. It is the story of Jeanne, a sixteen-year-old girl who gave birth to a daughter, had it taken away from her, and was told that she would never see her daughter again. It tells of her suffering and tears as she grew older, and how everything that happened in her life would bring back the memories of the precious baby she never saw and would never get to meet. It tells of the six years she would spend searching for the child and how many times she would be told she had no right to find her, in spite of the fact that she never willingly gave her up. Her sin was being too young to have any control over what happened to her daughter.

Finally she gave up searching on her own and called me. The State of New York was extremely difficult when it came to opening records for birth moms. Jeanne told me that her own mother had cervical and breast cancer which did not take her life, but she eventually died of a heart attack. Now she was even more determined to find her daughter in order to make her aware of this. The medical history was what we needed. That, of course, was enough to petition the court, even though in New York it was extremely difficult to do. The child had a right to this knowledge. The case was heard by a caring judge who ordered the records unsealed and appointed me as the intermediary. When I told Jeanne about the judge's decision, I had never heard anyone express such joy.

The next step was to find Karen, the birth daughter. To be honest, I expected a resounding "Yes, I want to see my mother!" Instead, I was told "No, I already have a mother." I could tell by her voice she was the image of Jeanne, and I could sense her sweetness and tenderness over the telephone. She, however, would not give in, as she did not want to hurt her adoptive parents. I was disappointed. I felt as if I had made no impact on her and could not change her mind. I even talked to her new husband, but it seemed to me that nothing worked.

Jeanne was devastated, as was I. She did not know that as she was crying on one end of the phone, tears were also streaming down mine on this end. I told her to be patient. This was obviously a shock to Karen, and I felt that if some time passed it could still prove to be a good reunion. However, my words sounded hollow even to me.

A few days later my phone rang, and it was Karen. The result is the touching story that follows. After you read it, you will understand why I say this is my favorite case and why, even at the age of seventy-five, I will never stop reuniting birth mothers and daughters.

This story is a must read for anyone, especially those who have given up a child, those who have been adopted, or those who are adoptive parents.

Pat Rutherford
Private Detective, World Wide Tracers, Inc.
http://www.worldwidetracers.com
March, 2003

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Catalogue Information

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