From Self-Destruction to Inner Peace
My Journey of Thoughts
by
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About the Book
Many people in our world suffer severely in silence, unaware of the seriousness of their depressed thinking & unable to see a path out of that state of thought. Their inner life is absolute hell. Their thought patterns can lead to drastic behaviors including drug-dependency, substance abuse, & suicide attempts.
Other people in the lives of the depressed individuals can’t imagine the kinds of thoughts that repeat themselves over & over in the minds of the suffering ones. To these others, there seems to be no observable reason for the suffering one to feel as terrible as he/she feels, yet that is the reality.
The author published the book for two reasons: 1)to help those suffering major depression to see in print some of their thought patterns & realize that they are NOT alone, 2)to enable those sufferers to see a path of thoughts that may help them to slowly work their way out of the inner disaster they live w/ regularly. It takes time & consistent effort, but it is possible. In the case of the author, he has been able to progress far enough to be able to live w/o depression/anxiety medicines & without substance abuse.
If you find YOUR thoughts in the first section of this book, YOU are a prisoner of your own thinking, unable to experience life in a way that brings you peace & fulfillment.
Begin to realize that what you repeat over & over in your thinking is NOT THE TRUTH. It is your mental illness telling you awful things about yourself. You probably have said awful things about yourself for a long time. In order to change your life, you must begin to practice different thoughts.
Use ideas from the second & third sections of the book, repeat them over & over to start replacing the self-destructive thoughts. Remember, you have practiced the self-destructive thoughts for a long time. It will take extended practice of new thoughts to change to a healthier life.
Only by repeated practice can you begin to tear away the awful weights of self-destructive thinking.
About the Author
A crisis caused the author to go into major depression. The author lost his job, his home, his marriage and thought that life was at the end. It was actually a beginning of learning about self and building a better life than ever before.
Table of Contents or Excerpts
Introduction
I put a loop in one of my belts, climbed a step ladder and nailed the belt to one of the rafters in the garage where I lived. I hated myself completely, twenty four hours a day. All my thoughts were of wanting to die because I was the worst thing that ever existed. So I climbed three steps up the ladder, put my head through the loop, and pushed the ladder away...
I thought the cemetery would be a good place to die. No one would be there, it would be peaceful and quiet, and I would join the others already buried there. I put some poison in a coffee cup and intended to drink it at the cemetery and end all the uselessness of my life. But there were people there, workers and others, so I bolted down the poison and went home to bed...
I lay in bed day after day, petrified and totally committed to the thought that I did not deserve to live and indeed should never have been born. I didn't eat, drank little, didn't shave or wash for an indeterminate period of time...
The belt broke
The poison made me so sick that I threw up everything and lost 17 pounds in less than two weeks. After I was taken to the hospital by a friend who gave me no choice, I had lost 70 pounds.
It was during this time that I began to write thoughts on little pieces of paper and continued to write as I began to progress slowly, very slowly from absolute mental hell toward greater and greater mental health.
The thoughts that allowed me to actively pursue my death were obviously very dark, bleak, hopeless. Some were too graphic to put into print. These bombarded my thinking twenty-four hours a day for quite a period of time. In the first section of the book, then, are the ominous and self-destructive thoughts that represent the starting point of my mental journey.
As I progressed, through searching eagerly for anything that might possibly help me, thoughts that saw a glimmer of hope began. Those thoughts gave me the strength to go on and push even harder for more help. These are presented in the second section of this book.
Finally, thoughts that give inner strength began to be part of my thinking. These continue to support and bolster my day-to-day living. The more that I remind myself of them, the more I am able to feel a kind of peace that I never knew in the past. They require regular practice in order to begin to replace the awful thinking that was too much with me in the past. These are written in the third and final section of this book.
May the reader who is in need find my path helpful as a guide. It is my hope that other sufferers not go through what I did, instead discovering the kinds of thoughts that can bring healing and inner peace.
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