Therapy Dialogue

To understand the content of this book and how the process of therapy worked for the person whose therapy is documented here, one needs to become familiar with the concept of self-actualization. This concept has been explained in my other book, Rumi & Self Psychology (Psychology of Tranquility), and the reader will find some of the same subjects repeated here. This client’s goal was to become self-actualized, and to be purified of the heavy and harmful baggage she had carried with her throughout her life; the baggage of negative emotions, thoughts, blockages, and unattended needs. We will refer to the Maslow’s pyramid for the concept of self-actualization. This pyramid can help explain human motivation and personal development in life. We, humans have both physical and emotional needs and are motivated by satisfying these needs in life. Our most basic needs are inborn and have evolved over many years. It is only when the lower needs of physical and emotional well-being are satisfied or compensated that we are able to take care of the higher ones. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is represented as a pyramid with the more primitive needs at the bottom and the more advanced ones on the top. This hierarchy is portrayed as a pyramid of five main levels, each with its own characteristics. The author has added two more levels to this pyramid. Walking through this pyramid seems something like walking through a path, a very personal path. It also seems like going through school and seeking a higher degree. The higher the degree, the more difficult it gets, but at the same time the person has more skills, intelligence, and strength to deal with the difficulties. By graduating from each level and going to the next, it seems like one’s mind and core being are expanding. We can also relate the pyramid to climbing up the mountain. Not everyone can get to the top, since going to the top needs strength, motivation, and determination. It also needs strong muscles that are built during practice and training. With each step up, muscles contract and expand, getting ready for the next one. As one climbs higher up the mountain, she sees everything down below with a more expanded vision. The same applies with a person’s psych. As one goes up the pyramid of growth, one gets stronger and more evolved, and is ready for the next level. During the process of self-growth, one has to be aware and familiar with these levels to be able to aim toward them. Otherwise, a whole life could be wasted living at the lower ones. One must take note of the fact that how each person’s needs are met, and at what stage of life that need becomes a priority, is a truly personal factor that relates to the person’s characteristics, the environment she was raised in, and the predisposed factors she came into this world with. However, it is each person’s responsibility to become aware of these needs, so she is able to go through each in a healthy way. During the process of self-growth, some go through a stage much faster than others, and some pass through a stage and come back to it again, later in life. For example, one might have sexual needs, but may also have strong personal values that in order to be sexually intimate with a person, one must bond with that person on deeper levels first, emotionally or spiritually, or even perhaps be in a long-term relationship with him or her, or get married, before having a sexual relationship. Now, if this person is unable to find the right partner but still has the sexual needs, he or she must find other ways to satisfy this need in healthy ways, rather than letting it block his or her growth or letting this unmet need turn into damaging behaviors. This way, the individual is able to stand up to her values while she is not jamming him or herself because of unmet needs. That is why being aware of needs instead of denying that they exist is a productive way of going about the self-growth process. To refer back to the levels of the pyramid, the four lower levels (survival/physiological, security/safety, love/belonging/social acceptance, and self-esteem) are grouped together as deficiency needs, and are all related, one way or another, to physiological needs. The top level (self-actualization) is termed a growth need, and is related to psychological needs. Going from the lowest level to the top, the first level of needs, survival and physiological, are things like breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostatic which is the ability of an organism to maintain an internal equilibrium, and excursion. The second level of needs, security and safety needs, are things like security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health, and property. The third level of needs, social acceptance, love, and belonging needs, are things like acceptance, friendship, family, and sexual intimacy. The fourth level of needs, self-esteem, are things like confidence, achievement, and respect for and by others. The fifth level of needs, self-actualization, are morality, spontaneity, creativity, productivity, lack of prejudice, and respect for others and nature. The basic concept of the pyramid is that once the lower needs are met, the individual can move up to the next higher need. Once an individual passes one level, that level’s needs will no longer be prioritized, though they may still exist. On the other hand, if a lower set of needs is persistently unmet and neglected for a long time, the individual will temporarily re-prioritize those needs by dropping down to that level until those lower needs are realistically fulfilled again. Natural growth forces continuously generate upward movement in the hierarchy, unless basic needs remain unmet indefinitely. The first four levels of the pyramid, which Maslow called the “deficiency needs” or “D needs,” are the ones that the individual feels anxious about if they are not met. Besides, and after, fulfilling the most basic physiological and safety needs, humans need to have a sense of social belonging. This is commonly an emotionally-based relationship. Everyone needs to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether from a large social group like cultural, professional, sports, or religious groups; or from small groups like family, partner, mentor, colleagues, and close friends. All humans need to love and be loved by others, sexually and non-sexually. When these needs are not met, and if the individual is unable to find productive ways to cope with the unmet needs, the individual may become vulnerable to a feeling of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Other symptoms may be addictions, overwork, or imbalances in any aspect of one’s life. This need for belonging can often conquer the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of peer and social pressures, and the strength of the person dealing with these pressures. An example would be a person who does not eat a healthy diet, trying to look a certain way for a feeling of belonging to, or getting approval from, a certain group. During the forth level of the pyramid, self-esteem, individuals have a need to be respected by others, learn to respect their self, and learn to respect others. At this level, humans have a need to be acknowledged, feel a sense of giving, feel accepted and self- valued, and be in a profession or hobby. Unmet needs at this level may result in low self-esteem, inferiority complexes, or an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority. At this level, there are two inner layers of esteem that have to be distinguished. The lower layer of esteem is the need people are trying to fulfill through fame, respect, and success; that is, a feeling of “being good” in the eyes of others. This is a less mature form of esteem. The higher level of esteem, on the other hand, consists of an inner sense of confidence, competence, and achievement, without the need for the approval of others...