Emily

I touched the plastic tent and softly called Emily’s name. Emily turned her head sideways and then rolled over and smiled, first lightly and then in a bright full smile. Emily said, “You are here! Does my mother know you are here?” I said, “Yes. She called me. I am so sorry that you were here and I didn’t know about it. I would have been here with you, with or without your Mother’s approval had I known.” Emily put her hand up to the plastic wall between us and I placed my hand with hers. I softly said, “Emily, I love you now and for the rest of my life.” Emily said, “I love you too and will always love you for the rest of my life, however long that may be.” I told Emily that her mother was giving her permission to love me back. Emily smiled and said, “Thank you Jeremy and thank you God.” I turned to Emily and said, you can’t give up on your treatments and healing yourself. I know that God will find a donor in time to cure you. After all, I asked him to help your Mother deal with our relationship and she called me today. God is working for us every day.” Emily smiled and said, “I hope so. Jeremy, I do want to live if living is with you. If not, then please let me die. You can tell my mother what I just said. I mean it, without you, why would I want to live? I am prepared to die, but know that I love you and will always love you.” *** I arrived at Emily’s home the next day following Emily’s discharge from the hospital. Carol had let Emily know that I was coming so she was very excited to see me. Carol had noted to herself that Emily’s eyes sparkled again. Emily told her Mother, “Thank you”. Carol then turned to Emily and said, “I still think your relationship with Jeremy is morally wrong. However, I have also seen how Jeremy looks at you and cares about you. I noticed that you seem to feel safe and confident when Jeremy is with you. I know he is protecting you as he cares for you and prays for your cure. I understand you are sick and you have expressed concerns that you might not be able to do things that other healthy kids might do later in life.” Emily asked, “What do you mean?” Emily was hoping her understanding was correct. Emily asked, “Mom, are you acknowledging that I want to experience life before I face death from my cancer?” Carol said she understood where Emily was coming from. Emily followed with her desire to experience life with me. Emily reiterated to her mother that life without me wasn’t life at all and she would rather die. Carol understood what Emily was saying to her. *** Carol then asked Emily what was important to her if she didn’t find a bone marrow donor. Emily said, “Do you mean if I am going to die? I don’t understand the question. Mom you are important to me. Jeremy is very important to me. I want to feel love and return that love to Jeremy. You know, that kind of love that pulls from the inside, is caring, caressing and cuddly. It is felt inside the heart. What do I want? I want to marry Jeremy and he has agreed that he will marry me. I want to experience physical love with Jeremy. I want to live a long, healthy life. I want a bone marrow transplant. I don’t want cancer any more. I don’t want to die. I want to be held. I want to curl up in Jeremy’s arms and have him hold me tightly like you do when you are sad and like you wished you could have done with daddy. I want to be happy. I want to try wine and beer. I want to go back to school. I want a college degree. I don’t want you angry with me or Jeremy because of our love for each other. I want a lot of things, but the most important to me is marrying Jeremy. Whether I live forever or die tomorrow, I want Jeremy as my husband. He wants me as his wife. We are committed to each other now and forever. I hope you can understand that, since my forever may be less than one month without a donor. I don’t want to die without some of these things, and particularly marriage with Jeremy. Mom, I love Jeremy more than you could ever imagine. I am safe, secure and at peace when I am with Jeremy. Knowing that I am going to marry Jeremy means hope in my eyes for now and for my future.” *** Carol asked for any other comments from either of us and we looked at each other and said, “No”. Carol, like a judge on TV, then summarized what we had said. She expressed her discomfort, but acknowledged Emily’s concern that she be permitted to experience life before she faced the real possibility of her death. Carol recognized that I brought out the sparkle in Emily’s eyes and that our marriage may be the best hope for Emily’s future. Carol said, reluctantly, that she would consent to our marriage before God and in her presence. I feel that I am compelled to give you my consent and blessing because of my love for Emily and my fear that she is dying and neither I nor Dr. Gary can do any more without a bone marrow transplant. *** Emily, I love you, now, tomorrow and forever. Jeremy, I love you, now, tomorrow and forever. We are one in being and in love always as evidenced by one blue heart and one pink heart connected by our two golden wedding rings.