The Lost Art of Romance

WHAT IS ROMANCE? Let us men ask ourselves: what is romance? Do we really know what the term means? Likely we think we do, but many women say we have no clue. Wikipedia on line defines romance as: “a. A love affair, b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love.” Romance also describes some forms of literature, music and art. As a lost art, we men need to rediscover the artful form of romancing a woman. When interviewing both men and women for this book I asked many to define the word as if they were writing a definition for the dictionary. Most men were unable to do so, but surprisingly enough many women were also unsure as to a workable definition. I would suggest that most women know it when they see it, and furthermore, many ladies are fascinated by the concept. It is my understanding that the worldwide distribution of romance novels is a business worth billions in retail sales. I have also heard that television daytime soap operas produce the profits which allow for the production of the more expensive nighttime shows which typically do not make a profit. Women do tend to speak of relationships among themselves in serious terms. It is not the more common “locker room” talk in which men often engage. Romance is indeed an art form. It should be studied and practiced. As every woman is an individual human being, each will have her own preferences. Seek them out. Even the process of discovery can be a romantic adventure in and of itself. Practice can make it perfect! I will not bore you with the many answers I received from both men and women when asked to define romance. I will, however, give you one which I received very early on and still seems to be the most appropriate. This came from a woman named Jenny who simply stated that romance from a man is “making her smile”, and there is nothing more beautiful and bright as a smile from your lady when directed at you. Discerning the term romance may be as difficult as defining love. Writers and poets have attempted to describe and quantify love for centuries with varying degrees of success. Most of us know the feeling of love when cupid slings his arrows our way, and that first flush of deep feelings you have for a lady are difficult to fathom. Unfortunately the deep infatuation and longing that first come with an unbridled passion for a woman may soon fade as familiarity and comfort grow. I think this is best. It is hard to imagine living for the rest of your life with the excitement and lust that come with a new love or first love. The human species would be very unproductive indeed were we to keep this passion throughout the years. It would be nice, but hardly practical. I am speaking as a man, and most men have responsibilities to work, provide and protect those whom we love, as women have equally important tasks of their own. In The Love Dare book, the authors speak of love as a choice we may make following the overwhelming early stages of love. We choose to love someone when the deep feelings have tempered in their intensity. Romancing your lady is a choice you can make. I do not pretend in any manner to understand the depths of a woman’s heart, but I believe that certain observations can be made. I know much of what follows may be offensive to some women. You have my apologies if you are offended, but what I say is not meant to be derogatory, but complimentary, and this book is truly intended for men. Many little girls are raised on the Cinderella concept. Most will have seen the Walt Disney movie very early in their lives and are thus indoctrinated with the idea of a Prince Charming sweeping them off their feet to live happily ever after. Indeed their mothers want them to marry this Prince Charming and often groom them to do so. After all, the mother failed to marry the prince, and both men and women often relive their lives vicariously through their children and want the very best for them. Dad wants the son to score the touchdown now that he is too old to do so. This is natural. Unfortunately, none of us men are or will ever be prince, but we might learn to be charming and romantic. It is also possible, however, that a man can become this prince for his lady, at least in her mind. Most women, by design, are nurturing and love the very notion of love and hence romance. I am no expert in love, having been “in love” only a limited number of times, but my observations tell me that a woman’s love for a man is more giving, more passionate, more unconditional, and stronger than most men are capable of experiencing. Steve Harvey says it well in his book Act Like a Lady – Think Like a Man. We men have three issues with which we express love. Profess, provide and protect. Read his book for an explanation. Mr. Harvey does, however, examine an overriding issue which initiates and causes a continuation of the courting of a woman by a man. The “Cookie”. This is what the woman possesses and the man wants. He contends that this cookie is what causes a man to begin talking to a strange woman and what he is seeking in an initial encounter. I will not dispute Mr. Harvey, and it is hoped that you understand what he means by the “Cookie”. Most women understand this is what the man is seeking, but tend to ignore the fact with their Cinderella mindset. I would, therefore, ask men to look deeper into a woman’s character, soul and mind. Having experienced the “one night stand” in my youth, I would ask all men to honestly evaluate the experience. Did it leave you feeling as empty as I felt? Were the hours of effort worth the 8 seconds? In my experience making love is much more fulfilling than just having sex. When dating, in both love and sex a woman is giving of herself to the man. A man is merely in a position to take from her and sometimes justifies it with a dinner and a movie, or a few drinks at the bar. Do not take from a lady. What she gives means more to her heart and soul than the brief pleasure you have in the taking. It has been said that men trade affection for sex, while a woman trades sex for affection. This is not to say that sex is not important to woman. A recent scientific study indicates that a woman in orgasm almost totally blocks all other sensory inputs to her brain while a man does not. There is great intensity in sex for a woman, but it appears to be as much or more mental than it is physical. Romance is a huge part of the mental, and she will need it all of her life. Love your lady before you take from her. Romance your lady with sincerity, with passion, and with your heart, and she will give more than you could ever imagine taking.