Love To The Last Breath

Later that day – at the seniors’ residence.

“Hi, Mom! I’m here and I brought the friend I was telling you about.”
“Hi, Jeffy!”
“Jeffy!?”
“That’s what she calls me.”
“Hi, Mrs. Schiller. What is your name?”
“My name is Elizabeth.”
“Lulabelle!?”
“No, Mom. Elizabeth.”
“Lulabeth!?”
“No, Mom. Just call her Lizzy.”
“Sissy!?”
“No. Lizzy!”
“Mrs. Schiller, I brought you some cookies I baked myself.”
“Do they have prunes.”
“I don’t need prunes. I’m already regulated.”
“They don’t have prunes, Mrs. Schiller. They have chocolate chips.”
“Mom, I had some today they are very good.”
“Since when do you need prunes?”
“Mom, they don’t have prunes!”
“Okay then, thank you very much. I don’t want to eat them now. I will have them later with some tea. Now, I want to talk.”
“Oy vey! Watch out.”
“Jeffy, you told me she was a brunette.”
“No, Mom, I told you she was a blond.”
“Jeffy, you told me she was tall.”
No, Mom, I told you she was average height.”
“Jeffy, you told me she was ugly.”
“Mom! I never told you that. I told you she was beautiful.”
“Then maybe you must have meant another girl.”
“Mom, I have never talked to you about any other girl before, and from all the girls I have went out with, this is the first one I brought for you to meet.”
“It’s about time. …You’re a real beauty queen.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Schiller.”
“Come, Sissy, sit beside me.”
“Mom, it’s Lizzy.”
“Missy?”
“No, Sissy – I mean Lizzy. Mom, now you have me mixed up.”
“Give me your hand to hold, dear.”
“It’s very soft. You don’t wash too many dishes do you?”
“Mom, her parents have a dishwasher.”
“Jeffy, what did I tell you? A dishwasher makes you lazy.”
“Yes, Mom. I know.”
“Are you a natural blond?”
“Mom!”
“Yes, I am.”
“Jeffy, you have to know this, because if the hair is not real blond, then maybe other parts of the body are not real.”
“Oh, Mom!”
“Do you like my Jeffy?”
“Yes, I do, very much.”
“This is good.”
“Can you cook? Because my Jeffy likes to eat.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Jeffy, this is good. Can you make chocolate cake?”
“Yes, I can.”
“With icing or without icing?”
“Both.”
“Jeffy this is very good. My Jeffy likes chocolate cake.”
“I know.”
“Jeffy, why don’t you buy her some jewelry for her hand?”
“I will, Mom.”
“Now tell me, what do you do?”
“I work as a legal secretary in Jeffy’s – I mean Jeff’s office.”
“This is good.”
“If you marry my Jeffy, can you make me a grandmother?”
“Mom!”
“Yes, I can.”
“Jeffy this is good, now we know all her body parts work.”
“Oh, Mom. I’m so embarrassed.”
“When you get pregnant…”
“Mom!”
“What Jeffy? She has to know certain things.”
“When you get pregnant, quit your job, stay at home, look after yourself, look after the baby, and look after the house. My Jeffy will support you. He can afford it.”
“Thank you for the advice, Mrs. Schiller.”
“I’m getting so embarrassed.”
“Jeffy, what is there to be embarrassed about? Maybe you should go take a walk down the hall.”
“No, Mom, I’m staying right here.”
“Okay, Jeffy. …Now tell me, dear, when is the wedding?”
“Mom, we’re not even engaged yet!”
“What are you waiting for, Jeff? Not every day do you find such a beauty queen like this one.”
“Mom, we only met a few weeks ago.”
“Jeffy, don’t wait too long. Will you invite me to the wedding?”
“Mom, you don’t have to get invited, you’re my mother, you just come.”
“How will I know where it is and how will I get there?”
“I’ll pick you up.”
“Jeffy, you will be too busy that day.”
“Mom, I’ll send a taxi for you. Just be ready.”
“Okay, Jeffy. I will wait.”
“Mom, it’s almost time for supper. Lizzy and I will walk you to the dining room.”
“You know, I don’t like the food.”
“Here we go!”
“What’s wrong with it, Mrs. Schiller?”
“The cook doesn’t know how to cook.”
“Mom, why don’t you show him how?”
“Why should I give him my secrets? I’ll do the work and he will sit back and smoke like a puritz and get paid for it. Now, if they give me the job, then I’ll do it.”
“Mom, they won’t give you the job. You’re not strong enough anymore.”
“Jeffy, I have more energy than that young schnook of a cook does.”