The Schizo N' Me

About the Book

Being queried under IV Pentothal the catatonic schizophrenic Doofers tells of his world with a dysfunctional family, which he and his twin brother were bastardize into.

When not in the hospital, the cataleptic was used as a scarecrow, as a atrium hall-tree, as a dummy for bridge, as a yarn holder, and if nothing else was pressing, he was stuck in a closet with grandpa, who was on hold for burial. Doofers interprets reality with a plethora of imaginary characters. There are frequent encounters with a perverted marionette, mixed with amphibian lore, gnomes, smorgasbords, and much burial chicanery.

While in the service, the brother with a malignant form of leprosy, picks up kuru and boogies out of camp. Following his MIA notice, is the unceremonious arrival of an oblong box. The schizophrenic Doofers' reality becomes unhinged and he becomes an identical twin onto himself.

With worsening of symptoms, the Doofers entertains a flirtatious encounter with paranoia by dispatching the family. With his pseudo-twin, the id takes a piecemeal approach of polishing him off until all that is left is a talking head. By now the outside forces are so overwhelming, that the only answer is an oblique escape into the inevitable.

During cardiac arrest, the cataleptic Doofers is left in limbo following the failed CPR. His life stumbles before him until he finally has come a cropper. Yet, this can not be pragmatically so, unless the Doofers' aberrations are accepted as being more than pure fantasy.

About the Author

Frogs are frogs, and toads are toads, but never the frog shall toad. With that in mind, Ernie Kahnapotsky left Bedlam. Just another nut on the loose! Ernie did leave behind his memoirs. They were purloined by his erratic ex-roommate. The latter penned said memoirs, ditto throughout, and rather than use his own name, Torsades de Pointes, he used a pseudonym, Ernie Kahnapotsky. Not much is known about Torsades, because he was French and nobody really cared. However, Ernie was in the spotlight (it was blue and flashing), so he left the country and went to Europe for his health.

In England, Ernie painted a bunch of kumquats green, and sold them to the Admiralty as limes. The deception was found out when scurvy broke out aboard HMS Cockney Squire. It seems the squash just wasn't cricket. Ernie is wanted by Scotland Yard.

In France, Ernie's "entrepreneuring" was short-lived. He had fastened springs to All-day-suckers and sold them to crippled frogs to use as pogo sticks. The frogs were not only "pogoing" up and down the Champs Elysées, but mooning the tourist under the Arc de Triomphe. Even by French standards, that sort of behavior was too risqué. Because of this, Ernie's "entrepreneur-ship" was torpedoed. He was spirited away by the gendarmes.

Today his whereabouts is unknown. It is rumored that he is being detained in the Bastille. The only prisoner incarcerated there since the Inquisition. Well, even though the dungeon is dark and rank, at least he wont freckle.