The Dynamics of Powerful Parenting

About the Book

The Dynamics of Powerful Parenting is a book about power, the power held by a parent to shape the development of a child, and the power of a child to either accept or reject those efforts.

Often, when things are not working well for parents with their children, they will continue doing the same things, yet with ever more vigor. Usually, the result will be more of the same, only worse. A secret to understanding the dynamics of many human behaviors lies in the paradox of the Chinese Finger Puzzle (aka: Chinese Handcuff). The Chinese finger puzzle is a tube woven from bamboo shoots that is several inches long and about the diameter of a person's fingers; true to its nature, the tube will narrow as its ends are pulled. Thus, when the tube is slipped over the ends of fingers or thumbs on opposing hands, the subject's efforts to pull his or her fingers apart are met with increasing resistance from the device.

So it is with much of being human. The thing that people wish to avoid most is the very thing that results from their efforts to do so.

Dynamics is a book written with this paradox in mind. It is a book of insights about parenting that turns upside down many of the things that are currently held dear in "traditional" parenting efforts. It is a book that downplays the use of punishment, but never overlooks the need for discipline and responsibility. Dynamics encourages parents to think about what they are doing, how they are doing it, and what are they are experiencing as a result, then provides useful tools for changing undesired outcomes. It is a book that can produce positive results that will benefit generations yet unborn.

About the Author

Ray Messer was raised on a small farm in southwestern Pennsylvania during the final boom years of the coal and steel industries in that part of the world. His mother was a stay-at-home mom and his father worked as an equipment operator and foreman in the heavy construction and blacktop paving trades. His parents are both living and have been married for 57 years.

Ray graduated from college in 1972 with a teaching degree in Chemistry and taught for six years in the public schools of western Pennsylvania. At the age of twenty-six he decided upon a career change and moved to Dayton, OH to enter the Methodist ministry. As a student of a Methodist seminary, a twist of fate landed him in a college work-study position at a mental health center in Dayton where he found his niche as a therapist working with adolescents. Later, his scope of practice increased to include treatments for children through adults.

His personal life reflects the journey of a man who was beset by a spate of early failures (primarily in the realm of intimate relationships), followed by a conscious recovery effort that spanned about fifteen years. Today, he is married to his second wife, Nancy (since 1986), and has a full-time private psychotherapy practice in Kettering, OH. He has two daughters, two granddaughters, and two adult step sons with whom is friends.

This book is his first attempt to codify what he has learned as husband, father and psychotherapist.