Beautiful Faces Behind Bleeding Hearts

About the Book

Beautiful Faces Behind Bleeding Hearts is designed for people of color. It shares my life experience as a twelve-year military wife as well as a devoted wife of twenty-three years. I share my life as I traveled the world. I share my experience of living in Hawaii and Germany. My book is tasteful, knowledgeable and full of inspiring truths. It is about my broken heart and disappointments of a man who served eleven and a half years in the armed forces and then decided he no longer wanted this life without considering the effect it would have on his wife and children. I devoted myself totally to him and his career, while putting all my dreams on the back burner. I wanted to be the perfect military wife, dedicated to him, my beautiful daughter and the lifestyle of the military. I felt safe and secure with that lifestyle. After the fact I was devastated and crushed when he got out. My biggest fear was what to do next. How are we going to live? He got out with no job lined up. Although we had a small financial bonus, life looked bleak for me. It was the only life I had known since high school. I never had to work. I lived in the finest places, wore the finest clothes and drove the finest cars. Life was great in that aspect. We ended up starting al over again living in places I hated and being on a tight budget. The adjustment was hard on my daughter and I. We also had to deal with his attitude adjustments, which was not easy. I felt he knew he had made a big mistake by getting out, but his ego and pride would not allow him to admit it. I begged and pleaded with him to go back in, yet he refused. Six months after his resignation I could not deal with the situation any longer. I decided we needed to separate; I wanted the life back that I felt he had taken from me and my child. I ended up moving into a small studio and got myself a job working as a cashier. I hated it, but I wanted to stand on my own. I also worked at a day care, so for six months I had two jobs. I had my son with me during the day at the day care and my mother watched them both while I worked as a cashier at night. My heart was breaking because I felt like I was neglecting my children. After about a year, we reunited. By then he had a good job with a great company. I realized it was better for my childrenÕs sake; they needed both parents and the security that comes with it. As you read my book you will find it is fascinating and you will learn of my disappointments, ups and downs, turmoil, infidelity and finally the breaking down of the marriage. You will also learn of my struggle after I left for good and went on to a life of soaring endeavors, peace and happiness. With God's help and prayers I succeeded in raising my son, who graduated with honors, and a beautiful daughter who through it all. L.T. graduated, with honors, as well and went on to be a role model of ten years for the Air Force. My loving daughter and son have been my backbone through trying times. Because of the love we share, the bond between us kept us strong and together. Life is full of surprises! But faith in your creator will override any obstacles in your path. My choice offers a ray of hope, healing and progress to enable one to release the past anger and hurt in order to soar to a life of new endeavors, success, individuality, respect and integrity.

Live, love and trust...Zor
Live for yourself,
Live for today,
And experience you have learned
Share it with other.

By Shirl Harris

About the Author

I am the daughter born to a British/Bahamian father and an American mother. I was raised with a family of ten siblings, four girls and six boys. Though we had a large family, my parents worked very hard to provide for us. I traveled a lot as a child and once my dad s contracting job was over we moved to Sarasota, FL. He would go wherever there was work in order to keep providing for us. We eventually ended up in a small town that I hated, so I graduated and got married. Six months later I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter. Eight months after that I was living in my dream world, Hawaii. I had the opportunity to travel the world and meet people of all nationalities. It served to be beneficial and educational for me. While in Hawaii, I was given the opportunity to go to New York to model. I refused the offer because I could not see leaving my baby behind. I always had big dreams and goals, but being a mother, my daughter came first. As you can see I was a loving and caring person who put others needs before my own. Living in Hawaii was the highlight of my life. I was just so excited and thrilled about being in such a beautiful part of the world. I was a little fearful at first because it was foreign and I did not know anyone. As time passed I met my best friend, another military wife. We bonded and became very close. Once I settled in and learned the island, I was content and never wanted to leave. Though it was one of my favorite places in the world, my wall came tumbling down when my ex refused to do another three year tour in Hawaii. Instead he was itching to get to Korea. I was very proud to be a military spouse. I enjoyed that environment as well as the excitement of traveling. The military was never a problem for me, he became the problem. Before my ex came into my life, my dream was to graduate, leave home and become an airline stewardess and perhaps do some modeling. Consequently, he came along and my life took a totally different path. I intended to be a mother, but not six months after I graduated. Actually, I was trying to run away from raising babies. Being the oldest daughter, a lot of responsibility was put on me as early as age ten. My mother seemed to have gotten pregnant almost every year. I was always rocking a sister, brother or changing diapers, etc. when my siblings started school, I had the task of ironing a week supply of clothing for everyone including my dad s under clothes. I did this all the way through high school. Can you imagine having to iron for seven, eight or nine people every week? On top of that at age twelve I began cooking for the family as well as doing the chores around the house. I always resented the fact that my mother put all the burden on me. Ironically, when my sisters got old enough to help out, she still made me continue doing everything alone. As a child I always felt like a step child. She always seemed to have resentment towards me. It was not until I became an adult when I figured it out. I put the puzzle together! She had an older son that she visited every summer. Around the age of ten, this son always manage to manipulate me away from the rest of my siblings. We had always ended up beneath the big house, under his bed or behind a large chair. I can remember the first time he kissed me, fondled me, etc. this went on until I was thirteen. One day as my mother, father and grandpa returned from town, she caught us playing around, or doing something we should have not been doing. Next thing I knew, she began yelling at me, saying that she did not ever want to catch me playing with those boys, (which were my brothers) she said I was a fast ass. This son was never able to visit us at our home. However, my father took her every summer to see her son, right up to my tenth grade year. I figured my parents knew what the step son was doing. They chose to keep it hush hush. She shifted the blame on me as if it was my fault. My father was a man that loved all children. I thought it was strange that the rest of the families children were able to visit us but not him. He visited us once and he was an adult. My grandmother hated me with a passion, maybe because she got stuck with raising the son. It explains my mother s resentment towards me all those years. By the time I was born, I already had three older brothers so who else was I suppose to play with. I also believe this was the reason for her resentment towards my father. Being the kind of man dad was, he could not allow the step son to live in the house with us in fear that I could have gotten pregnant at an early age. This certainly would have caused humiliation and disgrace for the family. It was not until I was an adult that I understood why my father always preached that there should never be incest in the family. For years, as we were growing up, he stressed this. As a child I never really understood why, but I managed to figure it all out. I had suppressed this for many years and never got straight answers from my mother. I even asked her why grandmother hated me so much. Her response was, looked like my father and grandma saw him as a foreigner. However, it was more to this picture that met the eye. I thank God I figured it out for myself. It also explains why a lot of things went on the way it did as I was growing up. All I ever wanted was answers so that I could have closure to why I was treated differently than my other siblings. I am just an out going, loving and caring person who appreciates and loves life.

Though I have no wings, in my heart I soar like an eagle.
Though true love evaded me for many years, my eyes have cried rivers of tears, experience teaches us trails and errors.
Wisdom grows us up and prepares us for new endeavors.
I know and believe that God illuminates my pathway.
He inspires, directs and governs me in all of my undertakings.
He reveals to me the answers to all things I need to know.
I have decided to move pass the suffering and incontinences that destiny set before me.
My motto: Live, Love and Happiness. Love yourself first, live for today. The experience you learn share it with others.
Always remember that bleeding hearts do heal eventually, someday.