Downhill from the Projects

We walked into Jimmy’s living room, Pete pushed me down onto a chair, and said “sit down” I just looked at him, I was a bit shocked. He pulled out a gun and pressed it to the side of my head. He began telling me the things he doesn’t like about me, he went on for a solid five minutes. I couldn’t hear his words at one point just his voice. All I could do was think, I sat frozen; I could feel my brother Jimmy watching, but I couldn’t look his way. My heart was beating. It figures, I had such a wonderful time with Michelle and now I get to pay with my life? Was she a departing gift? Was this the plan for my life? His speech was given in a manner as if he were a judge sentencing me to death. And when he gave his final words he pulled the trigger. I didn’t hear a blast, I didn’t feel pain, and I thought this is it? This is what I was worried about? It’s not bad at all… I feel fine. A smile came over my face…I looked up and noticed Pete appeared to be frightened. I can’t tell what he saw in my face. But, he was afraid of it. So I grabbed a hold of the moment, and shouted, so loud my lungs vibrated in my chest if you ever hold a fuckin’ gun to my head again it better be fuckin’ loaded! They were both surprised from that. I never even talk back. They knew they were only having fun with me. I really thought my life was over. There is a big difference. Jimmy is nothing to me now as far as I am concerned! I will tell John and Dad, but does that make me a pussy or a rat? I wondered. If it were loaded, I’d be a dead pussy rat. Fuck them, this is my time and it should be as good as I can make it. I don’t seem to have as much life enjoyment as these drug addicts. I called John and told him. He called Dad the end result was… Dad is going to go one on one with Pete. Jimmy told Dad he didn’t know that was going to happen. And he wasn’t sure if the gun was real. - Obvious bullshit -