BALANCE

The intro … I told my wife I thought it was time for me to write a book. She asked, “What about?” I told her I wasn’t quite sure yet, but I’ve seen a lot of stuff – good and bad. And through those experiences, I think I have some knowledge I could pass on to others that could possibly benefit them. That’s really it. She then asked me, “So what are you going to call it?” I replied with, “Who cares?” I’ll figure that out later. I told her I’d think I’d call it “No BS”… which could mean a couple of things. The first one is pretty obvious: no bullshit. You should know now that I have a tendency to occasionally use vulgarity. If that offends you, stop reading now. I won’t be dropping the f-bomb in this book. I may be thinking it, but I won’t put it in print (you know, for the kids’ sake.) But I once had someone I admire tell me that when I’m trying to be politically correct, I’m really “obtuse.” After I went back to my desk and realized he wasn’t calling me an angle – the only time I’d heard that word was back in high school math – I got pissed. Of course, he just wanted me to speak my mind in meetings, not use vulgarity. But I’ve taken the creative liberty to do both. Oh yeah, my other meaning for “No BS” means “No Borders Society.” But you can read about that one later. Anyway, that little rant should give you a feel for how the rest of this book is going to go. I tell stories inside of other stories. But just when you think I’ve gone way off track, I’ll bring it back. Trust me. Here’s something else you should know. I’m writing this book like I like to read, because something is wrong if I can’t tolerate reading my own book. So here’s the deal. You should be able to read most of the following chapters as their own independent stories. Why? Because I do my best reading on the toilet. It really frustrates me when I don’t want to put down a book but I’m forced to because my legs have fallen asleep and I’ve been done pooping for 30 minutes. I also picked this format because my mind flies around at a ridiculous speed. I talk fast and switch topics frequently. I have a lot to say and plenty of people to entertain, wear out or annoy. I also don’t think I have enough knowledge about any one subject to warrant an entire book. So if you are looking for 200 pages of tight content with twists and turns that require you to analyze each page, I’d suggest using this book to prop up that shaky leg on your couch. If you want to be entertained in short doses and hopefully can benefit from a few of the things I have to say, then read on. Oh yeah, back to that title. As you know if you read the cover, I’ve decided on “Balance.” I thought the title would come to me later as I wrote this thing, but I’ve determined “balance” is the key to me living a productive life. I’m not saying it is for you, but it is for me. I may have to call Van Halen to see if they are OK with it, because I admit that I borrowed it from an old album of theirs. I was a Sammy Hagar Van Halen fan, by the way. But anyway, that “balance” theme will find its way into just about every story in the coming pages. You will also see a recurring character throughout various parts of this book. It’s a guy I know who has battled bipolar disorder off and on over the past 15 years. If anyone needs balance in his life, it’s this dude. I like him though, and he tells a good story. OK, I’ll end the suspense – it’s me. My original plan was to tell my entire story in third person about my friend “Ron,” only to reveal at the end that the character was really me. But that’s been done before, so I’ll just tell you up front. I’m bipolar. (Insert daunting music here.) In fact, I actually began writing this book when I was on the manic side of the disease. So as you read this you may find some points where I sound really self-righteous. I was pretty manic during those parts as I wrote from a stream of consciousness usually at 3 or 4 a.m. Now that I’m back to healthy and level, I thought about going back and rewriting some of those parts. But that’s the whole point, right? I want people to see how I’m thinking when I’m manic and hopefully others who are dealing with bipolar can relate and feel some comfort that others deal with the same demons. Anyway, I’ll use my experiences, opinions and issues with bipolar to make my points. And like I said, maybe I can help someone out there with similar issues. I’ll balance the serious story with some lighthearted stuff I’ll throw in between. So buckle up folks, and prepare to enter the warped circus of my mind. And make sure you wipe after you finish up what you’ve been doing. (Oh yeah, I like poop jokes too.) For those who would like to read my rants only or at least start with them, go to the following chapters: 1-3, 5-7, 9-11, 16 and 18-21. If you’d like to follow my story of battling with bipolar only, go to these chapters: 4, 8, 12-15, 17 and 22-27. Yes, I bounce back and forth all over the place. Remember I’m bipolar. (That’s a joke, of course.)