AFTER THIS, NO MORE COMPROMISING

“No Clue”

“COMPROMISE NOT,” are the words that have been shut up in me since February 6, 2005. Th is two word message that appears to be so small and minute in comparison to others; was and is again; like fi re shut up in my bones! It’s an urgency that I have in my spirit to not compromise and to share with others the revelation that God gave me through my experiences. From February until maybe about the second week of November, I stood on this word. I wouldn’t budge a little bit if I did not think that God was telling me to. Th is caused trouble in my social life. Folks misunderstood me. Th ey didn’t understand that I didn’t want to be just another churchgoer, but I wanted to truly exemplify Christ. Something happened that shifted my focus though and I began to lower my standard. I became weary in my well doing and I BEGAN to uncomfortably COMPROMISE. I had just started attending college again for the second time, deciding to start over as a freshman. Th is was a hard thing for me because I should have been preparing for graduation soon. However, that was not the case. I had to start over.

Flash back with me for a minute please. When I fi rst attended college it was immediately after high school; 2002. I was eighteen years old telling myself that I knew who I was and where I was going. I thought everything was lovely. I had no real worries; not yet; not outside of me still being in love with my fi rst love. Reality had not sat in. Th ere I was an eighteen year old freshman in college. I was pretty, smart and in pretty good shape because I had been a basketball player since the age of six. Again, I thought I knew who I was and where I was going. I’m telling you, that was the furthest thing from the truth. I had a low self-esteem for as long as I can remember, but on the outside you would not have known it. I wasn’t your average person that had a low self-esteem. I was not the one that wasn’t going to laugh, talk or dance. I wasn’t going to be shut up in a shell somewhere because I did not feel good about me, but I mingled. I interacted with everyone. I faced the part of me that I was insecure about on the inside behind closed doors. Sometimes, it was done silently and sometimes out loud through my actions. I messed up terribly in my academics and things had begun to get really bad. I was walking around with issues. I mean, I was bothered and the people closest to me didn’t even know. Th ey were not even aware of the things that I was battling in my mind and in my heart. It was then that the truth was made real to me. I had no clue as to who I was, and the opinions of the people confused me even more. So there I was, sitting in the college classrooms; there in presence, but absent in mind and spirit. I was going back and forth through my mind wondering, WHO AM I REALLY? I DID NOT have a terrible childhood. I had one of the best mothers that God created. I never had a consistent father fi gure, but growing up it really didn’t bother me. It wasn’t until around this time, that I felt the eff ects of not having a consistent positive male fi gure in my life. I have an older brother, but he wasn’t always the best example before me. See, we grew up in the projects and unfortunately, my brother became a victim to our surroundings. Good dude, but made a lot of bad decisions.

I wish that I knew then, what I know right now; that God created us all for a purpose, with a purpose. Growing up, there were three of us; my brother, my sister and me. We like countless others didn’t walk around with this knowledge. Knowing that we were created for so much more than what we were seeing and hearing could have made the diff erence. I know that if I would have known that I was created a queen before even becoming a female in the physical form and that God was going to prepare for me a king who would fi nd me, I would have probably waited before looking. I would have waited because according to the word of God, my husband is going to fi nd me and not the other way around.

I know that if my brother knew earlier in his life, while growing up in the projects, that God created him in his image and likeness and gave him power and authority and dominion over all the earth, he would have never thought about calling himself God, but he might have taken pleasure in knowing that he was a god. He just was not the all-powerful God. See my brother at this point in his life chose to be affi liated with this religious group called the fi ve presenters. Th e name refl ects the belief that ten percent of the people of the world know the truth of existence and those elites opt to keep eighty fi ve percent of the world in ignorance and under their controlling thumb. Th e remaining percentage is those who know the truth and are determined to enlighten the rest and they are the fi ve percent nation. Th is is what he considered to be the truth, but maybe if he knew that God said he would make his name great and that he would supply every need, my brother would not have been walking around the city building up his reputation; so that his street name might be known. He probably would not have hustled so needs could be met. If he knew the truth about his purpose, then maybe, just maybe he would have chosen another path. Maybe we all would have! What’s my point? I say all of this for one specifi c reason; there are many people; young and old, that do not know that they are created with a purpose. If they do know, they don’t know what the purpose is. Th erefore, nine times out of ten we are compromising. Compromise not, these two words that have been shut up in me for six years is about to be birthed out in the following chapters.

As you read this story about a girl on a journey to become a woman made whole, you will fi nd her in a pattern of relationships, where she conveniently compromises, believing that her compromising will land her great rewards, but instead each time she pays a great price with her life being altered. Th ere were four diff erent guys, an uncountable amount of bad decisions, one woman, and her freedom that awaits her at the end. Th is book is designed to empower, to encourage, to motivate and to convince someone to break loose from the chains of compromise that steals from us every time we compromise what God doesn’t want us to.

(Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th e_Nation_of_Gods_and_Earths)

NOTE: IF AT ANY POINT WHILE READING THIS BOOK, IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE IN A CHAOTIC PLACE IN YOUR MIND, BECAUSE THE STORY APPEARS TO HAVE YOU ALL OVER THE PLACE- ITS BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE I WAS IN THESE MOMENTS. ALL OVER THE PLACE!!