DUNG IN MY FOXHOLE
A SOLDIER'S ACCOUNT OF THE IRAQ WAR, AND HIS POST WAR STRUGGLES WITH INJURY AND PTSD THRU POETRY
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The toughest of men, the “badest of the bad,” those who fear nothing more than defeat, achieve their victories in part because they do not forget their Creator, and seek his presence as they do battle, to free the oppressed, and for the good of humanity. -Gordon Ewell How would you describe the magnificent array of colors in a brilliant sunset, to one who has never had sight? How to relate the sweet taste of sugar to one that has never tasted it? Could you explain the beautiful smell of a rose to someone who could not smell? How then does a Soldier let go of, or explain rather, the trauma experienced in war to someone who has never seen, tasted, or smelled the trauma of an intense meeting with the enemy? How does a soldier begin to explain the traumatic sight of an enemy bullet piercing the face of his “Battle Buddy,” and blowing the back of his head off? Or the deal with the trauma of witnessing an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) detonating and blowing a “brothers” legs off? How to explain the taste of blood, sweat, sand and tears mixed together as they have streaked down your face and are tasted on cracked lips? Is it possible to relate the smell of gunpowder escaping a weapon as it ejects hot, spent rounds of brass; or the smell of explosive ordinance, as mortar shells, or rockets explode nearby? How about the smell of burning hair after a fireball has rolled over a vehicle one is inside of; or the smell of an abdominal wound, as one feverishly tries to save the life of a comrade; or the smell of death? x Any one of these events alone is traumatizing as a single event. Now imagine them all rolled together collectively as one single experience! One single intense fire-fight! Imagine a year of experiencing not just one, but many of these experiences. Imagine knowing every single day it was a possibility… every single day! "Again" Again I see that blinding light Feel the air get sucked out of my chest and lungs Feel the heat of an intense fireball Hear the sound of thunder louder than Artillery guns Like a rag doll with no control Once again I am tossed about I try to shout out a “Status” For a moment no sound comes out Pounding in my head clear down to my toes The deafening ringing in my ears The smell of burning hydraulic hose Again the smell of burning hair And one more bloody nose Once again that shooting pain Running down my neck and spine Like a current of high voltage electricity It doesn’t feel so very fine In fact it hurts like Hell and it gets worse every time Again the flash of panic As I wonder about my crew With all the smoke inside, I cannot even see my driver I need to verify that they are all ok too Once again the sounds of bullets That comes from Enemy guns Disabled my vehicle is their target now It isn’t any fun Once again I was just “Blown-Up” By an Enemy Improvised Explosive Device A hazard of being a “Bomb Hunter” That just isn’t very nice But that is my mission That is the job I do If that bomb detonated on any other vehicle It would have killed at least one Soldier maybe two The rest of the patrol swiftly executes a Battle Drill” Rehearsed both in hot blazing suns and dark of night They are executed flawlessly, as they join the firefight Now the Enemy is on the run, quickly taking flight The hazards of being a “Bomb Hunter” They are dangerous for sure But knowing lives were spared tonight Will make my personal pain worth suffering for “Demons” My demons come, and then they go Where they go, I do not know I know the date that they begun It makes me mad, when at night they come I know they will stay, ‘til the morning sun It makes my nights long and not much fun It is at night they want to play That is why I sleep at day If sleep at all, will come my way It is very rare, even during the day I know they will be out again tonight So again I prepare for another fight My battle won’t be won With a knife or with a gun I can only fight back with head and heart So with my pen I have to start To write things down, to make them run Back to the HELL, that they came from It is a battle that must be won Fighting it sure won’t be fun I cannot continue to dodge the night I must close my eyes and sleep to win this fight It surly will be mighty hard To face my demons in their own “backyard” The nightmares I must let them come If I want to see my demons on the run When they come into my head I’ll write them on a pad kept by my bed Yes, I will write them down and make them run Back to the HELL that they came from Upon the Stairs I met a man upon the stairs But when I looked, he wasn’t there He wasn’t there again today Oh how I wish he’d go away He follows me from room to room I’ve no place to roam that is not his own I yell at him Words he can’t hear Words that won’t hurt him He won’t shed a tear This makes me angry, I yell some more I wish than man would find the door Get the hell out of here Bother me no more Yet in my heart I know he’s here to stay You see this man can’t go away This man couldn’t leave If leave he tried Knowing this tears me up inside God knows I have no place to hide No place to run to escape his prying eyes I am exhausted Too tired now to care or even cry Yes it tears me up inside I met a man upon the stairs Oh how I wish he wasn’t there He wasn’t there again today Oh God I wish he would go away
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About the Book
Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) are
the enemy’s weapon of choice in Iraq, and
to date they are the number-one killer of
Coaliti on forces on the batt lefi eld. Their
ever-increasing sophisti cati on is a challenge
but not an insurmountable one.
Generally speaking, IEDs are roadside bombs
that threaten our Soldiers and logisti cal
convoys taking much-needed supplies to
them.
Master Sergeant Ewell, a Combat Engineer,
and Expert in the Tacti cs and Techniques
the Enemy was using in Iraq to assemble,
disguise and detonate IEDs, became one
of the fi rst two Soldiers ever to make up a
special team, who’s mission was vital in the
fi ght to fi nd and render safe the Improvised
Explosive Devices, before they could unleash
their deadly force upon other Soldiers,
Convoys, and the local traffi c of Iraqi civilian
commuters.
In Iraq, he performed 59 dangerous missions,
co-authored a “fi rst of its kind” manual used
for the training of special teams that would
have the mission of fi nding IEDs, was “Blownup”
six diff erent ti mes and saved countless
lives. A recipient of the Bronze Star and the
Purple Heart Medal.
This is a powerful account of his experience
during War, and his Post-War struggles with
Severe Injuries and PTSD thru Poetry.
About the Author
From Master Sergeant (MSG) Gordon L Ewell's initial entry into Military Service, his superiors recognized his outstanding initiative and a deep care for his fellow Soldiers. He has been recognized as one who would do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission, or help a fellow Soldier in need. His 24 year career has been marked with distinction through notable accomplishments. MSG Ewell has attended numerous courses to sustain his military proficiency. He has graduated from over 30 Army Resident Schools, graduating as the Honor Graduate, or in the top 10% of his class, from nearly every one of them. He has completed, with a “Superior” rating, over 1,000 hours of Army Correspondence Training. Additionally, he earned an Associate of Science degree in April of 1999.
During his service in Iraq, MSG Ewell performed 59 challenging and dangerous missions, which involved both the coordination of Convoy Route Clearance and Route Clearance Observation missions, based upon his knowledge and expertise in these areas. MSG Ewell was vital in the creation of the first Route Clearance Handbook, and was further recognized by the Corps staff as the Multi-National Corps “Subject Matter Expert,” in Route Clearance. His lessons learned in Iraq have been published in many Army periodicals.
MSG Ewell led over 33% of the missions he was on in Iraq. He was recognized by his superiors to be unparalleled in his physical stamina and toughness complemented with superior technical and tactical capabilities. This was clearly demonstrated on the battlefield when his efforts under heavy enemy fire were unrivaled, which earned him a Bronze Star Medal, the Purple Heart Medal, and the Combat Action Badge.
During his Combat Missions, on six separate occasions, a vehicle he was in was blown-up by Improvised Explosive Devices (IED’s).
One of the explosions was so powerful that it blew impacted wisdom teeth out the side of his jaw. In addition to major jaw damage, he suffers from broken vertebrae in his neck, damage to his lower spine, permanent loss of hearing (leaving him legally deaf), anatomical loss of his right eye, and peripheral/bi-lateral vision loss in his left eye, leaving him legally blind. He has a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), Neurologic Bladder, loss of balance, an abnormal gait, and is fighting to overcome Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
MSG Ewell returned from combat duty in December 2006, and assigned to the 640th Regiment (Regional Training Institute). Because of the severity of his combat injuries, he was Medically Retired in February 2010.
Today, he continues to serve with distinction, as a Member of the Blue Star Riders, as a Volunteer at the George E. Wahlen V.A. Hospital in Salt Lake City, with the Veterans of Foreign Wars, the Disabled American Veterans, and the American Legion.
The retired Master Sergeant and his wife currently reside in Eagle Mountain, Utah.