I'm Feelin' Kinda Gassy

"While driving home that night I knew somethin' just weren't right We're all in for a long ride, a long ride home tonight My innards were unnerving feeling all those wiggles Then I started burping and felt some bubbly jiggles." "Pucker up, boy 'cause we're gonna kiss, Don't play coy, do it like this. Let our lips come together in sweet wonderful bliss, Pucker up, boy get ready for my kiss." "Being examined with soft gentle hands, This doctor knows how to handle a man. 'We'll fix your disfunction without any pills, I'll ready the suction so try to hold still." "Out of the water came Bobby the host, At least I think it's her without any clothes. Not kidding saying again with a smile, 'Take your clothes off and stay a while." "As I go about my day, torpedoes leading the way, I sing a happy song so gay. Thanks to Doctor O'Malley I'm no longer Saggin' Sally, Men line up to dilly-dally." "As if he caught the 'big one' he whisks me to a tent prepared, Satin sheets, air mattress, and scent of jasmine in the air. Shabby-Sheik for this outdoorsman; wet clothes fall to the floor, My man trap's been sprung, I hooked what I been fishin' for." "When it's time for you to pay her bill, She'll be comin' for you dressed to kill. Put away those checks made for cashin', You better be ready for some romantic action." "It's a good thing Gus was out of ammunition, Or those boys would have felt his fiery intentions. Annabelle said to her pa in sweet angelic bliss, "How's a country girl spose to learn how to kiss?" "My dad was Mr. Universe, I really shouldn't boast. My mother Miss America, I got the best of both. I"m six feet three, curly hair, Dark eyes, muscles bulging everywhere." "An addiction is beyond understanding To the wise who have not entered in. Behind stone walls they say "Thank God I'm not like him." "Little girl don't you cry, little boy dry your eyes. I know you're asking why, oh Lord tell me why." "Who can leap tall buildings in a single bound? Who can run faster than the speed of sound? Who's stronger than a train and flies higher than a plane? I's Super Me; let me explain.' "When laws are righteous and judgement fair, Subjects live free and not in despair. When laws are corrupt and to heavy to bear, Peace and tranquility are viewed nowhere." "I'm going home to the hills of Tennessee, I miss regal mountains where eagles soar free. When I can't walk and my eyes can't see, Carry me home to the hills of Tennessee." "From two choices one make when your soul is at stake. God offers life eternal, sin offers death's infernal. "That same night the ax fell and John's blood was spilled, The wicked queen eagerly waited to see the king's order filled. She finally got what she longed for without even a fuss, John the Baptist is the greatest prophet there ever was." "It was getting late and the Pharisses rushed things along, Complaining to Pilate, "The criminal's deaths is taking to long. It's against our law for them to hang past three, Send guards to break legs of those hanging on trees." "As I come close I see a wondrous sight, From a throne shoots rays of light. A beautiful rainbow circles all 'round, As peels of thunder continually sound." "Hearts are joined by one spark, that's how love always starts. Other emotions lose their devotions, but true love never parts." "Dad made a promise before she died, Said he'd fing Blue as he cried. His Blue was gone now his wife, How much more could he bear in thid life?" "I have this thing called love sickness, So I run to my doctor for his analysis. He says, "I can treat you in only one way, Are you prepared to experience happy daze?" "My heart was pounding; my blood was flowing, Unfamiliar sensations and still not knowing. Life can sometimes be unsure, How was I to know I was having heart failure?" "I'll grant your wish if on time you answer this riddle, What shakes mountains with just a subtle ripple? What makes the earth tremor with a magnitude of eight? Hurry, the sands in my hourglass will tell if you're late." "She camel shimmies all round me, she's got me hypnotized. With such ease she lifts and pops; now I'm mesmerized." "L'mour's perfume was abundant in the air, It's captivating scent led me up the bedroom stairs. There I viewed my wife dressed only in a thong, Moving and grooving to our favorite love song." "We'll be apart for a while, a life time though it seems. Tomarrow night I'll close my eyes and love you only in my dreams." "Over thirty years of a messed up life Worse and worse becomes the strife. For a bad decision I pay a high price, All because I chose the wrong wife." "Some don't know and they never will, Their cup of happiness will never be filled. I'm an American soldier in case you don't know, Humbled, as heartfelt gratitude overflows from most." "America, America, why can't you see? A working lighthouse again you may be. Consider selecting servants in righteousness walking, Or sink electing criminals with the gift of double-talking." "Before unlearned virtues come to late, Keep yourself pure when looking for a mate. Seek a virtuous man who desires to be holy, Flee from all others, seek godly ones only." "What do you see when you look into a mirror? First clean the glass so you can see clear. Look past your face deep into your eyes, Ignore you surroundings, they only lie."