Learning To Begin Again:

I wrote Learning To Begin Again: Daily Reflections On Recovering And Renewal to provide both a sanctuary and a strategy for surmounting substantial stress and emotional turmoil. Whether you have an addiction, a physical ailment, family dysfunction, separation from a loved one or any other life event that is causing severe distress, it is vital to create meaning from your pain and to construct a plan that allows you to move forward so as to live a satisfying and rewarding life. This book presents such a plan of thought and action. The attitudes espoused are not new. Humility, gratitude, acceptance and patience are the first lines of defense against stress, depression, anger, anxiety and frustration. Eastern and Western philosophers as well as religious leaders have touted these dispositions for years as essential “spiritual” qualities. In my practice as a psychologist, I have found them to be necessary for good mental health. Furthermore, I believe they are the foundations of love, wisdom and courage that, for me, are the paramount personality traits of the “self-actualized” person. These temperaments are crucial, if one is to lead a fulfilling and contented life. In times of emotional stress and uncertainty, it is part of our nature to try to maintain hope, control and predictability in our life. The only thing predictable, however, is the control we can exercise over our thoughts (by “framing” or filtering our perspective), our feelings about these thoughts and perspectives, as well as our responses or reactions to these thoughts and feelings. It is my goal to restore hope in the reader by presenting a plan that enables such control (and therefore predictability), as well as a framework to encompass experience so that it becomes more manageable, meaningful and productive. One of the genuine tragedies in life is to suffer pain without creating or learning its meaning. Such a concept is necessary to enhance the future and honor the experience. My desire is to empower readers to confront the “slings and arrows” of daily existence with both the courage and the wisdom that such pain can instill. This book presents a belief system to assist the reader in times of turmoil, fear and disappointment. My major goal is to promote a mindset that enables the reader to: 1) begin to find meaning in chaos and challenge, 2) to develop a perspective of hope and confidence when faced with stress and uncertainty, 3) to feel sufficiently empowered to confront change and 4) to learn the skills necessary to implement strategies that promote growth and prosperity. In order to manifest this plan successfully, the reader must be infused with the desire and courage to change. The importance of including awareness and intent (will) in our daily life cannot be overstated. You must want to change and be willing to witness the positive results of this change. If we are to succeed, we must break from the past, conquer fear and generate perseverance so that we purposefully expand mindfulness beyond self-involvement and narcissistic needs. Intent is an act of will that results in a behavioral expression of a perspective and of a strategy. Intent will concentrate attention and motivation on a specific aspiration and goal. Awareness is tuning into our own consciousness as we sharpen mindfulness to the outside world, in order to perceive the goodness that is in the Universe and in us. As you develop and refine attentiveness, you will begin to see the fruits of your labors. We do not want to be as puppets directed by the myths and biases instilled in our past without our consent or cognizance. My approach is based upon well-researched concepts on information processing and willpower. I believe that we choose among the many aspects of the external environment, only those we wish to process. This selection is frequently beyond our consciousness. As human beings we tend to select those facets of daily circumstances that confirm our belief system about ourselves, our relationships, our world and ourselves in our world. We must, therefore, sharpen our awareness to acknowledge these predispositions and form an intention to control the information we select to act upon. We are only as powerful as the information we choose to respond to. With the data filtered through a new mindfulness, we can begin to develop those personality traits most likely to ease and advance our journey. Humility, gratitude, acceptance and patience are four fundamental attributes that have been advocated throughout the ages by both philosophers and spiritual leaders to improve the quality of life for all. As we evolve in kindness and compassion, these four fundamental dispositions will develop into courage, wisdom and love, providing optimal response to uncertainty, stress and transition. This transformation will generate a new dimension of life-experience and perspective. New possibilities will arise as innovative solutions to old problems emerge. Truly, “when the student is ready the teacher will appear.” The “teacher” is here and “now” is the time to begin. We were created with an innate drive to nurture all life and to evolve. Unfortunately, the evolutionary necessity of fear has induced an equally powerful drive to remain in the status quo and to resist change and growth. This is our challenge: fear or love, avoidance or approach, unity or isolation. If we are to achieve fulfillment, we must confront the challenge of change. How we decide to do this is our life task. Ultimately, the choice is ours. We create the reality in which we choose to live. We are responsible for solving our problems and becoming who we were created to be. It is our duty to make our lives meaningful and we are obligated to serve as examples to help others find their way to their own destiny.