Just Who Am I Training Anyway

Question: Why is it that we, as parents or caregivers, think a child is supposed to perform just because we ask? Answer: Because we are assuming that they have been previously trained to do so. Like a conditioned animal, we think that they are supposed to follow without questioning the requests of their instructors. Most children will have to be shown why they should do as asked; they haven’t been trained to be submissive and to yield to an authority figure with just an asking. They haven’t had the training of a horse which is forced to comply, and then if it doesn’t it is subjected to endure a negative pressure as it’s introduced to pain compliance. Children, who are not regularly held to proper discipline, are probably used to being reasoned with. Their caregivers have tried that approach. …Much in vain. The ineffectiveness of their past exposures is mostly one-sided. Although they have been reasoned with, sometimes at great length, they have not been forced to use reasoning. They’ve been given too much freedom of choice without being held to being responsible for their choices. They haven’t been subjected to a leader who’s actually engaged in exposing them to see ways to improve and become more skilled, and then for the proper reasons he forces them to do so. They probably have lacked being confronted with enough tough love to where they were expected to live up to a challenging standard. To expect a child to choose to always follow along or make the right choices simply out of reasoning is to assume they’ve developed that capability. Additionally, we are assuming, as instructors, we’ve also developed the skills to always present our ideas, in such a way, to where our students willing embrace them. {see: following Side note.} This is a long shot. It’s wishful thinking on our parts. To enhance our ability to persuade, we should deliver our messages in a fashion where our students can understand their gains and benefits. Working together, in harmony, toward a common goal or objective is the most perfect and desirable way to obtain the unity of cooperation. This utopia only comes with a willing student who has learned to be submissive by being subjected to a tough love. He was held to a standard of compliance, having been taught from a proper foundation when to stop and to change directions. He learns that life becomes easier as he conforms to the desires of his ruler. As result, he becomes willing to go along with his leader in order to avoid being subjected to discipline. Or, the student has the capacity to recognize the benefits which may be his, and so, he is willing to make thought-thru choices toward a shared objective. “How will you obtain cooperation?” A rational child has the ability to learn easier than a horse. The animal’s trainer mostly keeps up a pressure in order to get it to do something different, and then rewards it when this happens. You can let a child know upfront what you expect and what reward you’ll give in return for their certain behaviors. You must first obtain his attention, and then verbalize your and his role. You teach alternative behavioral choices before an outbreak. You make your expectations clear and easy for the child to understand, instead of subjecting him to being treated like a horse, which because of its limited understanding of spoken word is left to stumble on what proper behavior you expect. You, as a leader, can present your expectations in such a way that your child will embrace them because he can see how he can benefit, whereas with a horse it learns to recognize a benefit only through the repeated rigor of conditioning. ***Side note*** Going back to the “Basic” is a two fold quest. It is a careful training to our charges, so that they develop the proper foundation to respond to our requests. They learn to be submissive and to yield to our influence. They, as a result, learn to understand the benefits that can be theirs. Before, any of that can happen, additional training needs to take place. It is the training of ourselves. We need to understand how to get the most out of our charges. We need to realize when we’re being efficient and equally aware when we’re coming across as confusing and causing more harm than good. We should develop the skills to be able to train, before we start, or we will struggle and make mistakes that’ll cause a need for ourselves and our charges to be re-trained. This book is for you to learn the skills necessary to properly train your charges. After, you understand all aspects of your proper role, then, you’ll be able to deliver to the child what he requires to help him develop. The word “NO” Life is full of rules that must be followed; otherwise we suffer the negative consequence of our actions. By choosing to not follow the rules, we’re subjected to losing opportunities, freedoms, and possible gains. We must train our children to obey rules when we ask. It prepares them to have the capacity to receive more. Much of obeying rules has to do with understanding the true meaning of the word “NO”. “No” is the predecessor of negative consequences. “NO” is not a bad word, it is not an inhibitor of action that stifles and causes the shut down of forward movement. It is the opposite; it is the suggestion for a re-evaluation of present actions and the signal to pick a better choice. It allows the child to have control over their lives, before a punishment is delivered. It is the directive that a caring instructor gives in order to get his charges’ attention, so that he can alert them into stopping only the unwanted portion of their actions or thinking. “No” is not the authoritarian command to STOP! … It’s the notice that a different direction is expected. The student needs to be aware that their present course of action will not be tolerated, so CHANGE NOW! The delivery of a “NO!” is also the signal for the trainer to stay engaged with his charges until they understand what their proper alternative response should have been. For a trainer to withhold telling a charge, “No,” is similar to being the owner of an untaught puppy, which is destined to never be trained under the pretense that it’s too cruel to do so. As result, the pup/kid is never given the fair chance to reach its highest potential. Some think that a set law only represents a declaration that connotes a “No!” towards behavior. To come to healthy terms with obeying a rule, the subjected person should respond as if rules represent imposed guidelines which declare what is acceptable. He should be anxiously involved in trying to discover what that is, not stifled into shutting down his momentum because he is fixated on what he is not allowed to do. “Be wise; offer an alternative which will inspire.” When training a child, it is necessary to establish who is the leader, along with, who is the follower? Otherwise, on one hand is the teacher expecting to receive attention and compliance from his charge, and on the other hand is the student insisting on main-taining any degree of freedom that he can obtain. The two may be compatible in their choice to enter into a common goal, but yet still are in opposition as to their perspective roles. When on such a quest, both will go merrily along their ways until one wants something which the other chooses not to deliver. They then become contenders opposing each other as to who is subjective to whom. As a teacher, you be the leader, not a contender.