Losing Love, Having Faith & Finding Hope

Most prostitute for money or drugs; others prostitute for love and Hope was no different. Love was the apple of his eye, and he would do whatever it took to get a piece of that forbidden fruit. So day in and day out he bared himself; he bared his soul for the attention he wanted, hoping one day Love would take notice. Like a pimp on the street, Love could not see past his own wants and desires which left a vulnerable Hope sad, hurt, and full of growing resentment in one hand and longing to be needed in the other. Love would always throw him little crumbs; spend a little time; call every now and again; and even purchase something. In the beginning, Hope would scramble for the crumbs and hold on to those moments for dear life; but as he grew he wanted and required more. Still eager to succeed the everlasting battle of Love, Hope entices Love with evenings of seduction. He fills his plate with honesty and trust in hopes that Love would bare his soul leaving him with words of consistency and stability. Week after week Hope would try to romance Love with tender gestures, hoping he would eventually take him under his wing, guide him and teach him to fly. Instead, Hope slowly came to the realization that he would never be enough to fill Love’s appetite for fun, desire, or selfish love. There would always be someone or something more important, something to stand in the way, something to diminish Hope’s pull on Love’s heart strings. Thinking back to when Hope was two years old, energetic and accustom to his inner circle, Hope begins to show anti-social behavior. Crying at the sight of man-kind became his way of expressing himself. Could this be because he was not accustomed to seeing men….a man….his father? Anything is possible. So, Faith enrolled him in school so that he could begin to socialize with other people and children his own age. Every morning for six months, he would cry and throw a tantrum upon entering the building. It took a while before Faith realized that it wasn’t the people he was afraid of, but it was the fear of being left behind or forgotten, a feeling he knew all too well every time Love left his side not to return for days. At age 4, Faith’s new love interest had taken on more and more of the fatherly role. At one point Hope wanted to call him “Pop”. Of course, Love decided that was inappropriate and had forbidden Hope to do it again. Once again, Love wanted the name and the title without the responsibility. One would think, this would be a wake-up call to Love that he should start doing the things that a father is supposed to do, this way Hope wouldn’t think of someone else taking that spot. That didn’t happen. There was another moment when Hope was still turning tricks, still seeking this parental comfort, still seeking Love’s guidance and reassurance that he is wanted and desired. With the anticipation of stirring attention from the attracted one, Hope proceeded to display his anger and growing frustration in school. When questioned by the Dean and the Principal about who he was and why he was behaving so erratically, his response was, “My name is Love.” Knowing that Hope had crossed their paths previously, the authority figures knew he was not being truthful and again could not understand his behavior. Anticipating that Faith could shed light on this puzzling situation, she was called in for a conference. Of course Faith, knowing what Hope was going through, understood immediately what had transpired. She explained the dilemma to all involved. They were able to relate and now understood why a 7-year-old child didn’t recite his correct name. He was reprimanded and held accountable for his behavior. However, when Love found out about what had happened, he was in complete denial and made excuses for Hope’s actions. He stated there’s nothing wrong with a child wanting to emulate his father. He insisted this was normal behavior. Yes, under different circumstances this may be considered normal, but Faith knew without a doubt that this was a hopeful cry for help. It did not occur to Love that this display of falsification was an alternative means to an end. This was Hope’s way of trying everything possible to get Love to spend more time with him and THEN maybe, just maybe if he liked what he saw he would want to be more like him. Love’s rationale was more believable to him because it would mean he didn’t have to accept responsibility for not being around. Getting desperate and feeling as if time was running out, Hope started to resort to other coping mechanisms that would possibly yielded him the results he was looking for. Hope began to play the defiant card. At 8, he made it clear that he no longer had respect for Love although he stilled loved him. Faith’s new friend became Hope’s role model. He became that person that paid attention to him and gave him the things he deemed important at the time. All of this had come to light and should have been another wakeup call for Love, but again he made excuses for Hope’s remarks. He didn’t believe and/or couldn’t understand why Hope would say he had no respect for him. He thought he deserved his son’s respect and admiration. Why? He definitely didn’t earn it but because Hope still cared for Love and still yearned for that relationship, he would never express his true feelings to him directly. Hope feared that he would hurt Love’s feelings and then their relationship would be worse than it was already. In explanation, Hope went as far to say that he believed Love would “suspend him” from his home if he hurt his feelings. He equated the situation as if he were being reprimanded in school