The Hook Up

Whenever I look on dating sites, I’m always tickled by how many people say “I don’t have baggage.” The reality is that EVERYONE has baggage. The issue is where is your baggage? Still on the moving van or in your closet? I think that many relationships do not work out because folks get involved while in “movement” not after moving. When you move the first thing that you do is tell your landlord, friends, neighbors, post office and creditors. Second, you reserve a means for transporting your crap to the new location. Third, you clean up your mess in hopes of a return on your deposit. Fourth, you move out of your old place. Fifth, you unpack and re-establish yourself in new location. All of these things seem perfectly simple and normal. However, in terms of a relationship, this is much easier said than done. In regards to a relationship, the same rules apply. You are not moved until you have unpacked and re-established yourself somewhere else emotionally. First, you tell everyone of the breakup. Second, you make emotional, mental, and sometimes physical accommodations for yourself to move on. Third, after you have accepted the life change, most people do what is necessary to clean up or make amends with their ex. Others will choose not to make amends and will forfeit the deposit on what was contributed into the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to make a clean break if the situation is abusive or if both parties are unable to communicate. However, you should always be cautious of entering a relationship with a person who has unresolved issues with their ex. Finally the move ... the relationship has ended and now you are somewhere else emotionally. However you still are in “movement” because you have not unpacked your memories, hurts, disappointments. Once you have unpacked and settled in some, it is time to announce your arrival. At this point you are officially moved. The problem that many people face is that they move, unpack and then begin to think about the deposit that they left behind (AKA the ex) because they failed to clean up beforehand. So these are the folks who will run back to their ex trying to make amends or attempting to re-kindle. These people are still in movement and you should not enter into relationship with them. A person who is in movement is not stable emotionally and may disappoint you in a relationship so . . . beware! The fact that they may have a desire to correct past issues with an ex can be a healthy part of closure. However it can also be a sign that they are curious about the deposit left behind. Some people never finish moving because they never allow themselves time enough to unpack and settle in. These people live out of emotional suitcases. They jump from relationship to relationship without taking time to settle from their last movement.