FINDING THE MISSING LINK

FIND FAMILY BEFORE RELATIONSHIP If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3) The family is the smallest unit upon which culture is built. Two or more families form a community. In that light, we could also say that the family is the foundation upon which culture is built. Scripturally speaking, when the foundation is faulty what shall the righteous do? It is necessary to understand that in the quest of finding the right partner, it is imperative to first find family. Love starts from the home. Researchers have found out that majority of married couples who are struggling maritally are in one way or another not in good terms with their individual homes. (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002; Sergin, Taylor, & Altman, 2005) This fact supports the theory that one of the primary factors responsible for broken homes is either or both of the partners coming from a dysfunctional family unit. It is rare for people that come from single homes or broken families to maintain good relationships. The reason for this is very simple. You cannot give what you do not have. Love requires practice. You will need to have practiced love among your family members before you can extend healthy love to people outside. You will need to have seen a display of affection in a natural family setting before you can replicate it in your own home. Today, there is a constant war against the family institution. Divorce rates are at the highest ever seen in history. Amicably settling differences seems to have taken back seat in our fast-paced, law-suit driven societies. Single-parent families are on the rise. How about families fortunate enough to have both parents? Are they any better? Not always. We see young males who are not in good terms with their fathers, and buoyed by the freedom to do as they wish, rushing out of their parents’ homes. More often than not, these young men are deprived of having proper mentoring and growing to become responsible men with positive contributions to society. And young girls? They are not too free to share personal burdens, especially as relates to emotions, with their mothers. They entertain some sort of belief that, probably as a result of the age gap, their mothers may have totally uncompromising and quite tangential opinions to their feelings. With this ever widening chasm between family values as was practiced in times past and what is presently viewed as fashionable, it is not surprising that many families are falling apart at an alarming rate. Add to that the gospel of ‘SELF’ that is making the rounds and that teaches that “It’s all about YOU”, “YOU are the most important and YOUR happiness is the supreme reality” and what we have is a moral cataclysm that poses the greatest threat to the family unit as we know it now. There are fewer and fewer people to pass the torch of Values-Driven family and fewer still for the torch to be passed on to. If we are going to have more stable family structures in our society, there is no gainsaying the fact that we would have to begin with strengthening existing ones. Before we go looking for partners, it is necessary to address and find a strong family support base.