Get In Shape FAST

Lynn and Brian have been together for seven and a half years. At the beginning of their relationship, Lynn, who has been hurt before, tells Brian not to break her heart, to be a real man who does not play childish games with people’s emotions. Brian promises to be the real man he is always claiming to be. He says he will never cheat on her. But, five years into the relationship, Brian and Lynn begin having some problems that lead to frequent arguments. After one particularly heated argument, they break up for a while and eventually get back together. But Lynn discovers that Brian had sex with one of her so-called friends during the temporary breakup, and Brian is denying that this ever happened. So Lynn’s trust factor hits zero. Brian then confesses to cheating, apologizes, says he loves her and wants to start over, and Lynn gives him another chance. But she finds it difficult to forgive him completely. She makes constant reference to his unfaithfulness, rubs it in his face every time they argue about something, even though Brian is completely faithful now. He begs for her forgiveness, but she just cannot find the strength to forgive and forget. So, now they are about to break up again—for good. Who is to blame? Some people would say Lynn, because she will not forgive Brian. But, in reality, Brian is to blame because, during a temporary breakup, he made a stupid, traitorous move. In another example, Wilbert and Shanel just got married and are fresh off their honeymoon. In Shanel’s mind, she is living her dream with the man of her dreams. In Wilbert’s mind, Shanel was made for him, and they will ride or die together in love until the end. They are financially stable, have big dreams, and the future seems promising. But, as the years go by, Wilbert realizes that, according to his own ideology, the married life is “not all it is cracked up to be.” He finds himself fussing with Shanel about what he believes to be stupid things, but things that are obviously important to her. And sex with her is not the same. To him, this whole “marriage and sex thing” is boring, and he is growing tired of waking up to the same woman with the same problems every day. He yearns to cut loose from the confines of marriage. He wants to be entertained. So, after explaining all of this to one of his bachelor friends, he decides to go out with the “fellas” and have a night on the town. He and his friends go first to a strip club and then to a concert at the local House of Blues. At the strip club, as he receives a lap dance from a hottie, he reminisces about old times he shared with Shanel, when she would dance and strip for him in the privacy of their own home. But this pisses him off, because it also reminds him of how much Shanel has changed during their marriage. So he and his friends leave. Afterwards, at the concert, another hottie approaches him and requests a dance. As their bodies become one on the dance floor, he is reminded of Shanel again, the way that he and she used to dance. Anyway, he ends up kissing this woman, one thing lead to another, and they have sex all night at a nearby hotel. He does not make it home until the next morning. Waiting on him for hours, Shanel inquires about where he was and “what he was doing last night,” which turns into a heated argument. Pissed, Wilbert admits that he cheated and blames it on her. She then packs her things and leaves. After a two-month separation, they agree to get back together, so she moves back in. He feels guilty about cheating, but she says it is all “old news,” not to worry about it. Then she begins cheating behind his back, and he finds out. After a heated argument, he packs his things and leaves. She leaves a message on his voicemail stating that revenge is sweet and she cheated because he broke her heart, destroyed her trust, and she will never forgive him. Who is the blame attributed to in this example? Although she could have handled the situation a lot better, I believe Shanel’s actions do not make her the bearer of blame. She was simply lashing out emotionally because Wilbert betrayed her by doing what he did. Thus, it is his fault—not hers. I am talking to every Beautiful Black Woman out there. The one with the broken heart, whose man is cheating on her. The one whose spirit feels broken because her man is beating her. The one who trusted a man who infected her with HIV or AIDS. The one who is in a messed up relationship that seems unfixable. I am talking to you! The one with the dark skin who Stupid Black Men look down upon and say is ugly. The one with the child or children that the father(s) want nothing to do with. The one who is recently divorced after a troubled marriage. The one who is just fed up with the Black Man’s crap. I am talking to you! I love you! Forgive him! Forgive me! Just let Beautiful Black Love rule. If you truly want it, you will find it. All you have to do is believe.