David Smith woke up to the beeping sound of a bed side heart monitor. He turned his head to look at it. It was a white computer looking thing held up by a silver stand. He looked down at his arm where he saw an intervenes needle stuck into it. He was suddenly aware of the pain and the scratchy feeling in his throat. He tried to swallow but his mouth was dry and the action was excruciating. He tried to sit up but his body wouldn’t let him. He tried to call out but the sound he heard was a husky growl. He could feel a hand touch his arm. He turned to look at it. The hand was that of a well-manicured man’s hand. He looked up the black leather arm to the man’s face. It was Mr. Alan Black, David’s history teacher and supposed second best friend next to Amanda Moore. David could smell Alan’s intoxicating cologne and the memory of what had happened rushed into his mind. He remembered seeing Alan for the first time on his first day of grade 11 just months ago. He remembered the intense arousal that this man had given him from just the sight of him. He remembered his mother setting up a ‘Big Brother’ type arrangement for David and Alan. He recalled the time they had spent together and the building of feelings David had for this man. He remembered Gabe, Amanda’s older brother, and the affair he had with him before he died at the hands of David’s uncle Carl. He remembered how Alan had been there for him through the difficult time. He remembered the building relationship with Amanda through all of this and her confession of love as well as her brothers. He remembered playing his guitar with Alan. It had been the first time he had played since his father died. He remembered the long stares they shared and the quiet conversations with Alan’s best friend Carman about them. He remembered falling in love with Alan and was thinking about telling him until he saw this man he loved kissing his mother. He remembered the pain and the anger that had pushed its way into his body. He remembered driving Gabe’s big black Hearse to Look Out Point where Gabe’s tree and hangman’s noose had been. He remembered climbing onto the top of the car and putting the rope around his neck. He could remember seeing Alan run over the hill as he stepped from the car. The rest of the memory was a blur of fear and pain. He pulled his arm out from under Alan’s hand and closed his eyes. Tears burned under his lids and Alan got up and left the room. He returned with David’s mother Nancy and his girlfriend Amanda.
“David, can you hear me?” Nancy asked. David nodded but left his eyes closed.
“Can you say anything?” Amanda asked sitting down on the bed next to him. David opened his eyes and looked at her. She looked tired and scared. David shook his head and shut his eyes again. He could hear Alan clear his throat.
“I think the damage to his throat won’t let him speak.” Alan said in his quiet, seductive voice. David moaned and Amanda rubbed his arm.
“It’s ok David. The Doctor said you’ll be ok. You just need to stay here until they are finished treating your throat.” Amanda said.
“You’ll have to pass a psychological exam too, son.” Nancy said. David sighed and shook his head. His suicide attempt was ridiculous and now, he would have to atone to it. Amanda rubbed his arm again and sniffed. She stood up and David could hear her leave the room. “This is so hard for her.” David heard his mother whisper to Alan.
“She has been through a lot this year.” Alan whispered back. David could hear them kiss before Nancy left to talk to Amanda. David growled and winced at the pain it caused his throat. He could hear Alan sit down in the chair next to him. “David, I’m so sorry.” Alan whispered and David growled again. Alan let out a sigh and David could hear him sit back in his chair. “We should have told you.” Alan said referring to his secret attachment with Nancy. David rolled his eyes under his lids but said nothing. “Your mother thought it would be best not to tell you until you were comfortable with the idea of her with someone else.” Alan explained. David opened his eyes and glowered at Alan. He winced at the anger in David’s face. “Please understand that we were just trying to ease you into the idea.” Alan whispered. David shook his head and closed his eyes. He could hear Alan shift in his chair and touch his arm. David pulled away again and they both remained silent.
Why are you here? Can’t you just fuck off already? I don’t want you here. David thought to himself as the scent of Alan’s cologne slowly found its way into David’s nose and throat. He groaned and opened his eyes. Alan held his head in his hands and was looking down at the floor. His shag-like, blonde hair slightly curled around his fingers. A nurse walked into the room and came to David’s side. Both men turned to look at her.
“Shall we try sitting you up?” She asked in a slight Irish sounding accent. David nodded and the nurse tilted up the bed. David gave her a half smiled before she left. He kept his eyes on the door so he didn’t have to look at Alan.
“Can I get you anything?” Alan asked quietly. David sighed and lifted his middle finger at Alan without looking at him. Alan sighed and stood up. “Do you want water?” He tried. David turned his head and looked at him. He tried to speak but even just moving the air in his throat hurt, so he gave up and turned away. Alan left the room and David sighed out a quiet, painful growl.
I hope he stays gone this time. What makes him think I want him in here? God! How could he be with my mom and not tell me? How could he be with my mom? How did I miss that? I guess what they say is right, love IS blind. Love, the first time in my life I actually really was in love and he’s fucking my mom. God I hate him! David thought. He could feel tears burn his eyes again and he closed them.
As soon as I’m out of here I am taking Amanda and we’re leaving. We could go to Montana where her grandmother is or Texas where her cousin is. Anywhere is better than here. We can just leave and never look back. I would never have to see my mom or Alan ever again. David thought to himself. He could hear someone come into the room. He opened his eyes to see Alan carrying a cup of ice chips. He set the ice chips on the little bed table and wheeled in in front of David. David rolled his eyes and then shut them. He could hear Alan sit back down in the chair.
“The doctor says you damaged your larynx. He said you’ll talk again but it will take a while. They are keeping you in here to monitor you and watch for any infection.” Alan said quietly from beside David’s bed. David shook his head but never opened his eyes. “I brought you something.” Alan said and set something on the bed table. David opened his eyes and looked at the table. There was a small pad of paper and a pen. David raised an eyebrow and looked at Alan. “You can write if you can’t talk.” He offered. David looked back at the paper and slowly moved his arm up to the table. His body was hard to move and David frowned. He managed to get the pen in his hand and write,
GO AWAY!
Alan sighed and shook his head.
“I can’t. I promised your mom and Amanda I would stay with you.” Alan said. David sighed and underlined the two words again. Alan sat back in his chair and shook his head. David set the pen down and dropped his arm. He closed his eyes and growled again. “I would do whatever you asked, but I can’t leave.” Alan said quietly. David raised his eyebrows and looked back at the table. He got the pen back into his hand and wrote,
If you won’t leave, then SHUT UP!