ONLY A GHOST KNOWS

I hear I’m a ghost. It’s a strange feeling being able to move effortlessly through the walls of my home, wandering from corridor to corridor. In the beginning, I often hesitated before a door, uncertain if I should turn the knob to get to the other side. Now, this has become child’s play for me in this spectral realm. After taking my own life, I was surprised that I didn't choose to cross over to the light where I could be with my beloved husband and precious son, who I lost years ago to a tragic boating accident. The first memory of my old life came to me in a whisper, echoing my name. It called to me softy, “Lily......Lily.” I’m not quite sure what happened after I put the lethal injection of morphine into my leg, but the remnants of shame still shadow me for taking the easy way out. That was when all my memories returned abruptly, making me cringe from the choices I made. I thought it’d be easy to blame my old nurse for my suicide. But now, as I wander through the walls of my home that used to exude benevolence, I realize how many choices I truly had in my life. As a spirit who hasn’t crossed over, I continuously feel the pain of separation from the ones who are waiting for me, seeing that brilliant light that appears from time to time, offering me a chance to let go of this corporeal world. But my tattered soul is consumed with anger and dread. If I don’t bring my tormentor to justice, my fear is that I’ll be forever earthbound. Everyday I pray that the living doesn’t think that I’m a bad or weak woman for taking my life. I hope they see instead a confused, intangible being, who didn’t reach out to others for help through pride and fear of rejection. I was that proud woman who married an affluential young man, who thought that nothing tragic could effect our lives. I forgot I was human, subjected to the same challenges and turmoils as everyone else, despite our wealth. My grief, coupled with rage and fear is that my tormentor might continue killing, which has brought me to this moment where judgement will be served with the help of my Guardian Angel. But ultimately, there is always a price that needs to be paid for such services. For every minute I lived without the love of those who are waiting for me on the other side, has turned the last ten years into something that cannot be calculated. There is no measure for love lost, and that loss is all consuming. Most people don’t understand that a ghost can still pray and call out for help through the penetrating layers of multi-dimensional planes of existence. Your plea goes out silently, sifting through layers of energy to a place where those who’ve died, live in the mists. With their help, my message is sent to those ascended beings who are equipped to respond. I may be a ghost, but don’t dismiss my grief. I know by manipulating the elements of energy, I have made people fearful. But I’m unapologetic for my actions. There is no turning back now. Because only a ghost knows why they’re earthbound, why they need to linger, and why tapping into the intense emotions of those of the living actually makes them feel alive for a brief moment. This is a spirit’s drug of choice. It’s my drug of choice. Feeling alive without the benefit of a body. So stay with me if you dare and be compassionate along my journey. Turn the page and find out if retribution is about to be served, or if love will eventually save and release me from my own man-made netherworld. Only then, will I be lighter than a fallen leaf fluttering in the breeze. I will finally be free.