My Personal Stop Message

Having departed my home, tasted the preliminary experience of what had become the most popular drug of choice in America, transferring the position held as a telemarketer in Seattle to the San Francisco location and getting initially settled with a place to stay; the stage was now set for the incorporation of crack cocaine into my life. Time is a very important element in our lives. When time seems to be going by too fast may be because it is aided by some unwanted ultimate end exampled by not being unprepared for final exams or there is not enough time to continue enjoying something exciting and fulfilling - “the party is over y’all”. To the contrary when time seems to go by very slow where a hour feels like a whole day and nights are sleepless where two nights seem packed into one tend to be caused by loneliness, nervous anticipation, worry and the like - end of a love affair. After arriving and becoming situated the first few days in San Francisco I was unaware of a process that had already begun that called for social and personal satisfaction with its interaction. Having experienced sleeping in an emergency shelter, better known as a mission, sharing the floor with mats to lay on among many other homeless individuals with many in and around my age; I began realizing the need for social interaction, sex, friends and their good old friendly conversation, a joint of weed or a drink with someone and maybe a game of spades or better yet a game of pinochle with a possible date thereafter – a date with the looser of course. Having taken care of much business over the initial days on the bay with the finding of the telemarketing company and getting right back to work selling those same light bulbs and cleaning products, getting a place to stay and a little money for food and such, thanks to Uncle Buc, and getting to know my way around the area I lived in on ninth and Mission I felt the urges – especially for sex. Thinking about the faces, some sad and many happy, in this social mix at the mission grew very strong very quickly over a period of a couple days. At work? You know from the expression of the kind of work and the people selling over the phone what kind of temptation I found myself attracted to. The money Uncle Buc had furnished me delayed any immediate return to the day centers of the missions located in and around the Tenderloin. The start of telemarketing on Market Street in the area of the Tenderloin found the thirst for my interaction with others quickly quenched. As mention, telemarketing became an even better trade for me than had been at home. I began making sells and becoming even more comfortable with the selling pitch the first day on the job. To reflect back on making friends found how long and complicated a task it was to become friends with RJ and Tilly back home. Would I have to do this again? The process of getting to know and develop enough confidence before opening up a heart full of welcome came quickly even though I had to make that first move on the job with fellow workers – a trap totally unaware of. With the fifty or so bucks left from the money Uncle Buc had been kind enough to give me was the perfect opportunity to invite or lure the company of someone I had my eye on for the last three days of work at this new job, in this new environment, many miles away from home, feeling free as the jail bird I now was. It was the third evening after work I ask Reggie if I could buy him a drink. He began his acceptance speech with how well I was doing on the job and if I was from the bay area and his being raised in the city. Comfort sat in almost immediately. Dude was in his early thirties although he lied about his age saying he was 39 maybe due to my revealing my being 38 years old. Don’t really know if there is any real psychological connection or value that warranted his wanting to be superior to me in order to dominate the relationship that began that very night. This very night after the introductory conversation between us saw how a drink was not the main item on the menu that we both wanted. His asking if “I smoked” was responded to with a positive answer by my asking where I could cop a ten dollar bag of bud (marijuana). This was not the smoke Reggie had in mind and ask if I had ever smoked ‘Rocks’. This new language I found needed my undivided attention. I had learned from Reggie that rocks were a class of cocaine. After expressing my initial experience with it including how these rocks had not had the effect others raved about I could see I had made what was to become a brand new friend – a great friend! Instead I was simply a choice “duck” with a job and even a couple of twenty dollar rocks in my pocket in cash form.