TEARS BURNED my cheeks, lying in a canoe on Brooks Field’s water edge, except the stream wasn’t comforting; neither were the nightly sounds coming from the woods surrounding the area. Being here alone and at night is terrifying. But this is where my fast feet lead me too. There’s no -one else to turn too. Too many bridges have been torched by Mom’s and Leah’s ways. Teddy’s mom will make him call the authorities if I attempt to go there. Iris works evenings. Keith will never be a choice, even if I become homeless. I don’t even know where Chase lives. All I know is, it’s not far from here, but I’ve never been there. Calling Aunt Rosalie crossed my mind to ask where Jesus was now, but she’d tell Dad, the last person on earth I want my current status to be known to. Mom’s crazy. One minute, she’s motivating herself to get a job, go to school; next, she’s confessing how Leah needed to be taught a lesson by pointing a gun at her.
January 2005
Dear Mom, Did you ever once think I'd be the person I am at this moment? Cause I definitely never thought I would be so in tune with life and all its complications. Regardless of the heartache I chose to experience, I always find a way to settle my sadness. And I have you to thank. You'll never know how much I've learned from your existence. You've inspired me to seek the truth in myself. You've silently showed me that unconditional love for those in pain is the key to make my soul smile. You'll never understand how your love has kept me in search for warmth within. Although I lack in certain areas of myself, I am overstuffed with gratitude for the forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding I have for those who have done me wrong. Therefore, you'll never have to worry about me fading into another's corrupt ways. Cause I am your daughter, the one who has to live the lesson in order to understand it. Unfortunately I suffer more from the lessons, but I always come out stronger. And I'm on a mission to keep my heart, mind, body, and spirit on the path to self-respect and peace. Please never stop believing in me. And I'll never lose track of how beautiful your existence is in my heart.
Love,
Sage