Imperfect Happy Marriage
A Positive Outlook on Marriage in the 21st Century
by
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Chapter 2
COMPLIMENTING and COMPLEMENTING EACH OTHER
It is not by coincidence that you met your husband, it is not by coincidence that you met your wife. God already knew that you were meant for each other before you even dreamt you would meet your spouse. It is not by mistake that you are married and are living with that person you call spouse.
God has given you that family as a gift, to love and to cherish despite their flaws, who does not have flaws? One of the most effective ways of keeping the bond in a marriage is complimenting your spouse. Everybody wants to feel special, treasured, wanted, valued and prioritised in life. You might not be the most romantic person who goes that extra mile to create a love environment for your spouse. Maybe you cannot do regular candlelit dinners or long weekend getaways just the two of you. You might not be all that but a compliment to your spouse does not require any financial or physical effort yet it goes a long way in making your loved one happy and feel loved.
Complimenting
Dear Men
Women love to feel special, yes they love to hear those sweet nothings. A compliment makes a woman softer and kinder because of the inner esteem that would have been encouraged by their spouse. Telling a woman,’ I love you’, ‘you are beautiful’ means the world and the doses are never enough. It is an expression that can be repeated a hundred times a day and still feel like it’s the first time. Women yearn to hear that as many times as possible, it is reassuring to hear a husband say beautiful words.
I remember one incident when I was growing up at home, my mother bought a very nice dress and she wore it for church. On her way out, my dad was standing on the veranda and he said to my mum, ‘you are looking like a member today’, meaning she was looking very nice and well presentable in the society. My mum looked at him and smiled. She spend the whole day feeling very special. The best part of it is she was feeling so good that she bought us a lot of sweets and biscuits which was a rare occurrence. Being complimented makes one look at the world with a confident mind.
Joel Osteen mentioned in one of his seminars that, be generous with your compliments to your wife, everyday you need to tell your spouse, I love you, I am so proud of you, I am so glad that you are in my life. They need to hear this on a regular basis not just on their birthday or anniversary. Honey it’s valentine’s day, ‘I love you’. Once a year does not cut it, he goes on to say, if you do not tell your wife that you love her, somebody else will, be generous when it comes to complimenting your wife.
Many women struggle with self esteem in their homes as well as in the society, because they never feel appreciated by their spouse and most of the time they end up blaming themselves for the failure to be happy in the marriage. They feel guilty and depressed because they are not made to feel adequate by their husbands. Telling your wife that you are doing a great job taking care of the house and children means a lot to any woman, it means more that an international award in their professional work.
The more you make your wife feel special, be guaranteed the more you enjoy your marriage and it also makes your children and people who surround you give you that much love and respect.
In the bible, King Solomon was considered the wisest man who has ever lived, every morning he blessed his wife. He looked her in the eyes and said, ‘there are many beautiful women in the world but you excel them all’. I can imagine how the wife felt each day being praised and treasured by her husband like that, it gives a full sense of belonging. Wives can owe it to themselves to make you happy and fulfilled in the marriage. It is funny how small words can either build or destroy a marriage. Loving your wife is an investment to your entire family.
Express your love to your wife everyday without ceasing, God has made it clear that Love surpasses all understanding in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
I fell in love with the last three words, ‘Love never fails’. The focus and ultimate goal of this book is to maintain, strengthen and restore the love that married couples share. To repair where there could possibly be damage before the actual damage is done. When we follow the biblical principles of love, we realise that, it surfaces all the good things that all humans yearn for.
We may be tempted at some point to think that love can be bought through gifts, presents and all the nice things but many people have realised that the real love lies in the heart. The small but valuable gestures like words of praise, kindness, respect and mutual consideration. One singer wrote a song which says , ‘The best things in life are for free’, God gave us the capacity to love unconditionally and the heart has no measure, you can express love everyday, anytime and it never gets tired, expire or lose value.
Dear Women
Women rejoice in being the queens in the home, we want to feel in control of ours and our husband’s lives, we want to feel special and appreciated. Yes, we desire all this but we can never be the queens if we do not make our husbands the kings.
Making your husband feel special is not a weakness. Making him feel that he is the head of the house as the bible says does not make you less important in the home. Many wives are a bit apprehensive on the term ‘submission’ to their husbands. It comes off as if the wife has no say in the marriage, they cannot make any decisions, he always has to have the last word. Submission means a lot more than just saying okay to everything that your husband says, it means speaking your mind with respect and consideration, it means putting your heads together in making decisions in the home.
There is no happy home that can run without agreeing on important decisions. It is not a one man’s journey, we all have to pull in our weight to make it work. We are so important in the family women, we should never think that we are less important. When my mother passed in 2009, after a year my father could not cope, his health deteriorated, his drive for life was shattered, he literally lost all sense of living.
We hire people to live with him and help him around the farm but he is not satisfied. With no doubt, the touch of things went from 120% to 50% for him even though the people we hire work very hard. He even mentioned that he feels like a very important part of his body has been removed painfully from him and is unable to function properly.
A home without a woman does not feel as warm as the one with a woman, so always applaud yourselves for the incredible job you are doing.
Respect your husbands, one thing that men yearn for is respect from their wives, it sets a very high bar in the marriage. When you talk to your husband, the approach and the tone of your voice must carry respect. I understand that sometimes you feel so wronged that you lose your mind as well as your humble tone of voice.
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About the Book
This book has its overall goal as to navigate the importance of finding happiness in marriage even through difficult times. The book focuses on the complexity of marriage in the 21st century and how best married couples can deal with the modern marital challenges. It highlights the common challenges that are faced by most married couples and possible ways of handling different hurdles in a positive manner inorder to find fulfillment and happiness. Included in the book are real life testimonials from married couples who faced different problems which threatened to break the marriage union but through positive changes, some managed to stand the test of time.
About the Author
Family Life, motivational and lifestyle author, Christina Chitenderu Mthombeni authored Raising Better Children: Key to Effective Parenting book, her first literature work. The Zimbabwean born based in England has conducted a lot of seminars, workshops and presentations on marriage and parenting in churches including at the South England Conference Adventist Camp meeting, government institutions, private organisations and schools. Her passion to work with families and bring out a positive change has seen her establish an organisation that caters for the well being of children and families, Raising Better Children Global. Her background in Psychology and Psychotherapy further gives her a more professional and cultured look into the matters affecting families and possible steps in dealing with challenges that affect them. She is also a very proud mother of one and a wife to her husband Courage.