It is another one of those sleepless nights for me. Nothing bothered me more than the lack of respect that is given at this camp. It is two in the morning and these imbeciles are acting as if it is four in the afternoon. The sad thing is the only way I can get an intelligent conversation is to talk to myself. Something I found myself doing a lot of lately.
"What’s wrong?" asked Mr. Conscience.
"I can't believe you just asked that stupid question," said Mr. Irritable.
"Try to stay positive," said Mr. Conscience.
"You been telling me that crap for years and what has it gotten me?" asked Mr. Irritable.
"You’re at a camp now." stated Mr. Conscience.
"Psst . . . this is what you call it. Look out that window . . . What camp you know has a razor wire fence around it? Look at these pale, gray bunk beds and matching 3-foot lockers. And the only thing that is between these six by nine cubicles is 6-foot brick walls without any doors. Listen . . . do you hear that? That is a symphony of snores and farts!" complained Mr. Irritable.
"Change is coming . . . " Mr. Conscience began.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. It gets greater later. You've been saying that for years, too," interrupted Mr. Irritable.
"Things could be much worse," Mr. Conscience said.
"It could be, but I am not going to let it get to that," claimed Mr. Irritable.
"Well, it is good to see that we're still on our path to change," said Mr. Conscience.
"Yeah. . . .yeah . . . whatever," snapped Mr. Irritable.
"Just stay cool Drako," Mr. Conscience encouraged.
It was hard to find some sense of reason in this midst of madness. If it wasn't for talking to Mr. Harris or myself, I don't know what I would do for a conversation with substance. I have a lot of pain built up in me and it runs deep. It is hard not to be bitter after fifteen years in prison. The sad thing is, I didn't kill or rape anyone. I got all this time for drugs.
"Well, you were selling drugs for years and you did things you got away with," reasoned Mr. Conscience.
"That is my point. I didn't get caught," said Mr. Mollification.
"Just try to stay positive and out of trouble. Be grateful you're not back behind three fences with controlled movements and total chaos," said Mr. Conscience.
"I'm grateful but that don't mean I have to be happy. I am going to bid. I am smart enough not to get caught up in any foolishness."
Dear Lady Alcohol and Ms. Criminal Lifestyle,
Before you two say it, I already know. It has been a long time since we've spoken. Yes, we had a lot of fun together and been to a lot of wonderful and exciting places. But I have to be honest and say that I don't miss it one bit! I have come to realize that you two never meant me any good whatsoever. All you ever gave me was false hope and foolish pride. Yeah, you two made it seem like my best interest was in mind, but it was only meant to keep me trapped in a world of darkness.
Lady Alcohol, I think back to our first kiss. I was only twelve. I snuck you out of my mother's sight and for some strange reason after the bitter taste, I came back for more. It took a couple of years for us to hook up again, but we hung out every weekend after that. You being there for me when I was struggling with my issues made me feel that you were really down for me. At times, you made me feel invincible and gave me unbelievable courage to speak the truth. You helped me discover parts of me that I have never known. But the whole time you were poisoning my mind and eating me from the inside out. Destroying my dreams! And just when I was about to break away from you, you brought me back by sparking my interest in a threesome with your friend Ms. Criminal Lifestyle.
You knew that she would keep us together. I was blinded by all her glitter and gold. She brought to me things that I never thought that I would be able to have, but it was all a false sense of happiness. I know that she is a liar and doesn't care about me at all. I am sure that she has found many to use after me. Lady Alcohol, I know that it is in your nature to ruin lives. When we first met, I was a child and I was very weak but even as an adult you were able to keep your hooks in me. I am proud to scream that I am finally free! You will never have the pleasure of ever being with me again! I now know who I am and all the pain you are able to cause. Thanks to you and your trusted friend Ms. Criminal Lifestyle, with all the ill advice, I have paid a tremendous price. By following your lead, I found myself trapped in prison. My children have grown up without me and my family has been torn to pieces. Most importantly, I have disappointed me! So, this will be the last time that you two will ever hear from me! I have a fresh start and I am embracing change. I can live for my family and me! I will not let you two disrupt my road to recovery! I wrote this letter to the both of you. I know that Ms. Criminal Lifestyle is not far from you Lady Alcohol, so pass this on . . . I have moved on to a better me and a healthier lifestyle.
Love me no more,